Cayenne pepper is a potent weight loss aid that can help curb your appetite, heat up your metabolism, and even help burn extra fat. With these significant benefits, it should be no surprise that cayenne is an integral part of popular weight loss plans like the Master Cleanse. Cayenne peppers can be grown at home or purchased at almost any grocery store. If you are looking for a safe, reliable strategy to fortify your efforts to support a healthy body weight, cayenne is an option you should consider.
Cayenne Helps Put a Stop to Cravings
Many people who are looking to lose a few pounds are trying to consume fewer calories throughout the day. Cayenne pepper can help you suppress your hunger and eat less food.[1] Consume enough cayenne, and you may stop craving fatty, salty, and sweet foods—the same foods dieters want to avoid the most.[2] Depending on when you eat this spicy red pepper, you may experience different results. Eating cayenne before your meal will help satisfy your appetite as you eat. While dining on cayenne throughout the meal might help you feel fuller and more satisfied after you’ve finished eating.[3, 4,5]
Ignite Your Metabolism
A sluggish metabolism could be what’s preventing you from shedding extra pounds. If you want a natural way to speed up your body’s metabolic processes, cayenne may be just what you need. When added to a high-fat diet, cayenne increases diet-induced thermogenesis, which means your body uses more energy to break down the food you’re eating, helping you burn a few extra calories.[6] Metabolic improvements from consuming capsaicin-rich foods, like cayenne, can start almost immediately and may last up to 30 minutes after a meal.[7]
Burn Extra Fat
It might not surprise you that cayenne supports a normal body weight, but how it accomplishes this feat is astonishing. The same compound in cayenne that burns your taste buds may help soothe your gut. This connection is critical as researchers find mounting evidence that suggests a link between your gut health and your weight. One animal study suggests that an unhealthy gut microbiota contributes to an unhealthy weight.[8] Capsaicin may help rebalance the gut by reducing some forms of systemic irritation that are common in overweight individuals.[9]
Promote Healthy Digestion
For sustained weight loss, you must have a properly functioning digestive system. Cayenne is packed full of beneficial vitamins and nutrients, including some B vitamins that your digestive system needs to work properly.[10] Additionally, cayenne can help stimulate saliva production in your mouth and along your gastrointestinal tract. Saliva is among the first steps of healthy digestion and helps break down the food you eat.[11]
Adding Cayenne to Your Routine
If you are looking to add cayenne to your weight loss plan, there are several ways to do it. One option is adding it to your meals. Dried and crushed cayenne pepper is readily available in almost any grocery store. It’s a quick and straightforward way to turn up the heat on your go-to recipes. Try sprinkling some on your eggs at breakfast, or on your soup or salad at dinner time. Some dieters also love adding it to their water with a squeeze of lemon.
If you don’t like the taste or heat that cayenne adds to your food, then encapsulated cayenne pepper might be your best option. There are some advantages to taking cayenne in a pill, tablet, or capsule. For starters, you get a more accurate and consistent measurement of your intake. Cayenne supplements typically include capsaicin content and Scoville heat unit measurements. Unlike their cooking counterpart, this provides a measured, concentrated serving. Cayenne supplements also give you more flexibility during the day when eating cayenne might not be as appealing or convenient, such as in the early morning or late evening.
How to Choose the Right Cayenne for Weight Loss
Cayenne is one of the world’s most loved spices, there are countless options and varieties to choose from. This abundance of choice can make selecting the right cayenne challenging for some. However, when you follow these three simple guidelines, picking the right cayenne for weight loss will be a breeze.
1. Quality Over Quantity
How the peppers start out matters. Selecting a GMO-free, organic cayenne pepper is a must. Large industrial farms usually spray their commercial peppers with agricultural chemicals and pesticides. It’s practically impossible to wash these pollutants from the plants, and these toxic compounds can cause unintended health concerns for your endocrine system and gut.[12]
2. Turn Up the Heat
The Scoville scale is a measuring system used to indicate the hotness of any given pepper. The scale is also a good reference for the ratio of capsaicin contained in a cayenne supplement. The higher the number of Scoville heat units (SHU), the more capsaicin that is present. Capsaicin is what causes something to be hot to the taste, but is also the reason for many of cayenne’s health benefits.[13]
3. Buy From Someone You Trust
Where you buy your cayenne can make a big difference in quality. There are many factors and variables that can affect how the cayenne pepper is grown, harvested, dried, and packaged. If the farmer or supplier cuts corners, then the final product suffers. Only buy your cayenne, and other supplements, from a trusted brand that aligns with your values and health goals.
Have you used cayenne to help lose weight? What was your experience? Leave a comment below and share your insight.
Constipation is a taboo subject for many people. If you’re too embarrassed to discuss it, know that you are far from alone. Constipation affects about 14% of adults in the United States and accounts for an astounding 3.2 million medical visits every year. It’s a common and widespread issue. Nobody wants to talk about it, but for the sake of our health, maybe it’s time we opened a dialogue.[1]
Americans spend three-quarters of a billion dollars on laxatives every year, and it’s not helping.[1] Pharmaceutical laxatives and stool softeners often make constipation worse. Laxative overuse can lead to dependency, making it difficult or impossible to have a bowel movement without using strong laxatives.[2] Over-the-counter (OTC) laxatives also tend to produce some serious side effects including abdominal cramps, dehydration, dizziness, low blood pressure, electrolyte imbalance, and bloody stool.[3, 4]
A better plan is to incorporate foods into your diet that have a natural laxative effect. While pharmaceutical laxatives tend to result in explosive emergencies, these foods produce a mild laxative effect. They won’t send you sprinting for the restroom, but if you incorporate a few of them into your daily diet, they should keep things moving so regularly that laxatives become completely unnecessary. Even better, these foods don’t come with the unpleasant side effects that make constipation more miserable than it needs to be.
22 Natural Laxative Foods
High-fiber foods, like fruits, vegetables, and beans, support gut health and promote regularity. In addition to a high-fiber diet, look for foods that can stimulate the digestive system, encourage enzyme activity, or assist in detoxification. When possible, consume foods that are organic, pesticide-free, seasonal, and fresh. Avoid big-box grocery retailers and look to your local farmer’s market or organic produce store for the healthiest raw fruits and vegetables.[5]
Each of the following 15 foods produces a natural laxative effect without the unwanted side effects of OTC laxatives. These foods can help relieve common symptoms of constipation, as well as many other gastrointestinal issues. Before you start taking laxatives or stool softeners, try incorporating more of these laxative foods into your diet. You will be surprised at how well they work. Here is a list of 22 of the best laxative foods and drinks.
1. Prunes and Plums
We might as well start off with the fruit that’s most famous for its laxative properties. Recognized as “nature’s laxative,” prunes and plums are naturally rich in antioxidants, vitamin A, potassium, and iron. They are especially high in dietary fiber, which is what gives them their relieving properties. Prunes also promote the health of beneficial bacteria in the gut, making them a great addition to any colon-cleansing diet.[6] Prunes are one of the best laxative foods for babies, but remember that you shouldn’t give solid food to infants under four months old.[7, 8]
You can also try prune juice, but be sure to read the ingredients label and get one that’s made only from prunes and water. Avoid anything with added sugar.
2. Bananas
Bananas are high in pectin, a soluble fiber that normalizes bowel function. This makes them a natural bulk-producing laxative, and a great way to promote easy digestion. Since bananas have a high potassium content, eating a banana a day will help restore valuable electrolytes to your intestinal tract. Bananas also contain a natural compound called fructooligosaccharide, which can help beneficial bacteria proliferate in your large intestine.
Be sure the bananas you pick are fully ripe. Unripe bananas contain heavy starches and can cause constipation.
3. Apples
An apple has as much dietary fiber as a bowl of bran, and it tastes a lot better. The high pectin content stimulates the bowels and provides bulk for breezier bowel movements. If you’re looking for laxative foods for children and toddlers, apples are a good choice. While your little ones might shy away from prunes, a sweet, tasty apple is usually an easy sell.[9]
4. Apple Cider Vinegar
Speaking of apples, don’t forget apple cider vinegar (ACV). ACV contains acetic acid, which helps food break down more efficiently in your stomach. I recommend only raw organic apple cider vinegar as it still has the “mother of vinegar,” the living nutrients and bacteria that provide the bulk of ACV’s health-promoting properties.[10]
5. Berries
High in antioxidants, berries rank among my favorite foods. They also help relieve constipation with their high dietary fiber content. I recommend consuming the following berries during any colon cleanse and on a daily basis afterwards—blueberries, strawberries, bilberries, cranberries, blackberries, goji berries, and acai berries. If you opt for berry juice, make sure that it contains only natural ingredients and no added sugar.[11]
6. Aloe Vera
Aloe vera is one of the oldest and most popular medicinal plants known to man. The bulk of the aloe vera leaf is filled with a gel that contains beneficial vitamins, minerals, amino acids, phytonutrients, and enzymes.
Avoid “whole leaf” or “outer leaf” aloe products—these contain aloe latex, a bitter yellow liquid derived from the skin of the aloe leaf. Aloe latex is a very harsh laxative, and can cause cramping. What you want is inner leaf aloe, a much more mild laxative. Inner leaf aloe juice or high-quality supplements are readily available.[12]
7. Ginger
Ginger is one of the best laxative spices and has been an important ingredient in traditional Chinese, Japanese, and Indian medicine (and cuisine) for hundreds of years. The piquant root is known for effectively relieving gastrointestinal distress, which is why many commercial laxatives contain ginger extracts. Dried ginger is also an ingredient in many laxative teas. Ginger works by relaxing the intestinal tract, allowing elimination to proceed smoothly.[13]
8. Turmeric
Like ginger, turmeric has a long history of culinary and medicinal use in many Eastern cultures. It gets both its rich golden color and its healing properties from a natural phytochemical compound called curcumin. Clinical trials have found that curcumin can have a tremendously positive effect on many gastrointestinal issues, including irritable bowel syndrome and constipation.[14]
9. Bitter Melon
Bitter melon, also known as goya, bitter gourd, and balsam-pear, is a vegetable grown in tropical regions around the world and appreciated for its health-boosting properties. It is less known in the United States, but if you can find it, I recommend giving it a try. Loaded with beneficial phytochemicals and nutrients, constipation relief is just one of bitter melon’s many uses. The vegetable is also used for eczema, weight loss, kidney stones, liver issues, and dozens of other applications.[15]
10. Leafy Green Vegetables
When you are ready to detox your body, fill your refrigerator with kale, spinach, dandelion greens, alfalfa, chard, mustard greens, arugula, or other dark leafy greens. Why? They act as natural laxatives and are high in dietary fiber, calcium, folic acid, magnesium, and vitamins A, C, and K. These essential nutrients aid your digestion and overall health.[16]
11. Tomatoes
Tomatoes are great laxative foods, rich in fiber and vitamins A, C, and K. Additionally, they are very high in lycopene, an antioxidant that helps protect you from developing colon cancer and prostate cancer. If possible, I recommend buying locally-grown, organic tomatoes.[17]
12. Avocados
Avocados are packed with beneficial nutrients such as dietary fiber, potassium, vitamin K, and folate. If you eat one avocado a day, it will provide you with approximately 30% of your daily fiber needs. Furthermore, avocados contain an antioxidant called lutein along with vitamin E, magnesium, and healthy monounsaturated fats. Avocado also improves the absorption of nutrients from other foods.[18]
13. Coconut Oil
In animal studies, researchers have discovered that coconut oil may help protect the colon and digestive tract from damage, keeping your primary route of elimination clear and in good health. Look for raw, organic extra virgin coconut oil. This assures that it’s unrefined and contains no harsh chemicals or genetically modified additives.[19]
14. Legumes
Legumes like beans and peas are one of the very best laxative foods. They aid digestion, are high in fiber, and are low in both fat and cholesterol.[2]
15. Raw Seeds and Nuts
Incorporate more raw seeds and nuts into your diet. Not only are they delicious, seeds and nuts are rich in fiber, vitamin E, protein, zinc and other essential nutrients. Flaxseed, pumpkin seeds, almonds, walnuts, hemp seeds, sesame seeds, chia seeds, cedar nuts, and sunflower seeds are all great choices.[2, 20]
16. Carrots
High in pectin, they add bulk to stool and can stimulate bowel contractions.[2] If you’re eating carrots to help relieve constipation, eat them raw. Raw carrots are more effective at relieving constipation than cooked.
17. Broccoli
Extremely high in antioxidants and fiber, broccoli can help stimulate detoxification enzymes in the digestive tract. Broccoli sprouts are more effective than the fully-grown vegetable, containing a higher concentration of beneficial nutrients.[7, 21]
18. Cauliflower
Eating cauliflower will increase the amount of glucosinolate in your system, which supports the production of enzymes in the liver. These liver enzymes help flush carcinogens and other toxins from your body.[21] There are many excellent cauliflower recipes to help you add this great-tasting veggie to your diet.
19. Cabbage
Much like other cruciferous vegetables such as broccoli and cauliflower, eating cabbage helps flush out toxins and soften stool for easier bowel movements.[21] To maximize the potential of cabbage, consume it as kimchi or sauerkraut for the probiotic benefits. Speaking of probiotics…
20. Probiotic Foods
Every normal, healthy human gut is home to around 100 trillion beneficial microorganisms. Together, these organisms are called your microbiota, and they are critical to your gastrointestinal system and overall health. Fermented foods help stock your system with these beneficial bacteria. Consuming plenty of probiotic foods keeps your microbiota healthy, aids digestion, and eases constipation. Kimchi, kombucha, and sauerkraut are all excellent examples of probiotic foods.[22, 23]
21. Watermelon
Watermelon isn’t just a classic summertime treat; it’s a great healing food as well. The large fruit contains high levels of dietary fiber, antioxidants, and vitamins A, C, and B6. Chinese traditional medicine prescribes watermelon as a mild laxative. Watermelon is also, of course, a great source of water—92% by volume.[24, 25] As for why that’s important, read on.
22. Water
Last, but most definitely not least, don’t forget to hydrate! Drinking plenty of purified water is one of the best natural ways to relieve constipation. Water is vital to all bodily functions and makes up 60-80% of your body weight. It helps moisten the intestines, regulating bowel flow. Imagine going down a waterslide, then imagine trying to go down that same slide dry, and you’ll see how important water is for easy bowel movements.
Drink half your body weight in ounces every day. In other words, if you weigh 180 lbs, you need at least 90 oz of water daily. Be sure to add more if you’re doing anything that makes you sweat.[26] Healthy liquids, like detox water and coconut water count toward this total, but skip soft drinks, energy drinks, alcoholic beverages, caffeinated beverages, and fruit juice with added sugar—those all dehydrate you.
Foods That Cause Constipation
Now that we’ve gone through such trouble to incorporate all these laxative food into your diet let’s not undo our hard work. There are some foods that cause constipation. If you are prone to irregularity, avoid ice cream, cheese, meat, and processed foods.[27] Caffeine can also trigger constipation in people with irritable bowel syndrome. Those with IBS should avoid caffeinated products like coffee, tea, soda, and chocolate.[28]
A Word of Caution on Laxatives for Weight Loss
Many people ask me about the best laxative foods for weight loss. I would like to remind you that pharmaceutical laxatives, should never be taken for weight loss. They simply don’t work that way, and trying to do so can cause serious issues. Abusing laxatives this way is a type of bulimia.[29, 30]
Supplements for Gentle Colon Cleansing
A healthy diet is the safest, easiest, most sustainable way to prevent constipation and support overall health. However, in extreme cases, supplementation can help.
If you still find yourself constipated, then it’s likely the sign of something else. I recommend a full colon cleanse to improve digestion, support colon health, and relieve occasional constipation. Oxy-Powder® is Global Healing Center’s scientifically formulated, all-natural colon cleansing supplement. It uses the power of oxygen to cleanse and detoxify your entire digestive tract.
How do you avoid occasional constipation? Leave a comment below and share your experiences with us.
Patticia, really wants to find a sense of calm around food, and get rid of her emotional eating. From a young age, she remembers being a little chubby, going for the sweets, and comparing herself to others. Now 37, she tells Marc David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, that she is happy with how her body looks, and it’s more about getting down the right schedule so she doesn’t binge and then feel guilty. As the session unfolds, Marc introduces Patticia to the idea of letting go of her perfectionism, letting go of doing everything for everybody else’s approval, and begin to really step into her womanhood, her queen, and nourish herself. Watch the full episode to see Patticia’s biggest takeaway.
Below is a transcript of this podcast episode:
Marc David: Welcome, everybody. I’m Marc David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. And we’re back in The Psychology of Eating Podcast. And I’m with Pat today. Welcome, Pat.
Patticia Carrera: Hi, Marc. Thanks so much for having me today.
Marc: Yes, I’m so glad you’re here. And let me just say a couple of quick words to viewers and listeners. If you are a returnee to this podcast, thank you, thank you for being on this journey with us.
If you’re new to this podcast, here’s how it works. So Pat and I are meeting each other officially for the first time right now. And we’re going to have a session together. We’re going to go about 45 minutes and see if we can push the fast forward button on a little bit of transformation.
So Miss Pat, if you could wave your magic wand and get whatever you wanted from this session together, tell me what that would be for you.
Patticia: Okay, I definitely would love to change my relationship with food, transform my relationship with food. I have had body image issues for the longest of time. That is something that is getting better as I get to work with you guys and I get to follow your program. I’m currently in the Transforming Your Relationship with Food Program. That is helping me a lot.
So I feel I’m making some progress. But when life gets complicated, I tend to take it out on food. I’m an emotional eater. I will describe myself like that. And I also have had some body image relationship. So I have some body image issues. So I would like to transform that and be more at peace where I’m at, be more certain of who I am as a person. Yeah, find myself into a more calm, peaceful place.
Marc: So when you’re not in that calm peaceful place, what does it look like? Or what does it sound like in your head?
Patticia: As far as eating habits?
Marc: Yeah.
Patticia: Or…?
Marc: Yeah, yeah. As far as eating habits. Let’s start with that.
Patticia: Well, as a business owner, I’m always on the go. I’m always on the run, always busy, teaching fitness classes and taking care of business matters. So I usually tend to sometimes skip meals and then towards the end of the day, I’m more or less starving.
And then I tend to sometimes eat more than I would like to. Sometimes I’m binge eating just because I’m holding on sometimes to too much stress of the day or sometimes because I’m too hungry and mostly like that.
So something that I don’t have right now for when I’m not on calm, like you say, I don’t have any structure that I follow. And sometimes that gets too much out of the way and then end up just feeling like a snowball rolling. And it gets bad sometimes for a couple of days until I finally can find some peace again, maybe on the weekends or stuff like that.
Marc: So when you say it gets bad for a couple of days, tell me what that means for you. It means you’re eating a lot at night? You’re eating a lot after work? What does it look like?
Patticia: Mostly, at the end of the day when I can finally get home and get to take time for myself. Sometimes if the day has maybe too busy or a little bit stressful with different things, I tend to eat more. I wouldn’t say I eat large quantities. I don’t eat a lot, probably like a normal person would eat.
But it’s just like the way of eating—maybe too fast and not really enjoying myself, not enjoying the food. Or sometimes I don’t have much time between when I finish eating until I go to sleep. And then the next day, I wake up with a heavy stomach. I feel bad for not taking care of myself properly the prior day and then kind of accumulates a little bit, that cycle of feeling guilty.
And then when you’re an emotional eater, food is either there to give you comfort or to punish you. So it’s a little bit that. Sometimes, for a couple of days, it’s that feeling of guilt.
Marc: Yes.
Patticia: And then it just keeps going for a little while. But it’s just my thoughts of beating myself up for maybe not following schedule, not taking care of myself or spending too much time without eating properly. And then I know that at the end of the day I’m just going to be starving and maybe not having too control.
Marc: What helps you get back on track?
Patticia: When I have what I will call free time maybe during the weekend that my business has a more flexible schedule. And I don’t teach many classes. And I have more time to maybe do some reading or do some physical activity that always helps me to release that energy—some yoga practice or some running that I have started recently.
When I have time to stay a little more connected to myself, I would say, then I can follow schedule. And I can be more present, more aware.
Marc: When you overeat or when you find yourself eating too much, is it certain foods that you for? Or it could be anything?
Patticia: I have a sweet tooth. So it’s definitely sweets and things that maybe are not the healthiest, yeah.
Marc: Got it. Got it. Got it. And how long have you been doing this?
Patticia: Well, like I said, I think I had body image issues from a very early age. But I would say that the relationship with food and a little bit the struggle with food started from very early, from maybe as a kid, starting to compare myself with others around.
But it always changed. I had a time when, I could say, I was a little bit anorexic. Then there was a time when I would be more binge eating.
And as I grew older, all that kind of went away as I became aware that it’s not a healthy way of living and that it was harming myself too much.
But I still continued to have some issues with food. I don’t know how everybody else relates to food because I can only have my experience. But I would say that maybe it’s not the most normal that I could have. Maybe sometimes thinking about food too much or sometimes always being concerned about what to eat, what not to eat.
But I would say it always changes. I would say that I have seasons in my life where something was strongest. But since I can’t remember from very early age, maybe 5, 6 years old. Yeah.
Marc: Why do you think—and there’s no right or wrong answer here—why do you think the body image issues started? Where do you think they came from?
Patticia: When I was a kid, I was a little bit chubby, not overweight. But I was. When I look at pictures of myself as a baby, I was chubby. And then until I was a teenager, I was having a little belly or maybe thick legs and stuff like that. And I would compare myself.
I don’t know how it started. But I always compared myself with my sister. My sister was always skinnier. I always liked sweets. So I always ate too many sweets as a kid too. And there were sweets around my house. My parents like sweets also up until today. And there was also sweet stuff to eat. And I would always eat more. So I was naturally a little bit heavier than other kids that I would see around.
So I think I compared myself all the time from that time. I’m not really sure how it started. But I was aware of that.
Marc: Are there any times, let’s say during the month, where you notice it’s just better for you? You’re not worried as much. The body image issues are better. The emotional eating might be better than usual, yeah.
Patticia: Not sort of the month. No, I wouldn’t say there’s a cycle through the month. I think it’s directly related to things that could be happening with my life at the moment. I own a business. Sometimes, there are some business struggles, some struggles with business partner, some struggles with—I don’t know—with daily operation things. That sometimes just gets too much on my own way.
And because I always had the personality where I always tried to—very perfectionist. I always tried to do the best and always be the best in my own head, even though I know I tried hard or I gave my best. But sometimes in my own head, it’s not good enough.
So if things are not happening or going the way I would like them to be, then sometimes I take it on myself. “I should be doing more. I should be doing this.” And then, that’s mostly.
But I think it’s more mostly related to situations or things, facts happening in life that then I get too stressed about. And then I just take it on myself.
Marc: Sure. Sure, that makes total sense. Are you close with your parents?
Patticia: You could say that. You could say that. Even though my whole family is still living in my country, we communicate through Skype. We communicate through emails and stuff. I would say we have a good relationship, yeah.
Marc: How’s your mother’s relationship with her body and with food?
Patticia: I knew you were going to ask that due to other podcasts. And I was thinking about that. She had a normal relationship with food, I would say. There was a time when she was taking care of herself, more as far as watching what she was eating. She was exercising maybe more and trying to lose some weight, I remember, maybe when I was a teenager.
But she always had a more normal relationship. Nothing more obsessed about it. Yeah.
Marc: So I have a question for you. And I want you to answer, if you can, as 100% honestly as you can. Do you want to change anything about your body right now in terms of its look or its shape?
Patticia: I don’t want to lose weight. I know I’m a healthy weight right now. But I definitely try to work out these days more just to tone and to build my cardiovascular capacity. And definitely, I like to improve a little bit my health as far as using workouts to be stronger or to feel healthier.
But, no, I don’t think—that’s always the issue. I would like to have maybe more flat belly or stronger arms or more definition in the muscles, all the things. But it’s not an obsession that I have right now. I know if I stay consistent with my workout, that’s going to be accomplished with time. Yeah.
Marc: Got it. Got it. How old are you?
Patticia: I’m 37.
Marc: Are you planning on having kids?
Patticia: No. Not that I think of, no.
Marc: Is that a good decision for you? Do you feel good about that?
Patticia: I think so, yeah. It’s an interesting question. I dedicated my early 20s to my career. I finished my college degree. And then I wanted to finish a doctorate. I have a Ph.D. So my whole early 20s, I was fully focusing on my career.
I hope I’m not offending anybody. But I’m not a woman that was always drawn to have kids. I never really saw myself like a mom. I never had that interest.
Patticia: I’m content. It’s not something that I’m missing. If that had happened, I think I would be fine it would have been very well welcome. But I think it just didn’t happen. And I don’t think I’m going to be looking for it in the near future.
Marc: Sure. Where do you see yourself five years from now? Who do you want to be?
Patticia: That’s a beautiful question. I kind of have stopped thinking long term for a little while because sometimes it can be a little bit stressful. I try to be more at the present moment and try to be content because that’s one of my biggest struggles. I’ve always been a goal-driven person and planning and trying to have a well-planned, organized life. So I don’t think like that as much.
But to answer your question, I definitely—five years, two years, three years, I think it will be the same answer. I would like to be content with my profession. I think I have found my passion in what I do which is being of service to others, teaching yoga. I teach healing yoga, yoga that is a lot about healing physically, emotionally. So I love doing that.
And I love being of service to others, especially when I connect to my students and I see them making progress in their life and being more accepting of themselves. So I would love to be able to make a living out of that sometimes.
We have a new studio. So we’re still trying to settle our business and everything. And I would have to, yeah, have a career more in the wellness industry. What you guys do I find fascinating and beautiful, really like a beautiful service.
But I would like to be content in what I do, what I do for a living, and feel fulfilled, that I’m of service and I’m connected to what I can call my calling or my passion I think. That’s where I would like to see myself, yeah.
Marc: Understood.
Patticia: And be happy with that, yeah.
Marc: Yeah.
Patticia: And I think because I’m happy in what I do, I feel that everything else falls into place. So that’s why it’s a little bit my priority, yeah.
Marc: Great. So when I say the word perfectionism, what does that mean to you?
Patticia: Well, I can track it back to my early years. I grew up with a family that was not the wealthiest. So my parents from the early stage told my sister and me to do our best, to work hard, to have an education. I remember being very young and at the time not understanding much about it but having my father telling us, “Look. We are not going to be able to give you material things after we’re gone. We’re not going to be able to give you a big bank account or a big house or this kind of material things. But if there’s something we can give you, it’s going to be a good education, something that nobody will take away from you.”
So that’s something that got in my mind all the time. And from high school, primary school, I always tried to do the best in my studies. And I always accomplished that, being always top of the class up to my college and everything.
I think that perfectionist feeling came from that, for not disappointing others that were hoping for me to give the best. And I think probably from that time, that became part of me, that I always tried to be the best.
And sometimes, life happens. Sometimes, things can get a little bit out of control. Sometimes, I tend to blame myself that maybe I didn’t do enough or start thinking I’m not good enough, these kinds of things. So I think that that perfectionist feeling comes from that mostly.
Marc: And here we are, just where we need to be, I think, right now because I think for you this is really where the action is. I think for you, the action is the place where you don’t feel good enough, where you could do better. You should have done better. Maybe you can do better. Maybe you can—just better. Better, better, better. Because then if it’s better, then it’s better because you’ve been taught to strive.
And I think you are at an age right now—you said 36?
Patticia: 37.
Marc: 37, yeah. So late 30s for a woman is a time when you are transitioning out of being how I like to say the princess stage. You’re a late princess. And princess is not an insult. It’s not a pejorative term. It’s a term I’m using for young woman. And everything that a young woman faces and deals with.
And you are approaching 40. And once a woman hits 40, to me she’s on the queen-in-training program.
Patticia: Okay.
Marc: Okay. And right now to me, you are very diligently and steadily leaving behind some of your past. And what the past is that you’re wanting to leave behind is the guilt, the shame, the perfectionism which so many young women are taught to carry around.
So the fact that you had body image challenges or issues or concerns and you’re already feeling that and seeing that from a young age, that’s a product of being alive on planet earth. There’s almost no escaping it. It’s almost nobody’s fault. It’s what the world teaches us.
If you’re a woman and you’re alive on planet earth, there’s a good chance you’re going to be contending with body image at some point. It’s part of the package.
Patticia: Right.
Marc: And what I’m saying is that you’re in a place now where, to me, you’re getting ready to graduate to another place but in a whole different way than you’ve done before. And you’re not quite sure how to do that. But you know you have to. And you’re not sure how to do that. And you know you have to.
The good news is, it’s not so bad. The good news is, what you’re facing, all things considered when you look at your life—the good news is good relationship, beautiful place. You’re doing work that you love.
You’re setting yourself up for a long time to have a career that is satisfying to you. You’re setting yourself up to earn a living at helping others. That’s something you value. You’re setting yourself up for one of your other values which is health and yoga and growth and take care of yourself and feel good while helping people. So you’re doing all that. You’re setting that up. So that’s the good news.
Where perfectionism starts to get you is that it’s not good enough. It’s not good enough. That little voice starts to come into your head. And it’s probably a voice that nobody else sees and nobody else hears. It’s very private for you. And that’s okay. It’s totally okay.
And what I want to say is that you and this thing about being perfect, or better and better and better, you have to turn this into a yoga practice.
So a yoga practice means you get on the mat and you do yoga. And some days you’re stiff. And some days you’re tight. And some days you’re annoyed. And some days you’re angry. And some days you feel great. And some days you want to be here. And some days you don’t.
But the practice means you show up. And the practice means you do the posture. And you do the breathing. And you do your best. And the practice means you love yourself and you forgive yourself even though the girl next to you does the pose better or even though the person next to you is taller, skinnier, whatever. We do our best.
So right now, my feeling for you is that it would be a great idea to take the practice called “noticing my perfectionism, noticing how it sends me into guilt, noticing how it sends me into really—”
Here’s the thing. A lot of times, you mentioned to me that you can go through a day and really not attend to your body on a certain level. Even though you’re teaching yoga and even though you’re running your business, you don’t attend to your nourishment.
Patticia: Right.
Marc: And on one level, that’s totally understandable just so you know. You’re a business owner. And there’s a lot to do. And sometimes when you have a kid or you have a business, you have to sacrifice certain things. Certain things fall a little bit by the wayside. So it’s not going to be perfect.
So given that it’s not going to be perfect—you can’t have the perfect lifestyle—how can you do your best within those circumstances even though it’s not perfect? And how can you find the place where you can be okay that it’s not perfect? That’s the target I want to see you shoot for.
So it’s not going to look exactly how it should be. It’s going to look a little messy sometimes. It’s going to look like, “Okay, today I ate well. And I took care of myself.” And the next day, “Whoops! I went through a whole day. And I really didn’t eat. And then at the end of the day, I was eating a lot.”
But I think the key piece here for you is you are in a place where you have to more consciously step into your womanhood. Consciously stepping into your womanhood means letting go of the little girl. It doesn’t mean you abandon the little girl. It just means the little girl in you that wants it to be just so, the little girl in you that just wants it to be perfect and wants everybody to say, “This is great. This is good. Congratulations! You’re exactly where you need to be. You did it!” It’s all—
Patticia: I’m used to that. It’s funny that you say that because I’m used to being recognized for my efforts. And I think that’s something that changing careers has changed. I used to have publications. I would receive awards for my research or receive awards for my degrees in high school or primary school. And these things I’m used to.
Marc: Yes.
Patticia: To be recognized, yeah.
Marc: And that’s beautiful. That’s a wonderful thing. And when we’re young, when we’re of prince age and princess age, we need that outside feedback coming from the world that says, “You’re good. You’re great. We love you. Congratulations!” because that helps build our ego structure. It helps us feel good about ourselves because as young people we need that. We need the outside world to tell us.
And now you’re transitioning out of that. You are transitioning now to being more self referenced and more self sufficient in that way. And I believe that, right now, that’s actually what the struggle is. The struggle is you’re growing. You’re actually growing. And you’re going through growing pains right now.
So whenever you’re feeling guilty, whenever you’re feeling ashamed about food, it’s actually a growing pain because you’re growing out of needing outside approval. You’re growing outside of needing perfection and everything just right—look just right, feel just right, do it just right, achieve just right—to you have to be able to congratulate yourself and love yourself no matter what happens today.
So even if it’s not a great day, even if not enough people show up for the class, you still have to congratulate yourself for moving to Hawaii and starting a whole new career and a whole new business. Even though you didn’t eat perfectly today, you still have to love yourself because you’re doing your best, and you have a lot to do. And maybe you didn’t have enough time today.
Or maybe, “I just couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t find it to take care of myself today.” Now, can you step into doing what a woman would do which is not beat herself up, not self attack but go, “Oh,” deep breath, and forgive. And deep breath and not abandon yourself. There’s a place where you leave yourself when you’re not doing it just right. You become not your friend anymore.
So to me, you have a great piece of work to do. And when I say “great,” I’m wanting you to see how good you have it. I’m wanting you to acknowledge, “Wow! If this is the challenge I have to work with, I’m in a damn good place.” You don’t always notice that always.
So to me, you’re doing the kind of work that elevates you more into your womanhood. It’s not about getting control of your food. So yes, it is. But it’s not really that. It’s not about getting control of your food. It’s not about finally loving my body. It’s not even that. It’s more about learning how to treat yourself like a woman.
So for a woman, for an adult, even though she’s not having a great day, she still stands by herself. Even though she looks in the mirror and might not think it’s perfect or even though she looks at how she ate that day and it’s not perfect, she still stands by herself.
So it’s you invoking, calling forth another part of you that wants to be louder, that wants to be born more as opposed to my sweet tooth. Do you see the distinction I’m trying to make here for you? Am I making any sense? Is this landing for you? Tell me what’s happening in your world over there.
Patticia: Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, absolutely. It makes a lot of sense. Sometimes I feel I’m inspired. Then I go back into the same cycle. Sometimes I feel like I’m not grateful enough for everything I have, like you say. There are days where I really amaze myself from everything that I have accomplished, being able to not be in fear and take a leap of faith, leaving my successful scientific career and jumping into a whole new world and pursuing what I called my passion or my calling at the time without really knowing what was going to happen and being strong enough or being fearless, jumping into that and being able to come here and still succeed in whatever level we are at right now.
Some days, I’m connected to that. And I’m very grateful. When you were asking me before, those days are the ones where I feel more calm because I’m more present and aware and connected. Then I get to thinking too much in my head. I know you are right. I know you are right.
And sometimes also I feel like, what am I complaining about? I have so much. So much has been given to me. I’m healthy. I have so much to be grateful for. But still there are days where it’s not good enough.
Marc: Yes.
Patticia: There are days where I still feel it’s not good enough. And of course, it makes sense what you say. I think that for me the biggest challenge is to be present every day. And it’s something that I’m trying to awhile.
And I always struggle to make it a daily thing, but to have a habit of waking up being grateful or do some early yoga practice that can ground me and stay connected. And then usually those days are the ones that I am the most positive or the most present and happy.
I know I don’t have probably many issues. And sometimes I feel, what am I complaining about? Like I said before. I wanted to be happy myself. It makes sense what you’re saying, yeah.
At this moment, I’m aware. Everything that you said I’m aware of. Sometimes I don’t know how to put it into practice into a daily thing.
Marc: Yes, so let me make some suggestions about how to put it into practice. First of all, it’s understanding what you’re trying to practice. Part of it is practicing gratitude.
But certain days, you will not feel grateful. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean that you’re doing something wrong if you wake up and you’re not feeling grateful and you’re not feeling okay.
I actually want you to notice what you’re feeling on those days. I want you to embrace it. And I want you to have a moment where you can love that part of you. “That doesn’t feel grateful. Yeah, this is me not feeling grateful. And I can still even love myself despite the fact that I’ve got this great life and I’m not feeling grateful.” It’s a slight difference.
So love yourself even through the struggle. I don’t even need you to change that. It’s just a moment of compassion for yourself as opposed to, “Okay, well, let me get on the yoga mat and fix this.” I don’t want you to get on the yoga mat and fix it so quickly. I want you to be with yourself and first feel what you’re feeling and have a moment to be that woman who’s feeling not grateful and feeling not good about herself and feeling like she could do better and just be with her for a moment.
So maybe in a way, this is where the mother in you is wanting to be born which is to be a little bit more motherly towards yourself in those moments. But I mean the kind of loving mother that just loves her daughter no matter what. “I love you even though you’re not feeling good about yourself. I love even though you’re not getting on the yoga mat right now.”
So that’s a practice. It’s a practice to love yourself in the moment. So you say, “I don’t know always how to do that.” I think more important it’s not always easy for you. I understand. It’s not always easy for me to get on a yoga mat and do a pose. It’s not easy. I don’t want to do it. I’m tight. I’m resistant. I’m whatever. I don’t even know what I’m feeling. I just don’t want to do it.
So we breathe. We relax a little bit. We let go a little bit. We love ourselves in that moment. “Yeah, this is me being resistant.” And there’s something on the other side of that.
I want you to find an image. Find a visualization for yourself that works for you of what the woman in you looks like, the woman in you who takes care of herself and stand by herself no matter what even when she’s not perfect, even when she’s not doing everything right.
So I’m just wanting you to be able to stand by the girl in you, the woman in you who’s not doing it right as opposed to constantly pushing yourself to make yourself better. You see the difference?
Patticia: Yes.
Marc: Yeah.
Patticia: Yes.
Marc: Yeah, sometimes we have to take the foot off the gas pedal a little bit for you. And you do that when you do that. And you don’t when you don’t. So maybe in those moments when you don’t know how to love yourself, I want you to have a reference point, have a visualization. “Oh, there are certain times when I’m really able to drop in with myself. What times are those? What does it look like? What does it feel like?” And to be able to breathe that in whenever you find yourself starting to talk too much.
A lot of times, when that voice starts to take over, that’s when you need to start breathing and catching yourself. Once the voice takes over and you let it take over, that’s when you don’t know what to do.
So other thoughts you’re having right now? Questions? Concerns?
Patticia: Not that I can think of. But it’s right what you say. It’s correct. You know, that I think too much. And thinking too much sometimes is not very beneficial, especially when I’m in that place where I’m not my best friend, like you say.
But I like what you’re saying. I like what you’re saying. I know I have to work on that. I have to work on that. And I’m doing the program with you guys so far and having the little highlights and the little homework throughout the whole week, I’m just in the beginning, first half of the program, haven’t finished it yet. But it has helped me a lot. It helped me a lot with that kind of thinking, with those kinds of thoughts and to be aware.
But I know I have that work to do. And I don’t expect it to be perfect even though I say I expect things to be perfect. I know it’s a lifelong journey. And I know it’s part of us as human—struggle, struggle with the things that we see around because our senses and our minds sometimes tend to fool us and tend to—yeah, we get confused sometimes.
Marc: Yeah.
Patticia: You can give an importance to things that sometimes are not the most important. And just we make our lives more complicated than they should be.
Marc: Yeah. And plus, your previous career, you made a living out of using your mind and being very smart. It’s a great thing. So that’s a great superpower to have. But it can also get in your way because then you get accustomed to solving problems with your brain and your mind.
Patticia: Yeah.
Marc: And this is a challenge that doesn’t get solved in that way. It’s a whole different set of tools and techniques that have nothing to do with logical, linear thinking necessarily. And it has everything to do with being quiet and feeling and many times not using your mind. And dropping in and just making contact with you and feeling yourself and not having any words.
Patticia: Yeah. Yeah, that really hits the point, this part, because when I’m struggling I tend to bring out my books, my planner. And I try to, “Okay. How am I going to fix this?” And I make a whole set of goals and the action and the planning. And I like to plan, to have control and to fool myself, feeling that I have control of these things.
Marc: Yeah.
Patticia: That’s why when you asked me, “Where do [you] see yourself in five years?” It’s something that I’m trying to stop myself from going.
Marc: Yeah.
Patticia: Because that’s exactly my mindset. When I have trouble, either it could be relationship, family, or business, I always try to, “Okay, how am I going to fix this?” And have a plan of action and resources and always feeling that I have control.
And from my early age, like I say, when food was something for me that when things will get out of the way. It’s not as bad right now. But food was something that I was able to control. I was able to control and to be, “Okay, this is something that I’m going to eat what I want to eat” and eat something that I’m slowly letting go of, knowing that I do have the choice. I do have control.
But also something that I didn’t mention. I don’t know if it matters at this point right now when we’re almost finished. But growing up, I was very sensitive to certain types of food. And there are certain things that I don’t like eating. And as a child, I always was kind of forced to eat things that I didn’t want to.
So that became a part of my looking forward to growing up. At 17 years old, I left my parents house and moved out, move far away, have my own place, pursue my college degrees and everything. But I remember that sense of freedom that I can control now my food. And that was one thing that I was—when I think about it, it’s a little bit crazy. But that was something very powerful for me.
And that was the time when I became a little bit more anorexic and took it to the extreme, pursuing my studies and having everything planned and controlled how I wanted it to be. But because I had that freedom and without realizing that I always had that freedom.
But with that controlling mind that I have and the controlling personality that I have, it’s something that I have to work on. And still up to this day, it’s getting a little bit better. As I get older, hopefully, I come to a place where I’m satisfied. But it’s something that I always tried to have that control.
Marc: Yes. So the good news is you’re aware of that. That’s a great thing. The good news is you understand you have to work on that. That’s a great thing. But what I want to tell you is you don’t have to work as hard as you think.
Patticia: That’s good news.
Marc: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don’t have to work so hard to control this especially, “Okay, got to plan this out. I’ve got to take out all the books. I’ve got to figure out a system. I’ve got to have this approach. And I’ve got to do all these new rules. And I’ve got to do all these new regulations now.”
A lot of times, the work is just deep breath; let go. Deep breath. Let go. And just feel the feeling the feeling of letting go a little bit. That simple. Just feeling the breath in and the breath out of what it feels like to just let go of a breath and not have to do anything. The breath just comes out.
So yeah, there’s a place where we have to effort in life. There’s a place where we have to work. And there are also places where we just have to let go and surrender. And you’re learning this other part. You’re learning let go and surrender. And it doesn’t come easy for most people because it doesn’t seem natural. It seems like giving up.
It seems like, “Wait a second. I need control because control got me where I am today. And control makes me feel good about myself. And control makes me feel safe.” And control doesn’t really work so much anymore.
Patticia: Giving up is another word that definitely triggers me.
Marc: Yes.
Patticia: Yeah, definitely.
Marc: So you’re not giving up. You’re letting go which is very different because letting go is another way to get what you want oftentimes. It’s not like you’re letting go and giving up and losing something. You’re letting go as a way to let life in.
Yeah, part of it is there is a bigger wisdom going on here that’s running the show, the bigger wisdom that’s in control. You can’t forget that.
Patticia: Right.
Marc: Yeah.
Patticia: Yeah, I tend to forget that, absolutely.
Marc: Yeah.
Patticia: Yeah.
Marc: So what I think is that you’re on a beautiful journey. You’re on a beautiful path. You have been tremendously successful in your life. And you’ve made a huge transition, a huge career transition, a life transition, and a lifestyle transition. And I’m sure that hasn’t been easy. But you’ve done it in a graceful way. And here you are.
And now you’re looking at bettering yourself in this certain part of your life where you’re just moving some dials and just making it better. And that’s a beautiful thing.
And I’m over here just saying, “Job well done.” You can give yourself some credit. You can even celebrate a little bit. Really, it would be great for your to celebrate your successes more and maybe even redefine what success means for you these days.
Patticia: Right.
Marc: Yeah. I really appreciate our conversation. I really appreciate you being so willing.
Patticia: I’m the one that’s thankful, yeah. I appreciate the job that you guys do. The job that you guys do, it’s amazing. I always like to say people who are of service like you guys are, they have earned a place of heaven. You guys are, without knowing—I’m lucky to have this one-on-one session with you. I always admire you and Emily.
But following you, following your work, everything that you put online, your free courses, free e-books and everything, it helps tremendously to help to find ourselves because the more and more I do what I’m doing now, I come across so many people who struggle daily, who struggle and need so much help. And I’m always sharing. I’m always edifying people to your place, to your website and stuff because I feel that you guys do an amazing job. And I’m tremendously grateful, grateful for everything you do, especially for this opportunity to talk with you.
Marc: That’s very generous of you. Thank you. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that.
Patticia: Absolutely.
Marc: Yeah.
Patticia: Thank you. Thank you.
Marc: And we get to have a follow-up session in a handful of months. So somebody from the team will reach out. And we’ll schedule a time to just connect again and revisit and see how you’re doing.
Patticia: Okay. Hopefully, by that time, I will have finished the program, and I’ll find myself in a more peaceful place than at the moment.
Marc: Yay! Thank you so much, Pat.
Patticia: Thank you. Thank you, Marc. Thank you.
Marc: And thanks, everybody, for tuning in. I’m Marc David on behalf of The Psychology of Eating Podcast. Take care.
I hope this was helpful. Thanks for listening to the Psychology of Eating podcast. To learn more about the breakthrough body of work we teach here at the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, please sign up for our free video series at IPE.tips. That’s I for Institute, P for Psychology, E for Eating.tips. T-i-p-s. You’ll learn about the cutting-edge principles of dynamic eating psychology and mind/body nutrition that have helped millions of people forever transform their relationship with food, body, and health.
New Insights to Forever Transform Your Relationship with Food
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While fasting is nothing new, it is experiencing a resurgence in popularity as many discover its potential health benefits. If you are planning your first fast or looking for ways to improve your next one, there are a few things you should do to prepare. The first step is learning about the different stages of fasting. This knowledge helps you mentally and physically prepare for what happens to your body when you fast.
The stages of fasting outlined below are based off a water fast, a traditional fast in which you abstain from any food and only drink water for 12-48 hours or longer. Personal experiences can vary depending on the type of fast, age, or health of the individual, but these should give you a general idea of what to expect when you fast.
Stage 1: Day 1-2
Stage one lasts for the first couple of days of the fast or about 12-48 hours from your last meal. Usually, it is a good idea to put some planning and preparation into how and when you will start a fast. Try selecting a start day and time and then make preparations in your schedule for the duration of your fast.
How You Feel: Hungry
This stage is when your body transitions into fasting mode and, for many people, it’s the most challenging part of their fast. This stage is where you start to feel the hunger pains as you skip your regular mealtime routine. Most first time fasters start to feel a reduction in their energy levels. These effects can induce a negative mood or irritability for most fasters. It’s wise to prepare yourself for the possibility of being short on patience during this stage.
What’s Happening With Your Body: Battery Save Mode
Several things happen at the cellular level that cause hunger and fatigue during this first stage. When you’re eating regularly, your body breaks down glucose to get the energy it needs to function properly. While you’re fasting, your body needs to produce sugar for energy, so it begins a process called gluconeogenesis. During gluconeogenesis, your liver converts non-carbohydrate materials like lactate, amino acids, and fats into glucose. As your body goes into “battery save mode,” your basal metabolic rate, or BMR, becomes more efficient and uses less energy. This power saving process includes lowering your heart rate and blood pressure. At this stage, you may feel drained. However, if you stick it out for a little longer, some of that lost energy will return.[1]
Benefits: Mental Strength and Heart Health
Fasting these first few days can be difficult, but there are mental and physical benefits. Mentally, the act of fasting is an excellent way to exercise your willpower. Similar to the strength runners might feel after pushing their body to run that extra mile, people who choose to fast can feel strength as they fight through those natural urges to eat. Physically, there are incredible cleansing and heart health benefits taking place, too. As BMR lowers, fat in the blood starts to disappear as it’s metabolized for energy. This process promotes a healthy heart, and for some, improves cholesterol levels by boosting HDL levels.[2]
Stage 2: Day 3-7
Stage two starts around the end of day two and lasts until day seven. A lot of changes begin to happen at this stage, and you may start to notice changes in your physical appearance, as well as how you feel.
How You Feel: Less Hungry and More Energetic
By stage two, ketosis has begun. Ketosis is a critical phase of the fast where your body starts to burn stored fat as its primary power source. As the processes of ketosis are carried out inside your body, you might stop feeling hungry and tired. The practice of putting your body into ketosis has a growing movement behind it. It is ideal for weight loss, balancing blood sugar, and more. Best of all, you don’t even have to fast to put your body into ketosis. Eating the right foods at the right time can be enough to start this fat burning process. There are even vegan ketogenic diet plans available so you can still eat health-promoting foods to stay in ketosis.
What’s Happening With Your Body: Fat Burning Mode
When you consume a typical diet of carbohydrate rich foods, your body breaks down sugars and starches into glucose. Glucose is the primary source of energy for the body. However, when you fast or go into ketosis glucose becomes limited, and your body must turn to fat stores for the energy it requires. Your body breaks fat down into glycerol and fatty acids. The liver synthesizes ketones using glycerol. The glycerol is broken down by the liver for additional glucose, and finally, those ketones are used by your brain as glucose becomes less available.[1]
Benefits: Weight Loss and Cleansing
Burning fat has several benefits for your health—the first being weight loss. Ketosis is a predictable way to target fat stores that otherwise remain untouched even with a healthy lifestyle. Additionally, getting rid of that extra fat has a detoxifying effect on the body. Your body’s natural defenses use fat stores to store toxic metals and other toxins so they can’t wreak havoc on your system. However, during ketosis, these toxic metals and toxins are safely expelled from your body as fat reserves get used up.[3] This cleansing effect may temporarily alter some people’s complexion or cause other signs of a healing crisis.
Stage 3: Day 8-15
Stage three typically falls between day eight and 15. This stage includes dramatic improvements in mood and mental clarity and is the stage seasoned fasters look forward to the most.
How You Feel: Clear Minded
By the third stage a sort of “fasting high” begins. This boost happens when your body fully adjusts to fasting. While not everyone reaches this stage, those who do report a dramatic improvement in how they feel. These improvements include an elevated mood, increased energy levels, and a type of clear mindedness unique to fasting.
What’s Happening With Your Body: Healing Mode
During stage three, your body starts to enter into a “healing mode.” This healing process begins as your digestive system takes a rest from the common stressors and toxins it endures on a daily basis. As a result, your body has fewer free radicals entering the mix, and oxidative stress decreases.[4]
On the flip side, fasting causes a stress that provides an added benefit. This is a kind of mild stress that is comparable to the stress caused by exercise, which ultimately makes you stronger and your immune system more resilient.[5]
Benefits: Healthy Aging
When the cumulative effects of this stage add up, they can be the catalyst for significant health improvements. Anytime you limit free radicals and oxidative stress you are encouraging healthy aging and positioning yourself for fewer health complications.[6] While less researched, this healing process seems to improve health for some.
Stage 4: Day 16 and Beyond
Stage four occurs sometime around day 16 and continues through the duration of your fast. While there may be some changes moving beyond this juncture, there is a daily balance that starts to set in.
How You Feel: Balanced
If you make it to stage four, you are at a place most have never gone. This stage, while doable, should only be attempted under close supervision from a trusted health care professional. For those that do make it this far, there are not any drastic shifts that occur in how you feel. Instead, a steady balance seems to set in.
What’s Happening With Your Body: Healing Mode Extended
Stage four is the extension and completion of the healing and cleansing processes that began during the earlier stages. The longer you fast, the more time and opportunity your body has to heal and cleanse itself.
Benefits: Personal Goals and Growth
If you make it this far, the benefit becomes personal. Fasting, especially beyond the first seven days, takes steadfast dedication. What you get out of the fast in these later stages can be a culmination of all the earlier stages or an accomplishment of a personal health goal. For some, it is weight loss, for others, it is a strategy to heal a particular health complication.
Stage 5: Breaking the Fast
Stage five may come sooner or later, depending on your fasting goal. While we don’t assign a specific target day, you may want to make breaking your fast a planned event you can look forward to and celebrate when it’s all done.
How You Feel: Accomplished
Whether you fasted for half a day or a full month, you should feel accomplished. Taking deliberate action to improve your health or testing your limits is something worth celebrating.
What’s Happening With Your Body: Easing Out of Fasting Mode
How you choose to end your fast is critical. Depending on how long you fast, you may need to ease your way back into eating solid food. Fruit juices, cooked vegetables, and broths can help acclimate your body and digestive system to eating as internal mechanisms come back online.
Benefits: Start Something New
With careful planning and thought, fasting can be an incredible springboard into a healthier lifestyle. One suggestion is to make plans before you even start your fast. Write down what you’re hoping to get out of it and what you want to accomplish. If done correctly, the end of a fast is the perfect time to begin a dramatically healthier diet and lifestyle.
Additional Fasting Tips
Bowel movements and bad breath are two subjects that most people usually avoid discussing, but when fasting, you need to be aware of both.
During stage one and two of the fast, your body will still be expelling toxins and damaged cells every time you go to the bathroom. Using an intestinal cleansing product, like Oxy-Powder® will help more thoroughly cleanse and detoxify your body.
Bad breath will be a concern throughout every stage of a fast. Slightly offensive breath is completely natural and part of the detoxing processes. If you are worried about your breath while you fast, I have created an all-natural solution. It’s called Fresh Mouth™, and it comes in a convenient spray bottle that fits in your pocket. Just a few sprays and your mouth will feel fresh and smell great!
Do you have any experience with fasting? Leave a comment below and share your insight.
Most health authorities define constipation as having fewer than three bowel movements in a week. In my experience as a health care professional, I believe this to be a gross underestimate and a telling indication of just how unhealthy the average American diet has become. You should have a minimum of two bowel movements every day. A healthy bowel movement should be soft, smooth, and easy to pass. If you have fewer than two per day, or if you find yourself straining, then you are likely constipated.
Types of Foods That Cause Constipation
While many things can cause constipation, a poor diet is by far the most common.[1] The typical American diet is not only deficient in fiber, but it’s also loaded with constipation-causing foods. A diet that is low in fiber and high in meat, dairy, refined sugar, and processed foods can affect regularity. With that in mind, update your meal plan and cut out some of these constipation-causing foods.
1. Dairy
Sorry, Wisconsin, but too much dairy can cause constipation. On their own, milk, frozen yogurt, ice cream, sour cream, cheese, and other dairy foods do not provide fiber. Dairy also contains lactose, a type of sugar that many people have difficulty digesting, leading to abdominal bloating and gas.[2, 3]
Yogurt is a special case. Some yogurts are fortified with added fiber, but I’d avoid most commercial yogurts as they tend to be startlingly high in refined sugar. As a rule of thumb, if you see it on a TV commercial and it has a celebrity spokesperson, assume that there are better options. Unsweetened yogurts made with traditional methods are a good source of probiotics and a healthier choice.
2. Prepackaged and Heavily Processed Foods
Whether you call them TV dinners, frozen dinners, ready meals, or microwave meals—prepackaged foods are terrible for your colon. They are typically low in fiber and high in fat and salt. Excess salt traps water in your cells, which means your colon can’t access the fluids it needs to pass waste smoothly.[4]
3. Gluten
About 1.8 million Americans have celiac disease, an autoimmune disorder that damages the small intestine when exposed to gluten. Another 18 million have a gluten sensitivity. If you have one of these conditions, any food made with wheat, rye, or barley can cause bloating, abdominal pain, and constipation.[5]
4. Alcohol
A night of drinking may result in diarrhea for some, but in the long-term, alcohol dehydrates the body, leaving your feces dry, hard, and difficult to pass. Alcohol consumption can also trigger other constipation-causing conditions like IBS.[6] Alcohol abuse can lead to pancreatitis, a condition in which the pancreas becomes swollen and tender. Pancreatitis can cause abdominal pain, bloating, and constipation.[7] If this wasn’t enough, alcohol also wreaks havoc with your intestinal microbiota, further compromising your gastrointestinal system.
5. Fried Foods
Fried foods are very high in saturated fat and rather scant on dietary fiber. A 2015 review found that a diet heavy in saturated fats is associated with significantly higher rates of constipation. Greasy foods are also more difficult to digest and move sluggishly through your digestive tract.[8]
6. Meat
Meat is devastating to colon health. Meat-eaters are up to 50% more likely to develop colon cancer than vegetarians, and the risk is even greater when you eat nitrate-laden processed meats like sausage and lunchmeat. Fatty red meat significantly slows down your digestive process and causes constipation.[9]
7. Caffeine
Like alcohol, caffeinated drinks dehydrate your body, causing hardened stool that leads to constipation.[10] If you drink coffee, take it without sugar and only in moderation. Avoid energy drinks and soft drinks entirely as they also have an insanely high sugar content. Speaking of which…
8. Refined Sugar
There are a lot of good reasons to avoid refined sugar. Sugar is a major contributor to obesity, diabetes, and heart disease. The average American consumes 22 teaspoons of sugar every day, which equals about 350 (empty) calories.[11] Sugary beverages like soft drinks and energy drinks are by far the biggest source of sugar in the American diet, accounting for more than a third of the added sugar consumed nationally.[12]
Since sugar is closely tied to devastating conditions like heart disease and diabetes, it should come as no surprise that sugar affects colon health as well. A diet high in sugar contributes to inflammatory bowel diseases like Crohn’s and IBS.[13] Sugar also increases your risk of developing colon and rectal cancer.[14]
9. Chocolate
Sorry, chocolate lovers. While there are many health benefits associated with dark chocolate, avoid it if you seek constipation relief. Milk chocolate, in particular, is high in sugar and fat, and the associated complications that come with those. The dark variety has less sugar, but should still be avoided in times of constipation. Chocolate also frequently contains caffeine, worsening the issue.
10. Fast Food
A 2016 study found that eating fast food leads to a spike in gastrointestinal disorders. Like fried foods, fast food is big on saturated fats and short on fiber. Skip the hamburgers, cheeseburgers, and french fries. If you want good food fast, carry some raw fruit or nuts with you. Fruit and nuts are high in fiber, and you don’t even have to wait in line at the drive through.[15]
11. Unripe Bananas
This may be a surprising entry because bananas are one of the best laxative foods. Ripe bananas produce pectin, a type of dietary fiber, which helps keep you regular. Unripe, green bananas, however, have not yet started producing this nutrient. Unripe bananas are difficult to digest and can cause constipation, particularly in children.[16]
12. Calcium and Iron Supplements
Certain vitamins and minerals, even essential nutrients like iron and calcium, can cause constipation when used unwisely. Your body definitely needs calcium and iron, but too much from the wrong sources can cause constipation, upset stomach, and other side effects. Avoid calcium-carbonate antacids. Only take iron supplements if you have a diagnosed iron deficiency, and do your research to find the safest option as not all iron supplements are equal.[17, 18]
13. Medication
While not technically food, we should talk about medications. Antidepressants, for example, are notorious for their noxious side effects, so it should come as no surprise that certain types can leave you feeling backed up. Grappling with constipation is the last thing you need if you’re already struggling.[19]
How to Prevent Occasional Constipation
Your first inclination when dealing with occasional constipation may be to reach for some over-the-counter stimulant laxatives, but I strongly caution against this. Laxative overuse can lead to dependency, making your intestines entirely reliant on medications for a bowel movement.[20] Fortunately, other than avoiding the foods that cause constipation, there are a few other things you can do to prevent it from ever becoming a problem in the first place.
Eat More High Fiber Foods
Increasing your intake of high fiber foods greatly reduces your chances of developing constipation and other colon-related problems. There are two kinds of fiber—soluble and insoluble. Soluble fiber dissolves easily in water and takes on a soft, gel-like consistency in your gut. Insoluble fiber passes through the intestines almost unchanged. The bulk and texture of fiber encourages soft, healthy stools that are easy to pass. You can find both soluble and insoluble fiber in fruits, vegetables, beans, nuts, seeds, and whole grains.
Drink More (of the Right) Fluids
While milk, coffee, black tea, soft drinks, and alcohol all provoke constipation, drinking plenty of the right kind of fluids will hydrate your body and get things moving a little more easily. Excellent options include herbal tea, natural fruit juices with no added sugar, detox waters, and, most importantly of all, purified water. I cannot overemphasize how important it is to drink plenty of clean, clear water. You should consume at least half your weight in ounces every day. In other words, if you weigh 160 pounds, then you should drink a minimum of 80 ounces every day.
Manage Stress Effectively
Stress isn’t just all in your head—it affects your body, too. Stress is a part of life; there’s no changing that. You can, however, learn to deal with stress constructively. There are many methods to do this, more than I can discuss in a single article, and different methods work better for different folks.
I recommend meditation. Meditation is a powerful, free therapy that helps relieve stress, soothe emotions, tune out distractions, and encourage clear, positive thinking.
Exercise Regularly
Constipated? Shake it loose. A sedentary lifestyle can contribute to constipation.[21] And, no, walking from your car to your couch doesn’t count as exercise. Try to get at least 45 minutes of semi-intensive aerobic exercise at least three times a week. The more you move, the more you inspire your bowels to move.
Take Probiotics
Somewhere around 100 trillion microorganisms live in your gut right now, but that’s nothing to fret over. These beneficial microorganisms are all part of a healthy, normal gastrointestinal system and are essential to your body’s function and overall health. Probiotics are the good guys you eat every day in foods like raw vegetables, fruit, and fermented foods. Consuming probiotic foods like kimchi, kombucha, tempeh, and sauerkraut can keep your gut microbiota healthy, aid digestion, and promote normal bowel movements.[22, 23]
Do a Colon Cleanse
Every day, your body is exposed to millions of harmful compounds from pollution, pesticides, vehicle emissions, PCBEs, cigarette smoke, VOCs, chemicals, prescription drugs, harmful organisms, toxic metals, and countless other sources. You can take steps to reduce your exposure to toxins in your life, but you can never eliminate them entirely. Over time, these agents accumulate to hazardous levels and cause more serious health concerns.
If you’ve altered your diet and still experience occasional constipation, try an oxygen-based intestinal cleanser like Oxy-Powder®. It will gently cleanse and detoxify your entire digestive tract to relieve bloating, gas, and occasional constipation.
Are there certain foods that make you constipated? How have you dealt with it? Leave a comment below and share your thoughts with us.
Kelly, 29, gives Marc David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, a snapshot of her challenges with weight. She is connecting her weight gain to some other unwanted symptoms like brain fog, acne, and fatigue. Diets feel too restrictive, and Kelly admits they have only taken her to a place of obsessive control over what she eats and over-exercising, or letting it all go and binging. Marc sheds some light on the situation, and invites her to view her situation as a life phase; a time in between being a caterpillar and a butterfly. Throughout her journey, she has tried different things, like Health at Every Size, and the Paleo Diet. But each thing has components that work for her, and components that don’t. Kelly walks away with new insights on navigating her emotional self outside of emotional eating, and learns a new, more empowering definition of ‘restrictive’.
Below is a transcript of this podcast episode:
Marc: Welcome, everyone. I’m Marc David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. And we are back in the Psychology of Eating podcast. I’m with Kelly today. Welcome, Kelly.
Kelly: Hi, Marc. Thank you.
Marc: Thank you. I’m glad we’re doing this. And let me just take a minute, Kelly, and say a couple of words to viewers and listeners.
If you’re returning to this podcast, thank you. Welcome back. I’m glad you’re here. If you’re new to this podcast, here’s how it works. Kelly and I are officially meeting for the first time right now. We’re going to have a session together. We’re going to see if we can move things forward in a good way.
So, Miss Kelly, if you could wave your magic wand and get whatever you wanted from this session, what would that be for you?
Kelly: Well, I think that would be I’d be about 40 pounds lighter, and then that way I would be able to walk into any kind of department store and find clothes that fit me right. And I would also be free of some of the health symptoms that I’ve been having.
Marc: What kind of health symptoms have you been having?
Kelly: Most recently I’ve had issues with joint pain. I also have problems with acne around my mouth — I get that a lot — mind fog, fatigue. I have night sweats. Those are the main ones I would say.
Marc: And you believe that’s related to weight?
Kelly: I think that some of it does have to do with weight. I think I do have some food sensitivities. I’ve been having a hard time eliminating some of those foods from my diet.
Marc: And so tell me what you think your food sensitivities are.
Kelly: I think that I am probably sensitive to gluten and dairy.
Marc: And tell me why you think that.
Kelly: Well about a year or two ago I went on a paleo diet. So I did an elimination diet. And a lot of the symptoms that I have now are gone. But I found it really difficult to stick to the paleo diet. And now that I’m back on a normal American diet, I have those symptoms again.
Marc: And the symptoms that disappeared that came back were which ones?
Kelly: The joint pain, the night sweats, the acne, the fatigue, the mind fog, pretty much everything.
Marc: Wow. So now you’re back on gluten and dairy.
Kelly: Yes. I’m pretty good at keeping it out of my diet maybe 70 percent of the time. I eat pretty healthy, and I eat pretty good quality food most of the time. But sometimes I fall back. Something happens in my life, and I get stressed, and I fall back into eating those other foods.
Marc: How long have you been trying to lose weight, Kelly?
Kelly: I’ve been dieting on and off since I was probably eight years old.
Marc: How old are you now?
Kelly: I’m 29.
Marc: And what’s been successful for you?
Kelly: I’ve done a lot of unhealthy dieting techniques. Actually I used to be 270 pounds. And I lost 80 pounds by over exercising, under eating. And I guess the main issue that I’m having with adjusting to eliminating those foods is I feel like I’m restricting myself again and that I’m getting back into disordered eating. So I mean I’ve done a lot of things that have worked in the short term. The paleo diet worked well, though restricting, and over-exercising worked in the short term, but nothing’s really worked for the long term.
Marc: Got it. So then it seems what happens is you may start to feel like you’re restricting, and then that doesn’t feel good for you. So I’m interested to know, what do you tell yourself? Let me in on a conversation that goes on in your head. Here you are. You’re on a paleo diet, feeling a little bit better. Maybe you’re losing a little weight. And then all of a sudden this conversation starts. What could it sound like?
Kelly: Well a lot of times it’s when I’m out with my friends eating dinner in a public place. I see my friends eating whatever they want. I see other people in the restaurant eating whatever they want and not having an issue with it. And they don’t have weight issues. They don’t have the health issues that I have. And it’s kind of like a rebellious voice in my head saying, “It doesn’t matter.” And I’m not thinking in that moment about the consequences of eating those things.
Marc: Sure, I understand. What do you want your weight to get down to? So you know how much weight you want to lose. What would that put you at?
Kelly: That would put me at 195. I’m about 235 right now.
Marc: When was the last time you were at 195?
Kelly: Let’s see. So that was when I lost 80 pounds. So that was when I was about 24 I believe, so about five years ago.
Marc: What started the dieting when you were eight years old? Did you really need to lose weight? Did your parents put you on a diet? How did that start?
Kelly: I have three sisters. They’re all very thin. I was bullied at school. So both of those things together made me feel like I needed to go on a diet. My dad teased me about my weight, but my parents never put me on a diet or anything. It was something that I did myself.
Marc: Where are you in the birth order of your sisters?
Kelly: I am the second.
Marc: And do you ever say to yourself, “Oh, I think I carry this extra weight because…?” What do you say to yourself?
Kelly: Well there are some people in my family who are larger, so I think sometimes it’s a genetic thing because I’ve always been a larger person. So I think there’s a genetic component to that. I’ve had problems with binge eating a lot of my life too. I think that has played a big part of it. I’d keep a lot of my emotions in. And so I stress eat. I do a lot of emotional eating. And that’s put on the weight too.
Marc: So these days how many times a week would you say you might binge eat or emotionally eat?
Kelly: It’s maybe actually for an entire day, maybe one to two days a week. And the rest of the week I’m probably eating more normally, like how I should be eating.
Marc: So maybe one or two days a week it just kind of falls apart, is what I hear you saying.
Kelly: Yeah.
Marc: Any particular days that might happen, during the week, weekend, doesn’t matter?
Kelly: Usually the weekend.
Marc: Why do you think the weekend?
Kelly: So Friday night I get done with work. I’m stressed. And sometimes I feel like I want to treat myself. And then it just spirals into binging basically.
Marc: What might you binge on? If you’re going to binge, what do you go for?
Kelly: I go for sweets. It used to be Little Debbies and things like that. But now it’s like sugar free high percentage cocoa chocolate and cashew butter and stuff like that. So I’ve evolved a little bit in that way, but it’s sweets.
Marc: And what happens afterwards, after that one or two days is kind of over? Do you have to force yourself to get back on track? How do you get back on track?
Kelly: It’s just like I get back into my regular routine. Monday or even Sunday evening rolls around. I get back into my old routine. And it’s pretty natural.
Marc: Do you live alone?
Kelly: Yes.
Marc: Are you in a relationship?
Kelly: Yes.
Marc: How long?
Kelly: It’s a new relationship, probably about six weeks now.
Marc: How’s it feeling so far?
Kelly: Really good, it’s a really good relationship.
Marc: What makes the relationship good for you?
Kelly: We have a lot in common. We have a lot of the same goals and values. He’s very supportive. He’s very loving. He’s just great.
Marc: How’s he feel about your body?
Kelly: He’s fine with my body. He just started a body building lifestyle though. So he’s lost some weight and is very strict with how he eats.
Marc: Is that hard for you?
Kelly: It’s hard for me to see him restrict himself because I remember kind of how that process started for me. And I don’t want to see him go through that.
Marc: Understood. Does he feel restricted to you? Does he say, “Oh my God, this is so hard, Kelly?” Or do you notice things?
Kelly: No. He calls himself a creature of habit. He really loves the routine. He thrives on that. He seems happy with what he has going on.
Marc: Got it. So you mentioned you’re the kind of person that you keep your emotions in. Are your sisters different?
Kelly: No, not really, they do the same thing, maybe not to the extent that I do, but they have some of the same behaviors.
Marc: How about your mom?
Kelly: Yeah, my mom and my dad both are like that.
Marc: Are you close with your parents?
Kelly: No.
Marc: How would you describe your relationship with them?
Kelly: Very distant, it’s almost non existent. I mean we talk on the holidays and things like that. It’s never really been a close relationship for either of us.
Marc: Is there a particular reason you think?
Kelly: They both have a lot of mental health issues. And I’ve just kind of decided that it’s not healthy for me to be around them with a lot of the behaviors that they have.
Marc: Do they live in the same state or town as you do?
Kelly: Yes. They live in the same area.
Marc: Do you bump into them? Is that an issue for you? Does it matter to you that they live close by?
Kelly: I do bump into them sometimes. It’s always weird and an anxious experience for me. But I deal, yeah. It’s not a huge problem though.
Marc: So in an ideal universe, let’s say you lost the weight that you wanted to lose, and you kept it off permanently, other than the fact that you lost that weight and maybe some of your symptoms go away, is this new you any different? Or do you just weight 40 pounds less and have fewer symptoms?
Kelly: I don’t think I would be that much different. I mean I might be a little bit more confident. I work in a corporate environment, so in that way I do feel pressured to be smaller and look more socially acceptable. But overall I don’t think that I would be a different person.
Marc: So you might be more confident. You might kind of fit in in your corporate environment, which would make you feel a little more comfortable. Is that accurate?
Kelly: Yes.
Marc: Okay. So here you are. You’re on a diet. You’re on a paleo diet. I kind of want to come back to this again. And there’s this part of you that all of a sudden might feel like you’re restricting. What does that feel like, when you go, “Oh my God, this is restriction.” Say more about this thing called restriction for you.
Kelly: Well there was a part of me that was kind of addicted to the restriction part of it. I loved feeling like I had control over it. But then I would just get more and more restrictive. So I would read all these books and articles about all these different ingredients and macro nutrients and things like that. And I would just get so obsessive over the tiniest little things. And it would just make me feel crazy after a while. And I felt like I couldn’t even leave my house because there were chemicals in everything, and I had to just control every little thing that I put in mouth or on my body.
Marc: Got it. So correct me if I’m not getting this right, or if I’m wrong. It sounds to me that in a weird way you’re either on a diet, whatever that diet is, that’s pretty, let’s call it restrictive or specific, or you’re totally off it.
Kelly: Yeah, for most of my life, it’s been like that.
Marc: And when you’re totally off there’s no major middle ground so to speak.
Kelly: I would say so.
Marc: Is that true?
Kelly: Yeah.
Marc: Okay. Are there weeks where on the weekends you don’t binge eat? Does that ever happen?
Kelly: Yeah, if I’m feeling particularly happy. Since I’ve been in this relationship I haven’t really been binging all that much. He lives about two and a half hours away. So if he’s here with me, I feel happy, and I don’t feel the need to binge as much.
Marc: Got it. How are you doing in this conversation? How is this for you, me asking you all these personal questions?
Kelly: It’s a little nerve wracking.
Marc: Yeah, it is, because they’re not easy questions. And I’m really kind of diving into your world. And it’s very personal. And for somebody who might not normally be emotional in terms of keeping her feelings out there, yeah, it’s not easy. So I appreciate you hanging in there with me.
Kelly: Thanks.
Marc: So when you lose weight, what do you tell yourself? “Oh my God, I’m losing weight.” Do you get happy? Do you get nervous? Do you think, “Oh my God, is this going to come back?” Does it feel like you celebrate? Tell me, when weight’s coming off, what goes on in your head?
Kelly: It’s a whole lot different for me now because I’ve kind of delved into the Health At Every Size movement. So it’s conflicting to me now. There’s more resistance in it because part of me wants to believe that I don’t need to lose weight. But I really still want to.
Marc: Yeah, I get it. Yeah, you’re not quite sure which way to go. And consequently you’re probably not going in any particular direction that feels solid and good to you, is what it sounds like.
Kelly: Yeah.
Marc: That makes sense to me. Where do you see yourself five years from now? If you could be where you want to be, other than food body and weight, putting that aside for a moment, let’s say that’s all perfect, five years from now, who do you want to be? What’s your life going to look like?
Kelly: I would like to be settled in a career that I feel more fulfilled in. I would like to be established, hopefully in my current relationship, maybe living together. Those are two main things, so a career that I feel more fulfilled in and a stable relationship.
Marc: And how about goals for you that are more inward, inside yourself?
Kelly: I would like to feel more secure with myself, feel like I’m worthy and that I’m good enough.
Marc: Yeah, that makes total sense. You’ve been working hard. You’ve been working hard. I get it. I think you’ve also been working hard to the degree that it’s easy to wonder, “Okay, where are the results? I’m putting in all this effort. I’m doing all the studying. I’m doing all this reading. I did these intense diets. I did this intense exercise.” Really, after doing intense exercise and intense dieting, you technically can’t work any harder than that. There’s no harder at some point. And what I’m getting from you is that you’re a little tired, probably, of all the hard work that doesn’t get you what you want. And the prospect of working harder makes absolutely no sense to you.
I think part of the reason why you rebel and go off a diet, you call it I don’t like the restricting, but there’s also a place where okay, it’s so difficult to maintain that do I have to work this hard. So let me say a few words about what I think might be helpful and useful for you. I’m going to just kind of bounce around a little, but we’re going to slowly, I think, drill down to what might be helpful for you.
First, there’s a minor detail I want to take care of, but it’s important for me to take care of this detail with you. At the beginning of the conversation when you talked about weight, and you talked about some of your health symptoms, you said, “Wow, when I lose the weight I’m not going to have these symptoms.” And all I wanted to say to you is other than maybe joint pain, you could have all those symptoms and weigh 120 pounds, for the most part, even joint pain.
So I just want to say that letting go of weight and being symptom free doesn’t necessarily follow one another. It might. I think I get what you were trying to say, which is, “Wow, if I eat a certain way, and I don’t eat foods that I’m allergic to, I will then lose weight, and I will then not have these symptoms.” You could potentially eat none of the foods you’re allergic to. You could get rid of all the junk food. You might not lose weight, but you might lose your symptoms. So this is a little detail. All I want to say is — and this is Health At Every Size — that we don’t exactly know what your symptoms are going to do relative to your weight. We don’t truly know. That’s just a little piece of information.
I am totally fine with you if you say to me, “I want to lose weight,” plain and simple. “I want to lose weight. I want to feel better about myself. I want to fit into clothes. I want to weigh something different in my work environment, in my sitting anywhere, being anywhere, being with my friends.” I think it’s perfectly legitimate for you to start to separate that out and not have to make excuses for it. Do you see what I’m saying? It’s like you can tell me, “Marc, I want to be living with my boyfriend at some point.” You don’t have to explain it to me any further than that. You don’t have to give excuses. “Well I want to be living with my boyfriend because it’s really the right thing to do,” or “That’s what a smart girl does.” It doesn’t matter. You can tell me I want a job I feel more fulfilled at. I don’t need any more information. You can give me more, but you don’t need to justify. That’s all I’m saying. You don’t need to justify if you want to lose weight and want to look a certain way. Does that land for you when I say that?
Kelly: Yes. Yes, it does.
Marc: I’m saying that in part because you’re in a conundrum in your head I think. So where I see you, if we were kind of at the shopping mall, and you know how they have those signs that say you are here? You’re trying to find the food court, or you’re trying to find a clothing store, and it’s a big mall, and where the heck am I? So I’m just trying to locate you on the map, okay. So when I locate you on the map, the way I look at maps I see you being in a time in your life — you’re 29. You’re in a major transition time. Age 28 to 30 is a big transition point. That two year period is oftentimes a period in life where things are in upheaval, where we’re really looking in the mirror, where we’re really redefining our values, where a lot of stuff comes to a head, where like it or not, life just kind of is right in front of us. Our issues become more clear. The road ahead of us becomes more clear, or it slowly does that. The things that don’t work start to raise their hand even more. And it’s just a time of shifting and chaos and uncertainty.
It’s kind of like being a caterpillar and spinning a cocoon. You’re going to come out a butterfly on the other end. But in the meantime you’re a caterpillar in a cocoon. And there’s a point where it’s just kind of very mushy. And it ain’t a caterpillar, and it ain’t a butterfly. It’s a bunch of mush inside a cocoon, literally. So I think this is a mushy time in life for you. And all I’m saying is it’s okay, because that’s what it is. So I’m also saying that to help you see that there’s a wisdom to your journey. There are certain parts of our journey that are very defined in advance, meaning we all go through this weird thing called puberty. It’s pretty predictable. Puberty’s a physiological event. It’s an emotional event. Women go through menopause. Men go through andropause. It’s a physiologic event. It’s an emotional event.
This stage of life that you’re in right now, it’s also new for you. So it makes sense to me that you’re feeling confused. And right now you have several different philosophies that you’re not sure which one works for you. So you’re looking at Health At Every Size, which I love, which is essentially putting out the message like hey, cut the nonsense. Stop hating yourself. Health and weight are not necessarily complex together. They might be. Extreme obesity and extreme anorexia, yeah, that’s going to affect your health. Everything else in between, it’s kind of a toss up. You could be skinny and slender and be very unhealthy and have cancer and die tomorrow. You could be 100 pounds overweight and live to be 90 years old.
So that’s what Health At Every Size tells us. And Health At Every Size says okay, love your body as it is. And it’s a beautiful message. But then there’s this part of you that has had this life of gosh, you’ve got three sisters who are slender. Is it genetics for me? What’s going on? What do I do? You try some things. You do lose weight. You do feel better. But it’s hard to maintain. So I get there’s a part of you which is totally legitimate. I just want to honor the part of you that says, “Wait a second, I think I got weight to lose.” Unfortunately, Health At Every Size doesn’t account for that person. It doesn’t. And I love Health At Every Size, but it just doesn’t account for that person. So you have a tricky road here right now because in a weird way both are true. It’s a little bit of a paradox. What’s true is all their messages are true. Yeah, love your body right now. It’s true. Your health and your weight are not necessarily complex together. It’s true. And what’s also true for you is you’d like to lose some weight. And sometimes you’re on board with that, and sometimes you’re not. You go back and forth. And you’re fighting yourself a little bit. So at the very least I want to see you let go of the easiest fights that you don’t need to be in.
Kelly: Sounds good to me.
Marc: Yeah, because one of the challenges for you is that you’ve been doing battle for a long time, it feels like. It’s just a battle in your world. The battle’s in your head. The battle is with your emotions, to keep them in and to play your cards right. And the battle is to try to feel good about yourself. The battle is to try to lose weight. And the battle is how to do it, how to do it sustainably, how to feel good about yourself. It’s exhausting.
Kelly: Yeah.
Marc: Yeah, so honestly, so much of what I get from you is there’s a certain battle weariness that I just pick up on. And I think that battle weariness is starting to impact you because it’s freezing you a little bit. You’re not sure what’s right for you right now.
Kelly: Yeah.
Marc: So what I’m saying is that’s okay. That’s a good place to be. That’s a good place to be because you’re doing what’s right. Here’s what you’re doing right. You’re looking at all your options. “Okay, wait, here’s a good option. Stop beating myself up and telling myself I’ve got to lose weight. What are the positive messages I can be giving myself?” That’s a very beautiful option to explore. On the other hand, you’re wanting to eat healthy because you notice you feel better. But whoops, that’s also hard. That’s restricting. I don’t want to restrict because that makes me crazy. So let me not restrict and make myself crazy. But that doesn’t work either. But the good news is, you’re going, “Huh, this sort of works, doesn’t. This sort of works, doesn’t. This sort of works, doesn’t.” So what you’re doing is you’re gathering more information about what works and what doesn’t. And it’s a little bit unfortunate because so far not one thing works.
Kelly: Yeah.
Marc: We would like to have one thing that works so we don’t have to be in this conversation, and you can live happily ever after. So here’s what I want to suggest to you. I want you to see if you can have a brief period of time where you call a timeout, a brief period of time where you call a timeout. And what that time out looks like is you’re not going to be pushing yourself in a particular direction to lose weight. You’re not going to be pushing yourself hard in the direction of a diet. You’re not going to be pushing yourself hard to not overeat or binge eat. I just want you to be a little bit more observant of yourself, let’s say for two months. For two months I want to see if you could just kind of live your life and pretend this didn’t exist for the most part. I know that sounds crazy. I know that sounds a little weird. I know the challenge still exists for you. And we’re still going to work on it. But we’re going to work on it in some different ways.
So what I’m saying is I would love to see you take a little bit of the pressure off yourself because when you take some of the pressure off yourself you are going to learn more about who you are and what your resources truly are. And I really mean your inner resources because right now there’s so much confusion in this head, there’s no room. There’s no room. There’s no room for any more stuff in there right now. Your head is full of information. Your head is full of facts. Your head is full of detail. Your head is full of experiences. Your head is full of data points in terms of what works, what doesn’t, macronutrients and all that kind of stuff. It’s full. I don’t want to fill it up with anything else. I want to start to empty that head out a little bit so you can start to feel a little more.
So one of the pieces of the puzzle is that, yeah, you will use food, not just the eating of food, so you can say I emotionally eat. That might be very well true. But here’s the thing. Your relationship with food and body right now is your primary relationship. It occupies a lot of your air time. And one of the purposes that it has is that it actually diverts you from your inner experience a little bit because you’ve got all kinds of interesting emotions going on there. We don’t even know what they are. So when you tell me yeah, I bump into my parents around town, and I feel really uncomfortable, I know over here, at the end of the day — and I’m telling you this just as your older brother on the journey here; I’m older than you; I’ve just been around the corner longer; I’ve been studying this stuff longer, what happens is as we are able to meet our parents without much judgment, without reacting, without needing to run away, without needing to do anything, is we look at them as people. And our insides are clear. We’re okay. It’s like hey, how you doing? Big hug.
When we get to that place, you’re dramatically more free. As a human being you’re dramatically more empowered. You’ll be more empowered about your body. You’re going to be more empowered about your relationship that you’re in now and your relationships, all of them, because our relationship with our parents informs every other relationship. And as long as we are in discomfort with them, that means there are just unresolved things. It happens. That’s the nature of the beast. That’s life. You didn’t have a perfect upbringing. Your parents weren’t the ideal parents, just weren’t. Most people could say that about their own parents. They weren’t ideal. I was not the ideal parent to my son. You will probably not be the ideal parent to your children. We’ll do our best. So all I’m saying is as a target to shoot for in the future, that’s where I want to see you go. But that takes a little bit of work. And in order to do that work we have to feel. We just have to feel. And in your family system, what I’m hearing is there’s been a little bit of a teaching called let’s not feel publicly or with each other. No, that gets swept under the rug. No, we don’t talk about that. No. And you’re a little bit borderline with that. You still believe in that, but you don’t. But you do, but you don’t. But you do. So you are still living in your parents’ house in that regards. I need you to start to choose who you want to be as an adult in this world independent of your parents. So you are independent of your parents, technically speaking. You don’t live with them. You live by yourself. You have your visits with your boyfriend. Who do you want to be? How do you want to show up? How do you want to talk to yourself? How do you want to believe? And more importantly, who do you want to be as an emotional woman, because the closer you play your cards, the harder it’s going to be for you, because you’re like everybody else.
You have emotions. And right now they get tied up in your relationship with food and in this drama we’re talking about. And they almost get buried in service to I need to lose weight. I’ve got these health issues. I’ve got these symptoms. Now I know you’ve got these symptoms. That’s legitimate. I know you want to lose weight. That’s legitimate. What I am saying to you is the most important thing I think for you to get where you want to go… so if I was going to get $100 million to help you lose weight permanently, this is exactly what I would be saying to you. If I was going to win a lot of money, and that was going to motivate me, I would be saying the exact thing, which is Kelly first needs to reacquaint herself with her emotional self. And this is emotional stuff. And I’m wanting to see you have friends that you can cry with and vent to in a big way and get real messy. I would love to see you get more messy in private, just messy, tissues all over the place. Do you ever do that?
Kelly: With myself, yeah, not with anyone else.
Marc: Do you have a girlfriend or girlfriends you could do that with?
Kelly: Not really, no.
Marc: Sisters?
Kelly: I probably could, but I don’t. Yeah, I’ve always been kind of a mother figure to them, at least the younger ones. So I just don’t do that.
Marc: Here’s what it is to me. It’s almost like there’s this part of you that you don’t feed. There’s this part of you that gets an empty plate, and it’s called the emotional part of Kelly. You just give her two little beans on a plate. The rest of you gets to eat. She doesn’t. And comes the weekend, it makes sense to me that you go for food. There is no way right now that I would try to take that away from you because that’s actually a way that you feel more intimate with yourself. You feel more connected. It actually helps you cycle some of your emotions, believe it or not. It doesn’t do it fully at all. But it’s the closest substitute for you to feel emotions because it’s just like oh my God, I want this. Oh my God, I need this. Oh my God, I’ve got to go for this. Oh my God, I feel better. Oh my God, I shouldn’t be doing this. So all these emotions start to circulate when you emotionally eat. So you’re reserving your emotional life for the plate. And it belongs to other places as well.
So I’m not saying to you don’t emotional eat. You have to right now in order for you to cycle some of your emotions. It helps you move there. So you will need to emotionally eat as long as you are a cool poker player. As long as you think you’ve got to play the role of Mom, as long as you think you’ve got to isolate and do this by yourself, that’s as long as you’re going to need to emotionally eat. So you have to create new family for yourself, chosen family, meaning you’re going to do a do over in a weird way now. And you’re going to start to surround yourself with people that can help bring you up and raise you in the direction you want to go, help uplift you. You need people you can have a 30 tissue evening with.
Kelly: It’s funny because I think I’ve known that. And I’ve started that process. I’ve found those people, but they’re kind of just there. And I haven’t taken it to the next step yet. I haven’t taken it to the next level just because I’m afraid to. I’m afraid to go there.
Marc: Okay. So I’m glad you said this. That’s very honest, and it’s very sweet, and thank you for saying that. And also, there’s a part of you that knows that. So I’m not telling you anything you don’t know. All I’m doing over here is I’m giving my opinions. And you’re measuring that against your own experience. That’s a very wise thing to do. So it’s not about me being right or wrong. It’s about me saying and you going, “Hmm, how does that land for me? How does that resonate for me?”
So here’s what I want to say to you. You have a very interesting definition of the word restriction. You have a very interesting relationship with the word restriction. And let me just spend a few minutes with this, tell you what I mean, and we’ll see if this is at all useful for you or helpful for you. The key thing that you told me that derails you when you’re on a diet or any kind of program is that at some point you feel this is restricting to me. And when I feel restricted, that sends me into a certain way of being that I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be in restriction because that’s not healthy for me. And I will agree with you. There’s a place where you don’t want to be in that unhealthy zone. What I believe you call restriction, really what you’re saying is obsession. When I start to get obsessive, that is unhealthy for me. Substitute the word obsessive for restrictive, restriction. When I get obsessive, oh my God, I shouldn’t eat this. Oh my God, I should do this. Oh my God, oh no, if I don’t do this, I’m going to be really screwed. And it’s like I did it, I didn’t do it. And it’s this obsessive nature that takes over and runs your brain.
Restriction, on the other hand, is really creating boundaries and definitions and guidelines. The light is red, and it says don’t walk, don’t walk. Otherwise you run the risk of getting killed. That ain’t a restriction. It’s not a restriction. It’s just smart freaking rules and guidelines that will help you. You are calling that don’t walk sign as a restriction. Why? Because there’s a little rebellious part of you that’s an eight year old girl. No eight year old girl should be on a freaking diet. No eight year old girl should be teased or made fun of or bullied. No eight year old girl should feel less than comparing herself to her sisters. No eight year old girl should be in any way disrespected or disregarded because of her body, her shape, or her weight.
So okay, you decide that wait a second, let me change my food. This will maybe somehow help me. And it feels like restriction because to a child’s mind, to an eight year old mind, it kind of is. There’s some voice saying, “You can’t do that.” And that voice looms large in your head. You can’t do that. You take the goodies away. So there’s an eight year old girl in you that rebels every time somebody’s trying to take something away from you because any good eight year old girl, any smart eight year old girl, is going to go. “No, I don’t want to diet. That’s nonsense.” So that’s the appropriate response for an eight year old, not for a 29 year old. For a 29 year old the appropriate response is, “Okay, what works, what doesn’t? What helps me, what hinders me? What advances me, what moves me back?” Simple in principle, not easy to practice, I understand that. What I’m saying is simple in principle, but I at least want you to understand the principle that I’m trying to outline here.
So what’s happening for you here is that you are growing up. You’re growing up. You’re 29. You’re growing up. You’re becoming more of an adult. I ask you adult questions. What do you want to be in five years? I want to have a better job. I want my relationship to deepen. Great. That’s a grown up question. And it’s a grown up answer because we’re growing up. And you’re trying to grow up in relationship with your body, in relationship with food, because you didn’t learn good skills for that. You weren’t taught good skills by the world. And there’s no fault here, by the way. I hope you know that. You were not given good skills. You were not given good information. You were not given what you needed to metabolize your life, to understand food, to understand your emotions, to understand what the hell’s going on here. You didn’t get any help whatsoever, as far as I can tell. So you were kind of on your own trying to figure it out. And you’ve done a really good job because what you’ve been trying to figure out is almost impossible to figure out on your own, almost impossible. And that’s why the diet industry around the planet is a $500 billion a year industry, because no one can freaking figure it out.
So this is me and you figuring it out for you as best we can, okay? So as best we can, what I’m saying to you is, once again, for me to get my $100 million by helping you lose weight, how I would do it is I would say, “Kelly, we are going to focus on the emotional you because I think that is the key to the kingdom because when you start feeding your emotional life with friends, with girlfriends, I would love for you to reach out to one sister who would be the easiest one for you to start an open, honest, real conversation with and evolve those relationships. They’re your sisters. You probably love each other, is my guess. And you’re probably all trying to play your cards close because what’s what you were taught. And you’re probably all wishing you were closer. And nobody says anything to anybody. And you’re probably all really cool people.
So you need girlfriends. I mean that. I really mean that. If you can get a coach, if you can get somebody who’s a mentor, whether you pay them or not, somebody who’s there for you that you can just be your emotional self with and be messy and not have to justify it. So here’s what I want to say to you. There are no justifications. I’m feeling bad today because… or I hate myself because… No, just let it out. I want you to be able to say whatever you want to say and just talk until you’re exhausted because my guess is there are a lot of words in there. And there are a lot of tears in there. There are a lot of laughs in there.
My sense is you’re also not aware of your own power. I mean that. And part of that’s just a function of your age. So when I look at you I see a very powerful lady who sits on her power, meaning it’s kind of like you’ve got a winning lottery ticket in your pocket, but you haven’t looked at your ticket. And you’re walking around kind of feeling short handed not knowing you’ve got a winning ticket. If you knew you had a winning ticket, you’d be so happy. But you just haven’t looked at the ticket yet. And that’s okay. It takes time sometimes. But what I want to say is that you’ve got way more going for you to me than you know, than you can imagine, in a good way. And the way you start to meet her and meet your destiny more and meet your power more is to start to get more cozy and comfortable with your emotional self. And the way you start to get more cozy and comfortable with your emotional self is to realize that your emotional self oftentimes is a mess. And you don’t like messes emotionally. Is that true?
Kelly: Yeah, that is very true.
Marc: Yeah, so it gets messy. You don’t have to be messy in public. I just want you to be messy behind closed doors. I want you to meet that part of you because when you do you’re going to start to be more free.
There’s something I talk about in our professional training to our coach trainees. And it’s how weight is oftentimes potential energy that is stored. According to science, fat on one’s body is considered stored energy. So if somebody’s carrying around 50 extra pounds, it’s considered stored energy. And what they mean is stored caloric energy. That’s a certain degree where that’s true. Sure, stored energy, right, you could burn it and use it for energy. Oftentimes it’s also stored emotional energy. It’s stored power. It’s stored brilliance. It’s stored inspiration. It’s stored anger. It’s stored rage. It’s stored love, energy for life, fuel for life, all of it. There’s a place where, in my belief, some of your extra weight is just your energy. It’s your expression.
So it’s not about losing weight for you. For you it’s about expressing yourself. If you freaking focus on losing weight, losing weight, losing weight, you’re focusing in the wrong direction. That’s like saying, “I need more money. Let me focus on money. Do I print it? No, that’s illegal. Do I steal it” — focus on the money — “that’s illegal. I could borrow it.” Okay, but that doesn’t really teach you how to make money. So if we’re going to really focus on money, maybe we focus on a skill. Maybe we focus on a career path. So we’re trying to draw an analogy. You’re focusing on a bunch of body pounds. That’s where your focus has been. In order to lose weight, you’ve been focusing on the pounds themselves, which means you focus on exercise, which means you focus on diet.
That has not worked for you. The reason why it hasn’t worked is it’s not your road. It’s not your road to take that’s going to take you there. You are discovering that. I am over here raising my hand saying me being fanatic about this kind of stuff, that’s what I personally see here. It’s not going to be your road. Your road is going to be being you. And when you be you, your body can be it. When you be the real you, your body can be the real it. If your body has a real weight, if your body has a natural weight, it will track the natural you for many, many people. Is this true for every single human? No. Do I think it’s true for you? Absolutely. Your weight will track you. As you start to be you, your body can then start to find its more rightful place. So that’s why I’m asking you to defocus on the weight for two months because I want you to start to focus on you a little bit more. I want you to focus on girlfriends. I want you to focus on reaching out to a sister. I want you to focus on emotions. I want you to focus on having crying sessions and talking sessions. And just literally I want you to think, “Huh, Marc said be messy, messy, snotty, tears, crying, don’t hold back, doesn’t matter.” That’s going to help grease the wheels and get things moving for you and help you start to access you more.
So I’m talking away here quite a bit. How are you doing? How’s this all landing for you? Tell me how you’re digesting this.
Kelly: Well you talked about how I needed girlfriends, I needed to express myself more. And I’ve known that for a while. And I’ve been slowly working towards that I think. But I guess I just never realized that that could be tied into my health issues or my weight issues. So I’m kind of trying to digest that still.
Marc: Got it. So I’m going to leave you with that thought because that’s what’s on the table here. And we’re at that time. And what I want to say to you is I feel pretty strongly about this for you. And I really want you to think about it. And I really want you to consider it because if dieting and exercise would’ve worked, it would’ve worked for you. And what I’m saying is your emotional eating, it’s an interesting term, emotion and eating. It’s connecting the dots for us. So it means that the answer’s found in the emotional realm oftentimes. So it’s not about stopping emotional eating. It’s about you beginning your emotional journey in a whole new way, is what I’m suggesting for you. And I would love for you to consider that.
And we are at that time. And Miss Kelly, you have been very, very generous and honest talking about showing up with one’s emotional self. You have been doing that this entire conversation. To me you’ve been very brave. You’ve been very honest. You’ve been very real. You’ve been a little messy. And when I say messy, that’s a compliment. I really mean that. I know you got the part of you that’s well put together and that’s organized and that’s on target. And I get it. And she’s beautiful and wonderful. And you’ve got these other parts of you as well that need to be honored in addition. And we get to have a follow up session in a bunch of months. And I look forward to that and just kind of checking in and seeing how you’re doing.
Kelly: Me too, I think it’ll be good.
Marc: Yeah. Kelly, thank you so much for being along for the ride here and being so willing to hang in there. I really appreciate it.
Kelly: Thank you too, Marc. I really appreciate your time. It’s an honor.
Marc: Okay, same here, Miss Kelly. You take care.
Kelly: All right. You too. Bye bye.
Marc: And you take care everybody else. I’m Marc David on behalf of the Psychology of Eating podcast.
I hope this was helpful. Thanks for listening to the Psychology of Eating podcast. To learn more about the breakthrough body of work we teach here at the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, please sign up for our free video series at IPE.tips. That’s I for Institute, P for Psychology, E for Eating.tips. T-i-p-s. You’ll learn about the cutting-edge principles of dynamic eating psychology and mind/body nutrition that have helped millions of people forever transform their relationship with food, body, and health.
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