A fasting diet is a nutritional therapy involving either full or partial caloric restriction. It can be a challenge if you embark on one unprepared and unaware. There are many ways you can prepare yourself for a fast. In this article, I’ll give you the tips and tricks that’ll help you successfully reach your fasting goals such as healthy habits, nutrition, and hunger management.
Make things easy on yourself from the very beginning. First, make sure you do your research into fasting, especially if you’re aiming a for specific health benefit. Not all fasts have the same results, so choose your fast carefully to achieve your goals. Before embarking on your fast, speak with your trusted health care provider about your plans. They’ll be able to advise you if any medications or supplements you take will need to be adjusted for the fast.
Tips on How To Get Through a Fast
Get a head start on any new projects before starting your fast.
Complete any chores to make mornings easier.
Don’t overcommit to social engagements for the duration of the fast.
Prepare yourself emotionally for hunger and irritability.
Trying indulging in a hobby you don’t normally have time for to keep busy.
Set clear boundaries before beginning.
Establish Clear, Measurable Goals
With any new routine or healthy habit, it’s important to set measurable goals, instead of vague undefined objectives. Assign a number to the goal. Pick a percentage, duration length, or reading on a ketone strip. You’ll get a big boost in your sense of accomplishment once if you make it. If not, you’ll be able to evaluate how close you got to it, giving a new milestone for next time. When fasting, your goal might be to go a set amount of time without breaking the fast, liver detoxification, losing body fat, cleansing your diet of particular foods, or experiencing the clear thinking associated with fasting.
Know Yourself
Despite the many benefits, fasting is still challenging. If you’re crabby when you’re hungry, expect to be the same on your fast—only slightly worse. For the first 2-3 days, you’ll likely experience some negative sensations, and your mood may suffer as a result. During the first day or two, intense hunger is normal, but this feeling quickly fades. You may find the mild physical discomfort of hunger pales in comparison to the effect on your mood. Some people report feeling shaky, weak, dizzy, or just generally out of sorts while their body adjusts. Prepare yourself mentally for these sensations.
These feelings can affect how you respond to adverse situations and interact with other people. Check in with yourself and your feelings. Are you impatient for a reason or are you just feeling a little irritable? Are you dealing with your challenges in a healthy way, or are you letting them get the best of you? Be cognizant of your mental state and emotional disposition throught your fast and do what’s necessary to steer yourself toward a more positive experience for yourself and those around you. When you speak with others, try to acknowledge that any crankiness is due to low blood sugar rather the person or project you’re currently working on. Take a moment to compose yourself by breathing deeply or try meditating to reflect on your emotional state.
Get a Jump on Work
The first few days will be the toughest, so prepare yourself at home and work so that your days run as smoothly as possible. To compensate, try to get ahead on any projects that require intense mental effort in the days leading up to your fast. The best practice is preparing as though you’ll be slightly dazed for the first 2-3 days. Stress and fasting are not a good pair, so try to make up for any heavy mental lifting early by getting ahead. That way you can relax, and you’ll be able to dial it back a little and take the pressure off for the first few days.
Detox Your Diet
Two weeks before your fast, eliminate the food you crave the most. If you have a particular weakness for soda or fries, try eliminating these items from your diet before you begin fasting. Cravings for specific foods are normal, but while you’re fasting, you won’t be able to satisfy them. To dispel their power over you, try cutting these kinds of foods from your diet a week or two before fasting.
Tidy Up at Home
Losing your shoes, misplacing your keys, or not having something to wear are some of those daily frustrations that you can easily avoid with some timely preparation. When you’re fasting, these kinds of frustrations can feel a lot more frustrating, so plan ahead for them to make mornings easier.
Before your fast, complete your chores. Pick up the dry cleaning, pay any bills due soon, wash and fold your laundry, make sure all the walkways in your home are clear of tripping hazards—take care of anything that might cause you to hit a snag or have a meltdown. As you fast, you might begin to feel floaty and euphoric, so try to be diligent about putting your belongings where they need to go.
Overcoming Obstacles While Fasting
Now that you know what to expect, here’s a little primer on overcoming the obstacles that arise while you’re fasting.
Drink Water to Manage Hunger
Cravings are one of the most significant obstacles when you’re just starting your fast and it may begin to feel like an uphill battle with little incentive to keep going. You may notice that your sense of smell is heightened when you’re fasting. Fortunately, you’ll only feel cravings for the first 72 hours.
Hunger and thirst are often confused, and while this might not be the case on day two of your fast, filling up on water can help alleviate some feelings of hunger. You could also try an appetite suppressant like Slimirex® to quell your cravings. Warm, fragrant herbal teas are another excellent option to quiet a grumbling stomach. If you’re not on a strict water fast, you can also have some clear broth or thinned juice to keep your energy up.
Keep Your Fast to Yourself
Of the many potential foibles that stand in your way, the one you might not expect is the people around you. Scientific research on fasting research is not well circulated or well-known among the general populace, so you’ll likely meet with vehement resistance if you tell anyone that you’re fasting for health purposes.
You friends and family might not approve, especially if they’re unfamiliar with fasting. Most people equate fasting with starving and immediately dismiss the merits of the practice out of hand. Of course, you could show your naysayers studies and articles on the benefits of fasting once in awhile, but chances are you won’t be able to change their mind. Your best bet is only telling the people who need to know. This list includes your partner, your health care provider, and maybe your immediate supervisor.
Start Your Fast Before a Weekend
Since the first 2-3 days are the toughest, try timing your fast to begin on a Friday after lunch. This way the most difficult days will be on your own time when you don’t have to deal with getting ready for work, traffic, or the scent of donuts wafting from the break room.
Get Plenty of Rest
Expect to feel tired, initially. Your body is adjusting and you’ll likely feel drained both emotionally and in terms energy. Treat yourself to a good night’s rest.
Go Easy at the Gym
Take it easy on your workouts. Fat metabolizes much more slowly than carbohydrates and protein, so your best bet to spare muscle while fasting is an easy walk or a restorative yoga class.[1, 2]
Coping With Boredom
Without all the meal prep, cleaning, and meal times, you might find you have some extra time on your hands. To avoid giving into that initial gnawing hunger, try picking up a new hobby you don’t normally have time to do. Something that keeps your hands busy is a better option than idly sitting and watching tv. Knitting, sewing, reading, woodworking, journaling, video games, or another hobby are effective ways to keep your idle hands from reaching into the pantry. Find something you look forward to doing to keep your mind off eating.
Take a Nap
Mealtimes might be difficult, so don’t hesitate to skip out and take a powernap. If you’re at work, try taking a short siesta in your car or in a quiet room. You’ll wake up feeling refreshed and ready instead of stuffed.
Remind Yourself of Your Goals
If you find yourself trying to rationalize breaking your fast earlier than you planned, simply reflecting on why you wanted to fast to begin with will help you overcome this desire. That said, make sure to listen to your body. If you begin to feel ill or very weak, don’t put off breaking your fast out of stubbornness or competition. Don’t try to do more than your body can handle. Don’t worry, you can always try again.
Keep Your Energy Levels Up
Fasting can leave you feeling depleted in more ways that one. In addition to staying hydrated, you might also consider supplementing with B vitamins to recoup some of your energy. VeganSafe™ B-12 is formulated with methylcobalamin, the form of B-12 your body needs to keep you energized.
Breaking Your Fast
Breaking your fast properly is critical. The first foods you feed your body after fasting determine how successful you are at maintaining the progress you’ve made. Don’t undermine all the progress by breaking your fast with unhealthy starchy, greasy, or fried foods.
When you’re coming out of your fast, try to stay away from sugary foods. The ideal first meal would be something like watermelon or a small healthy mixed green salad with some healthy fats like walnuts and a scant drizzle of full-fat salad dressing. You can also try raw veggies with a little tahini or some olive oil with herbs. Avoid bottled dressings that are loaded with sugar, salt, and vinegar that may be a bit too sharp for your palate. This will help you refamiliarize your body with solid foods without overwhelming it with a flood of sugar.
Ideally, the foods you eat in the transition period between fasting and eating normally should be the kinds of things you would eat on a cleanse. This is going to be things like raw, fibrous vegetables, watery soups that don’t contain too much starch, nuts, seeds, and ancient grains mixed with raw or steamed vegetables. Start incorporating fruit back into your diet 1-2 days after breaking the fast. Fruits contain a lot of sugar, so try sticking with low-glycemic fruits like cherries, coconut meat, watermelon, avocados, and blueberries.[3, 4,5,6]
Lasting Changes After Fasting
Think of breaking your fast as the chance to upgrade your lifestyle. Fasting is not only one of the best ways to activate your body’s self-healing process, it’s also re-sensitizes your palate to subtle flavors.You’ll find that foods that were once bland or uninteresting are now bursting with flavor.
This is your opportunity to structure your diet around micronutrient-dense foods bursting with vitamins, minerals, and phytonutrients that are essential to your health.Eat the kinds of meals built around foods you usually aspire to eat—celeriac, kale juice, and smoothie bowls—all of those beautiful healthy things you would eat if you only had that time and the inclination.
If you want to learn more about fasting, read our guide to the different types of fasting to figure out which fast is right for you.
Do you have any fasting tips to contribute? Tell us about them in the comments below!
If you want to eliminate your neck, shoulder and upper back pain one of the first steps you must take is to stop schlumping. Many people suffer from kyphosis, a.k.a. schlumping, which is technically defined as an upper back curvature greater than 35 degrees. When you schlump on a regular basis, your head has no place […]
Source: http://unlimitedenergynow.com/overhead-lat-stretch-an-essential-cure-for-kyphosis/
We need iron to live. Without it, our red blood cells wouldn’t be able to carry oxygen through our blood. Iron plays essential roles in energy metabolism, hormone synthesis, growth, development, brain function, immune activity, and cellular function.[1, 2] However, you only need trace amounts of this important nutrient to maintain proper iron balance. Excess iron intake can quickly become dangerous.
Iron toxicity is an overdose caused by ingesting too much iron. It can be either gradual or acute. Acute iron poisoning is very dangerous and requires immediate action.
What Is Iron Poisoning?
The term “iron poisoning” generally refers to a sudden, acute iron overdose rather than a slow, gradual buildup of iron. It usually occurs when a person greatly exceeds the recommended dosage of iron pills. Excessive iron is corrosive to the digestive system, making the symptoms traumatic and hard to miss. The symptoms of iron poisoning come in several distinct stages.
Stage 1: This stage occurs in the first six hours after ingestion. Initial symptoms of iron poisoning include abdominal pain, nausea, drowsiness, diarrhea, and bloody vomiting. Continuous vomiting may cause dehydration. In more extreme cases the patient may lose consciousness or lapse into a coma.
Stage 2: The second stage typically lasts a day or two. In this stage, symptoms seem to improve. Many people assume this means that the danger has passed, but this is still a very dangerous time. The initial symptoms appear to ease because the iron has moved from digestive system. However, it is now in the bloodstream, where it can do even more damage.
Stage 3: Over the course of the next few days, iron will circulate throughout the body, slowly damaging organs and tissue. This leads to seizures, shock, internal bleeding, severe liver damage, and dangerously low blood pressure, any of which could each be fatal. [3]
When to Seek Help for Iron Poisoning
If you suspect that yourself or a loved one are currently experiencing acute iron poisoning, call your local poison control center immediately! If you’re anywhere in the United States, you can dial 1-800-222-1222 to contact the free poison helpline. Operated by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, this national helpline is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year.
While anyone can suffer from acute iron overload, children are particularly vulnerable. The FDA requires that all iron supplements include the following warning directly on the label:
“WARNING: Accidental overdose of iron-containing products is a leading cause of fatal poisoning in children under 6. Keep this product out of reach of children. In the case of accidental overdose, call a doctor or poison control center immediately.”
Iron pills often take the form of small, bright red disks that could be mistaken for candy by a curious child. Take steps to make sure that children can’t get a hold of your iron supplements.
Use child-resistant containers, but remember that there is no such thing as “child-proof.” Given time, a sufficiently determined child can get into anything. A child-resistant container should slow them down, but don’t rely on it as your sole means of deterrence.
Keep all vitamins and supplements out of the reach and sight of children. Like child resistant containers, this is just one precaution, not a complete solution. Children can and will climb on anything. Putting your pills are on a tall shelf doesn’t mean that they’re entirely out of reach. If possible, keep your supplements in a locked cabinet.
Make sure that all purses and bags that contain vitamins and supplements are also out of a child’s reach. Be aware of any guest’s bags as well.
Never put disposed-of medications in an open trash container where children can reach them.
Be aware of all medications, vitamins, and supplements in your own home, and any home where your child spends time, like grandma’s or a friend’s house.
Iron Poisoning in Pets
Like children, pets also have a habit of eating things they shouldn’t. The symptoms of iron poisoning in dogs are very similar to that of humans—vomiting, bloody diarrhea, lethargy, and abdominal pain. Symptoms can progress to tremors, cardiac distress, liver damage, and severe shock.
You can keep pets safe from iron poisoning by following the same precautions you would with children. Keep your supplements well out of the reach of your furry family members. Some pets seem to regard the garbage can as a type of buffet, so be extra aware of what goes in the trash. Iron can also be found in chemical hand warmers, fertilizers, and oxygen absorbers (those little “do not eat” packets found in some prepackaged foods and consumer goods). Be sure to keep these items away from pets.
What Is Gradual Iron Toxicity?
Slow, chronic iron toxicity is usually referred to as iron overload disease, ferrotoxicity, or iron buildup. While not as immediately life-threatening as acute iron poisoning, it nonetheless carries its own severe health risks.
Once absorbed, the human body doesn’t have a mechanism for getting rid of excess iron. While trace amounts of iron are lost through urination and excretion, you mostly lose iron only when you lose blood. This includes menstruation, which is one reason why women have higher iron needs than men. Excess iron damages your organs and tissues and increases oxidative stress throughout your body.[4]
What Is Hemochromatosis?
Hemochromatosis is a hereditary condition that can exacerbate iron toxicity. Normally, a liver hormone called hepcidin regulates the absorption, use, and storage of iron in the body. In those with hemochromatosis, a genetic mutation disrupts hepcidin, causing the body to absorb iron indiscriminately, regardless of iron status. It can increase the risk of joint issues, diabetes, liver damage, coronary issues, and reproductive abnormalities.
Hemochromatosis most heavily affects people of European descent; approximately 1 in 10 are potential carriers of the gene that causes this disorder. Most people who carry this gene are asymptomatic, but the condition is active in about four out of every 1000. Hemochromatosis is far less common in other ethnic groups. If you have hemochromatosis, avoid iron supplements and monitor your intake of vitamin C.[5]
Does Iron Interact With Other Supplements or Medications?
High-dose iron supplements can react poorly with many types of medication. Possible interactions can occur with thyroid replacement hormones, birth control, antibiotics, blood pressure medication, and prescriptions that treat ulcers and other stomach problems. Check with a healthcare professional before starting iron supplements if you take any kind of medication, vitamins, or supplements.[6]
There are two main types of dietary iron—heme and nonheme. Heme iron comes from animal sources, while nonheme comes from plants. Heme iron is absorbed by the body more quickly, so it is often mistakenly thought that vegans and vegetarians are more at risk for iron deficiency. Research, however, has found that those who follow a plant-based diet are no more likely to suffer from iron deficiency anemia than anybody else.[7]
In fact, nonheme iron provides a safer and more stable iron absorption rate. Nonheme iron is associated with significantly lower rates of metabolic syndrome, heart disease, diabetes, stroke, and cancer than its meat-based counterpart. For every milligram of heme iron you consume, your risk of heart disease increases by 27%. The cancer risk also increases significantly.[8]
This may be because iron acts as an oxidant in the human body, adding to your free radical load and causing oxidative damage. Nonheme iron is often found in foods that contain potent antioxidants, like vitamin C. These antioxidants inhibit oxidation and terminate the chain reactions that produce free radicals.
Find the Right Balance
Iron is a double-edged sword. If your iron levels are low, you may face the health risks of iron deficiency anemia; too high, and you’ll have to deal with acute or chronic iron toxicity. Ultimately, like many things in health and life, iron is all about finding the right balance. Try getting your iron from food sources instead of pills; this reduces the risk of overdose drastically. Food, particularly plant-based food, is the safest way to incorporate iron into your diet. Fortunately, there are plenty of excellent, plant-based, iron-rich foods.
Supplementation may be beneficial in some cases, such as iron deficiency anemia or during pregnancy. If you do supplement with iron, I advise caution. Some people approach supplements with the assumption that “if some is good, then more must be better.” This is a reckless attitude that can have serious, possibly dangerous, health consequences. Consult your trusted health care advisor before taking an iron supplement, and take only as directed.
Never give iron supplements to a child younger than 18 unless under the supervision of a healthcare professional. A healthy adult should only need between 18 and 27 mg of iron each day. Pregnant women should aim for somewhere between 27 and 45 mg total.[1] Except in cases of extreme deficiency, iron doses higher than that are unwise and unhealthy.
If you do choose supplementation, be sure to do your research. Avoid elemental iron supplements. I recommend a nonheme supplement with no more than 18 mg of iron per serving.
Have you had an experience with iron toxicity? How do you make sure you have the right iron balance? Let us know in the comments!
Following a healthy diet is one of the most effective measures you can take to support your health and well-being, and the carbohydrates you eat can make or break you. The right carbohydrates will provide slow, steady-release energy along with important nutrients; the wrong carbohydrates, such as high fructose corn syrup, refined sugar, and bleached flour, can set you back and actively work against your pursuit of health. Here, we’ll cover what you need to know to choose the right carbohydrates.
What Are Carbohydrates?
Along with fat and protein, carbohydrates are one of the three main macronutrients that make up the average diet. Their primary function in the human body is to provide energy. Carbohydrates, which are categorized as simple or complex, encompass a broad range of sugars, starches, and fiber.
Sugar, Starch, and Fiber
In nature, sugar is found in animal milk and fruit.[1] Sugar is categorized as either monosaccharides or disaccharides. Monosaccharides, which are the simplest of sugars, are individual sugar molecules. The human diet contains three monosaccharides—glucose, fructose, and galactose. Individual monosaccharides combine to form disaccharides—maltose (glucose + glucose—malt sugar), sucrose (glucose + fructose—table sugar), and lactose (glucose + galactose—milk sugar).
Starches, also called polysaccharides or complex carbohydrates, are longer chains of individual sugar molecules.
Fiber, which is undigestible, non-starch polysaccharides, encourages bowel regularity and significantly reduces the risk of many lifestyle-related conditions.[4] Dietary fiber also feeds the health-promoting microbes in the gut to boost immune function, encourage healthy weight and metabolism, and even influence mental well-being.[5, 6,7]
What Are Complex Carbohydrates?
Simply put, complex carbohydrates are the good carbohydrates you should base your diet around. Complex carbohydrates are sugar molecules that are strung together in long, complex chains. Because of that complex structure, the body digests them slowly and they generally don’t produce a spike in blood sugar. Oatmeal, brown rice, beans, green vegetables, and alternative grains are all good sources of complex carbohydrates. As you might guess from those examples, one of the benefits of complex carbohydrates is that they’re typically a good source of vitamins, minerals, and other important micronutrients.
What Are Simple Carbohydrates?
Simple carbohydrates, also called simple sugars, are just that—simple. They’re comprised of one or two sugar molecules and the body is able to digest them quickly, which makes them a fast-acting source of energy. If, for example, you’re an athlete in the middle of a competition and need energy to burn, that can be a good thing. But, if you’re sedentary, simple carbohydrates are more likely to spike your blood sugar and make you gain weight.
Not all simple carbohydrates are bad. Fresh fruit provides simple carbohydrates, but it also provides fiber. Simple carbohydrates with fiber are more like complex carbohydrates, and the body digests and absorbs them more slowly as such.
Refined Carbohydrates: Too Simple
Conversely, removing fiber from complex carbohydrates will make it act like simple carbohydrates. These carbohydrates, often referred to as refined carbohydrates, come from whole, natural foods, but they’ve been processed to the point that they are no longer resemble their original form. High fructose corn syrup and bleached white flour are common examples. High fructose corn syrup is better described as a chemical sweetener than a natural corn product. Pasta, white bread, and even fruit juice are examples of refined carbohydrates.
The questionable value of fruit juice is a surprise to many people. It’s easy to think a large quantity of fresh fruit juice is nothing but good, but keep in mind that the fiber has been removed and the simple sugars remain, sometimes a high level of sugar. It’s best to limit your intake of simple carbohydrates, especially if they’re refined. If you need to clean up your diet, eliminating simple sugars is the best place to start.
Choosing the Right Carbohydrates
Selecting the right carbohydrates is easy when you keep a few fundamental guidelines in mind.
Eat Your Vegetables
First, build your diet around whole, organic vegetables and fruit. Plant-based nutrients encourage graceful aging, promote healthy cell division, and reduce your risk of lifestyle-related health conditions. Lean toward produce that has bright, vibrant colors as it provides a wide spectrum of phytonutrients such as vitamins, minerals, and fiber. Unfortunately, less than 3% of adults get enough fiber every day.[2] That’s no surprise, considering 76% of Americans don’t get eat enough fruit and 87% don’t eat enough vegetables.[3] As a rule of thumb, I try to consume twice as many vegetables as fruit.
Beans, Seeds, Nuts, and Alternative Grains
Legumes like lentils, beans, and peas are nutrient dense and versatile. Seeds and nuts, especially almonds, walnuts, macadamias, chia seeds, pumpkin seeds, and sunflower seeds are good sources of carbohydrates. When selecting starchy foods, such as rice, bread and any other products made from flour, it’s best to opt for whole grain versions of these products. Whole grain foods affect blood glucose levels albeit more slowly than other carbohydrates.
Many people depend on the glycemic index to determine if their food is a good source of carbohydrates. The glycemic index rates carbohydrates according to how quickly they raise blood sugar. Although the glycemic index can provide food for thought, it’s best to treat the index as more of a guideline than a hard and fast rule. Some research suggests the accuracy of the glycemic index may vary.
Good Sources of Carbohydrates
There are a number of good sources of carbohydrates that provide energy and important nutrients without artificial ingredients or additives.
Even more than simply being devoid of nutritional value and fiber, bad carbohydrates like high fructose corn syrup, white flour, and refined sugar are actively detrimental to your health and well-being. Minimize (or, preferably, eliminate) refined and processed carbohydrates from your diet. Soda, white flour, refined sugar, and the like don’t provide any real nutritional value and often times are the very food that clutters up an otherwise healthy diet.
Baked goods: bread, muffins, bagels, and cornbread
Sweetened beverages: soda, energy drinks, fruit juice cocktails, alcoholic mixers, sweet tea, sweetened smoothies, sugary coffee-based drinks, and milk shakes
Packaged snacks: cereal, gummy snacks, pretzels, and cereal bars
Overly processed foods: french fries, chips, most frozen meals, toaster pastries, pizza dough, and cereal
Confections and candy: ice cream, cake, brownies, and cookies
White pasta, vermicelli, fideo, and couscous
A Balanced Diet Is Key
A balanced diet is key to experiencing good health and wellness. To thrive, consider what’s best for you, not just what’s good enough. If eating clean isn’t helping you meet your health goals quickly enough, consider fasting. I designed a Vegan Ketogenic Fast to cleanse the body of stored toxins and help you shed excess weight.
What’s your take on carbohydrates? Leave a comment below and share your thoughts with us.
Long before you became a part of your community and, hopefully, a contributing member of society, there were the original communities, which were made of a network of bacteria. The inhabitants of these worked together to ensure the survival of as many members as possible. Today, these communities are called biofilms and they’re found almost anywhere they can survive. Fossil records indicate they’re at least 3.25 million years old, and they’ve been with us ever since.[1]
What Are Biofilms?
Biofilms are slimy, microbial strongholds that grow in aqueous environments and typically adhere to surfaces. If you’ve ever taken a microbiology lab, you’ve probably seen sticky glue-like substances grow in Petri dishes after performing a smear. The small slimy colonies smeared on plates are biofilms. They’re inhabited by tiny individual microbial colonies of bacteria, yeast, or algae. Outside the lab, the types of surfaces biofilms stick to range from the interior of sink pipes to boat hulls, the exterior of rocks and leaves, and even areas of the body like your teeth and tissues. Some well-known examples you might be familiar with include pond scum, mildew, kombucha SCOBYs, and dental plaque.
Biofilms help ensure the survival of the various microscopic organism species that they’re composed of by decreasing their chances of being removed or eliminated by soaps, antiseptic detergents, and antibiotics. Usually, only the surface or edges of the biofilm are affected, protecting the deeper layers of microorganisms and slime from removal. This presents a health concern if the biofilm contains harmful microorganisms. In fact, some researchers believe that some persistent or recurring infections may result from stubborn biofilms in the body that evade immune defenses.[2]
Biofilms aren’t all bad, though. Beneficial biofilms in your gut provide a stable colony of probiotic bacterial and fungal species that prevent harmful colonies from gaining a foothold in your gut ecosystem. Biofilms develop in the appendix, mouth, vagina, colon, ear canals, lungs, and nasal passages. Despite being a seemingly dry tissue, your skin harbors a community of S. epidermidis in a biofilm structure found throughout the outer layers of your epidermis.[3]
How Do Biofilms Form?
The microorganisms most people are familiar with are planktonic, or free floating, organisms. The formation of a biofilm usually begins when a single planktonic microbe tenuously clings to a surface. In the body, this typically means a given microbe finds a molecular handhold called an adhesion site on a surface (epithelial) cell of one of your tissues or organs, but microbes can also cling to the mucous layer that covers certain tissues. From here, other microbes begin linking to the original.[4]
This small collection of microorganisms forms a settlement on the surface by secreting a substance called extracellular polymeric substance (EPS), which is made of enzymes, DNA, proteins, and sugar molecules called polysaccharides. It’s kind of like microbial terraforming. They make your body a more hospitable environment for more microbial cells and act as a sort of spider’s web, preventing microbial cells from dislodging from the matrix. Notably, these colonies are more slime than cells. Only about 15% of a given biofilm is made up of cells. The remaining 85% is comprised of the slimy EPS matrix.[3]
This network of microbes and slime develops channels to transport nutrients and water to the microcolonies embedded within it, much like how the blood vessels in your body supply your cells with nutrients. These cells almost function as an organ by communicating with each other using the slimy matrix to deliver chemical messenger molecules, a mechanism called quorum sensing, This chemical communication leads to gene regulation, in which genes are activated and inactivated as needed to preserve the biofilm or help it grow.[3, 5]
Just like the mildew in your shower, biofilms grow. They form a stronger hold on their surface, making them more difficult to wipe out. This is an excellent characteristic for health-promoting biofilms, but it’s alarming when harmful microbes plant their flag in your body to start settling down.
Healthy Biofilms in the Gut
Your gut is uniquely suited to biofilm formation since the lining of the intestine is covered with a mucous gel-layer that protects your gut microbes. Gut microbes can infiltrate this layer to set up stable colonies. Notably, microbes are rarely able to fully breach the protective mucous layers throughout your body to reach the underlying epithelial cells. In the gut, your immune system appears to encourage biofilm formation by secreting immunoglobulin A (IgA), an immune protein that makes bacteria stick together, or agglutinate. This phenomenon encourages stable microbial composition and inhibits the growth of harmful organisms.[3, 6,7]
Some researchers think that intestinal biofilms are another line of intestinal defense. They simultaneously assist the development of biofilms, but also prevent microorganisms and undesirable substances and molecules from crossing into the body from the colon. You can think of them as a sort of sealant that protects a potentially porous tissue from being infiltrated, like a wood varnish that seals out water to prevent mildew.[8]
Biofilms Harmful to Your Health
Unfortunately, biofilms and the mucous layers they assimilate with also protect harmful microbes from being eliminated. In fact, a harmful gut ecosystem might be more challenging to balance because the mucous layer that coats the intestines tends to thicken to defend your surface cells from inflammation-provoking substances, foods, drugs, and microbes. This gives the unhealthy microbes a larger mucous layer in which to proliferate. The microbes huddle down, guarded by their biofilm matrix, to weather whatever immune defenses your body tries.[2]
The Effects of Harmful Biofilms
Harmful biofilms protect harmful organisms from physical removal, immune activity, antimicrobials, and antibiotics. Not only do they allow unchecked harmful organism overgrowth, but they also impede the development of health-promoting biofilms. In the presence of harmful biofilms, there is potential for increased virulence due to gene transfer between cells in the biofilm.
Biofilms have proven frustratingly resistant to efforts to thwart or address organism overgrowth. They are especially worrying for people with cystic fibrosis and chronic sinus infections due to the great quantities of mucus generated that can quickly become a safe harbor for harmful microbes.[2]
An Example of Harmful Biofilm: Dental Plaque
One easily observed biofilm is found right in your mouth. Dental plaque is a biofilm that tends to harbor acid-producing microbial species. If you don’t remove it regularly by brushing, flossing consistently, and seeing the dentist, the acid these microbes produce can damage your teeth. Poor dental hygiene leads to bad breath, tooth decay, dental cavities, and gum disease. It may also contribute to the incidence and severity of respiratory conditions in people with weak immune systems when biofilm is transferred from the mouth to the lungs.[9, 10]
Although you can’t sterilize your teeth, you can physically remove oral biofilms, yeast, and bacteria by brushing and flossing after every meal. Eliminate sticky candies, refined sugar, and refined carbs from your diet to discourage the harmful bacteria like Streptococcus mutans from dominating your mouth microbiota. These kinds of food cling to your teeth and feed harmful oral bacteria. Stay hydrated to prevent dry mouth, a condition that also contributes to stable harmful colonies.[9]
Going even further, you can try to nourish helpful oral bacteria growth like Streptococcus salivarius by eating fermented foods, probiotics, and cutting down on the alcohol-based mouthwashes which indiscriminately wipe out both healthy and harmful oral microbes.
How to Encourage Healthy Biofilms
Biofilms can occur almost anywhere that microorganisms live on your body. Therefore, it’s essential to promote healthy biofilms in the gut and reduce your chances of developing harmful biofilms in other areas of the body with good (but not excessive) hygiene, a strong immune system, and a healthy diet. Managing biofilms in your body often requires actions specific to the tissue or area, like brushing your teeth. Consult your healthcare practitioner if you suspect harmful biofilms may be affecting your health.
Research is still emerging for solutions to biofilms in difficult to reach tissues, so there aren’t any hard and fast recommendations to address them. That said, aromatic phytochemicals like thymol, eugenol, carvacrol, and cymene have distinct biofilm-inhibiting properties, and they’re easy to incorporate into your diet.
Consume herbs and spices like thyme, oregano, and cloves to get these beneficial phytochemicals, along with many conutrients like terpenes, into your diet. You can consume the oils of these spices by adding a tiny drop to a pot of fragrant tea or a large jar of homemade salad dressing. Look to your food first to preserve your health. Relying on a diverse health-promoting diet provides you with a complementary array of active phytonutrients that offer a multi-pronged approach to keep you in excellent health.[11, 12,13, 14]
Dorothee, 29, is learning to navigate her own body wisdom, and step into her present and future in a healthy way. This means she will need to make peace with the past, and let go of the opinion of others. As she shares her story with Marc David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, we learn she has challenges with inflammation, digestion, allergies and anxiety. Marc invites her to move forward by trusting herself, and being unattached to others, especially her family, about whether or not they buy into her holistic health practices. Dorothee comes away with new insights on how to navigate her nervousness, and trust her own path and align with others who share her values when it comes to searching for answers about health.
Below is a transcript of this podcast episode:
Marc: Welcome, everybody. I’m Marc David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. And we are back in the Psychology of Eating podcast. And I’m with Doro today. Welcome, Doro.
Dorothee: Hi, Marc. I’m happy to be here.
Marc: Me too. And let me just say a couple of quick words to viewers and listeners before you and I get going. So if you’re a returnee to this podcast, thank you so much for coming back. I really appreciate it, and I’m glad you’re on this journey with us. If you’re new to the podcast, here’s how it works. Doro and I are just meeting for the first time, officially, and we’re going to spend 45 minutes to an hour together and see if we can push the fast-forward button on a little bit of change and transformation.
So if you could wave your magic wand, Doro, and if you can get whatever you wanted from this session together, what would that look like for you?
Dorothee: Okay. Yeah, I was suffering from an inflammatory condition for all of my life, and I have figured out my own way of dealing with it and my own diet and lifestyle. Yeah, but it’s sometimes not so easy to maintain it, and I find myself sabotaging myself a little bit.
And I’m binging on stuff that I don’t tolerate so well, like too many carbs or chocolate or nuts. Or I will just go to bed too late, and I’m sabotaging myself a little bit. And, yeah, what is also very difficult is to stand for it in front of other people, to say, like, “No, no. I cannot eat this and this food. I’m sorry.” Or to really claim that I know what I’m doing and that I have a reason to be on this diet, this specialized diet.
Even though I don’t have a diagnosis like celiac disease where it’s officially recommended that you, for example, have to stay gluten free, it’s hard to make people understand it. I think this leads to another problem that I’m a really insecure person, and I also tend to be an extremely stressed person and a really nervous person. At the moment, I’m a bit insecure how to go on with my professional life. I’ve just finished my master’s thesis in biology, and now I would like to work in health business. But I think I’m very insecure about—to put myself out there and to really see my own strengths.
And I feel like my insecurity, my anxiety about it is really standing between me in general and leading a happy life and getting professional success. Yeah. If you could give me some advice here, I would be happy.
Marc: Yes. Okay. Understood. That’s a nice, big wish. I love it. You’re going for it. How long would you say that you’ve been a nervous person? Do you remember being like that as a child?
Dorothee: Yeah, definitely. I’ve been like this always for all of my life.
Marc: Do you think that’s just who you are? Do you think that that’s kind of part of how you were raised or brought up? Like, what do you say to yourself about that? Where do you think it comes from?
Dorothee: I would say that it’s—part of it is like I was brought up. I think it’s rooted in my childhood. As far as I know, my mom was in a depression when she was pregnant with me. I have four siblings, and I would say with me it’s the worst. So my little sister is really, at least on the outside she seems to be tougher than I am.
Marc: So there’s four children?
Dorothee: Yes, I’m in the middle.
Marc: So you’re number two or three?
Dorothee: Three.
Marc: You’re number three.
Dorothee: Three.
Marc: Okay. And what’s it like for the oldest? How would you describe the oldest?
Dorothee: He was always like the rock in the waves. He was always very strong for us all. He’s extremely cool. He’s really very solid.
Marc: So your mom was probably depressed when she was pregnant with you, and tell me about your relationship with your dad.
Dorothee: Yeah, it’s difficult. Yeah.
Marc: Yeah. How so?
Dorothee: Yeah, my mom I would say she’s the emotional part of my family, and my father is the rational part, extremely rational. He’s a civil servant, public official, and he’s really like the role model for that. And he’s very correct, and discipline is extremely important to him. And he has his own childhood trauma, and I don’t really have a relationship to him. He was more like providing for us and organizing everything. And he could be really—he was even beating us and having sessions with us where he was I would say applying psychological violence to us. My relationship now is like that he was providing me with money while I was studying. And actually, December is the first month that I am now standing on my own feet, so this is also a big leap for me. Yeah.
Marc: Congratulations. Good for you.
Dorothee: I hope so.
Marc: So are you close with your mom these days?
Dorothee: Yes, I’m very close to her. Yeah. Both of us, we are extremely similar and I even look very alike, like her. I would say she’s like my best friend. She’s really like an angel.
Marc: Aw, that’s so sweet. So are you in a relationship now?
Dorothee: Yes, I’m married for two years now, and I’ve been with my husband for 10 years.
Marc: So what does he think about your nervousness and the anxiety? How does he deal with it?
Dorothee: He’s also very cool. Okay, sometimes he can also be like choleric. He will shout, but he just lets it out and then it’s fine. And then it’s okay. He says, “Don’t overreact. And what should happen? And everything will be fine.” And he always—he’s patient, but sometimes I think it’s hard for him to just understand.
Marc: Sure. That makes sense. How old are you, Doro?
Dorothee: I’m 29.
Marc: 29. Okay. When did you first get diagnosed or when did you realize you had an inflammatory condition and started changing your diet for that?
Dorothee: I have been sick for all of my life. I was born with eczema, and later in a normal way I developed asthma and irritable bowel syndrome. Yeah, later depressions and severe brain fog and everything. Like when I was I think 23, I was even diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome. After my graduation, I even had one year of burnout. I had everything like hay fever and food intolerances. At some point, I was just trying out different diets. I was vegan for almost two years. But it made it worse, and I was trying out everything. Finally, I was trying out a GAPS diet. But it nearly killed me.
Then I realized that I was severely histamine intolerant, and at that point, I just started to set it up like my own little study and doing it with a system and really just not following any diet anymore and just doing what was working for myself. And now, I have really found out my safe foods and some supplements that are helping me. If I keep to that, my gut is happy and I don’t have brain fog anymore. Oh yeah, I had terrible problems with fatigue also and insomnia. And I had severe eczema all over my body and acne. And my bowel was terrible, and yeah.
Marc: So when did the eczema and the acne clear up?
Dorothee: It was like two years ago that I was on the GAPS diet, and then in the beginning of 2015 I found out about the histamine. And then it started clearing up in the spring of 2015. But if I slip on my diet, it can come back. Yeah, I had lots of stress during my master’s thesis. Now I have a little bit of inflammation in the corners of my mouth, but it’s nothing compared to former times. But I want to have it perfect.
Marc: I understand. When did the asthma stop for you?
Dorothee: This was earlier I think. I think it somehow changed into hay fever. If I would eat too much histamine now or if I’m too stressed, then the sneezing would start again. But if I’m maintaining my healthy lifestyle, I don’t even have hay fever anymore. But yeah, in the beginning of last year, I still had some problems with it.
Marc: You’ve been on a very big journey with your health from really it sounds from birth.
Dorothee: Yeah, I was born sick. Yeah. Your story reminded me of my own story, I must say.
Marc: Yeah, well. If you knew the details of my story, we would almost be telling a very similar story. So, yes, I was born with asthma, eczema, allergies, a collapsed immune system, and poor digestion. And that was with me till—and I was a stutterer. I couldn’t talk. And most of that resolved when I was 15 or 16, but I had been changing my diet from a young age and experimenting. So I know what it’s like. The asthma and the allergies still lingered a little bit. But the good news is the body gets healthier as you’ve seen.
Dorothee: Yeah.
Marc: The body can get healthier. That’s the good news. So you see yourself in the future as being a health coach in Germany.
Dorothee: Yeah, I would really love that. Yeah. So many people, I am in forums and there’s many people who have the same problems that I have been struggling for. And there are so many false claims and diets which say that they are good for everyone. And I just want to help people find their way.
Marc: So what do you think—when I asked you at the beginning if you could wave your magic wand, what would you get from this session, and you mentioned to stop self-sabotaging with food. And you mentioned about just the anxiety and the nervousness: “I wish that wasn’t stopping me.” What do you think, when you notice what stops you from being who you want to be in the world, could you maybe be more specific? What do you think holds you back? Is it a certain thought that comes up? Is it a belief? Or it just might be just anxiety that just comes up? So I’m just wondering if there’s more to say about that for you.
Dorothee: Yeah, I feel like I still have to prove myself in a way that I’m not really doing this just for myself, just to be happy, but also to prove it to some of my relatives, like my father, for example. They totally believe into the medical system, and I somehow want to prove to them that there are other ways. But they don’t believe me, and so then I start thinking, “Oh, it doesn’t matter. It’s all in vain.” I only do it for myself.
When I was getting better, I was going to my father and telling him, “Look, I have found an alternative. I have found a way to heal myself.” And he was just saying, “This is not possible. You’ve been with so many doctors, and they all said it’s not possible. And your last doctor, Dr. This-and-This said you just have to live with it.” It really hurt, and it’s really… Yeah.
Marc: I could totally see why that would hurt and how much that would hurt because here you are finally seeing results from all your hard work and all your good efforts. And it’s clearly working. And here’s your own father saying, “No, impossible. It’s not working.” So he’s not just saying what you’re doing isn’t right. He’s saying all your efforts and your life and your discoveries are not right and your future is not right. That’s kind of what you’re hearing when he says that.
Dorothee: Yeah, it feels like part of me would be stopping to exist. It’s like it would be denying me, like denying me as a person just not seeing me. This is my biggest achievement I think. But it was like when I made this achievement it was feeling like I had found my biggest treasure, like the philosopher’s stone, and I was thinking like, “I should throw a party.” But, yeah, people were reacting very strangely. They were not understanding or some were jealous or so.
Marc: Okay. So let’s start handling this. Let’s start taking care of this. This is a good place for us to dive in here a little bit. I want to say a few things to you. First thing I want to say is let’s have a little, small, mini party right now and celebrate your success. Okay? Because you were born with some very debilitating conditions. No human wants to come into this life not able to breathe, covered with eczema, not able to digest, not having energy, being allergic, and growing up with all kinds of health challenges like that that no doctor can fix.
And the doctors say you have to live with, and here you are, you’re not even a doctor or a professional in that way. And through your efforts and your exploration, you figured it out for yourself. You came to some amazing conclusions that, quite frankly, they don’t teach in medical school. The mainstream does not accept because that’s the setup of the world. That is how the world works. There is always the mainstream, and then there’s the growing tip of evolution.
Evolution always has a growing tip. There is always the leading edge of a field. Pick any field. In the field of physics, you have everybody who teaches the same things, and then you will have a few leaders of the physics generation who are just so far advanced that they help evolve the field. But usually the ones who are at the front, leading the charge, discovering new things, they’re loved and they’re hated. They’re absolutely loved, and they’re absolutely hated because they’re breaking the status quo because they’re advancing beyond the normal knowledge. And some people respect that and some people get intimidated by that.
Some people go, “No, that’s impossible. No, that’s impossible, because this is what we’re taught in medical school. And we’re the doctors and we’re the professionals and we’re the experts.” And the truth is, oftentimes, innovation comes from outside of a field, not within the field. So when it comes to health and when it comes to nutrition, I’ve been observing these fields for years, and all the innovation comes from the outside. It comes from the crazy people. It comes from the renegade doctors, the renegade nutritionists, the renegade experts. It comes from people who are out on a limb, experimenting, exploring, practicing, actually being real scientists.
Real scientists experiment. You try new things; you go, “Huh.” A real scientist gathers data. Okay, let me gather data. Here’s all my symptoms. Here’s all the treatments that I’ve had and nothing works. Huh. Logic says these things don’t work. Let me try something else. That’s smart science. That’s a good researcher. This doesn’t work; let’s try something else.
What the mainstream often says is, “Oh, your problem doesn’t fit into our paradigm. We don’t know how to fix you; therefore, you can’t be fixed. If our system doesn’t have answers, then there are no answers.” Now, that is foolish nonsense. It is intellectual immaturity.
Dorothee: Yeah.
Marc: It is a form of intellectual laziness. Just because I don’t know the answer doesn’t mean it’s not out there. So what you’re coming against, I just want to say to you, Dorothee, is not personal against you. It feels personal. “Wait a second, Dad. This is the opus of my life. I’ve found the philosopher’s stone, and you’re not even seeing it. You’re not getting it. You’re not recognizing it.” What I’m saying to you is the voice that he’s speaking I’ve heard 1000 times in my life. I’m professionally accomplished. I still hear people say, “No, that can’t possibly work.” And I’m saying, “Don’t tell me it can’t possibly work. It works!”
And there’s plenty of people it works for. It might not work for you. That’s fine. Not everything works for everyone. So that goes on in every university. In every university, there are professors and scientists who are disliked because they’re more advanced. They have more knowledge. They’re more at the leading edge. So all I’m saying to you is that is the world, and it’s not personal.
In your country, the field of holistic health and nutrition, in certain ways Germany is more advanced than United States in certain things. And in other ways, it’s more behind. In a more popular way, health coaching is much more accepted in my country than it is yours. But that doesn’t mean it’s not useful and necessary and extremely needed. But if you’re going to be at the leading edge, then you have to start getting comfortable understanding that you will be unpopular.
Dorothee: Yeah.
Marc: With certain people. And you know something? With certain people, you will be their hero; you will be their god. They will love you because you’re helping. You’re helping them or you’re helping them by saying, “You know something? Medical science maybe hasn’t been able to give you an answer. Let’s explore possibilities. No guarantees. But let’s explore possibilities. Here’s what works for me. Here’s what worked for other people who have similar challenges to you. Let’s try this. Let’s try that.” That’s a true doctor. That’s a true scientist. That’s a true explorer. “Let’s try this and see what happens.” That’s what a real healer does.
You try the smart strategy based on the information and the data that you have. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you try the next thing. That’s just intelligence. That’s just smart. But you’re bumping against resistance that, even though it’s coming from your family and maybe from some of the people around you, it’s a voice that’s universal. So I’m trying to tell you that everyone that I know who is in the holistic health field has a similar story.
I know some of the most famous holistic health doctors in the world, and they get attacked. They get horrible things said about them, and that’s part of the job in a way. Now, I’m not saying that that should be part of the job. I’m not saying I like that, but eventually what happens is you develop a strength to not hear that and not listen to it and not pay attention to it. Because instead, what we do is we focus on the good. You have to learn how to focus on, “Wait a second, I wish all the people around me would see that what I’m doing is good.”
So I understand why you want that. I understand you want positive feedback from your own father, and you’re probably never going to get it, I would assume. If one day he comes to you and says, “Doro, I’m sorry. I apologize. You’ve been so amazing. You’ve been so brave. You’ve been so smart. Congratulations. What you’ve done is incredible.” If he says that someday, I’m going to think about that as a nice big birthday surprise. But I want you to assume and live life as if that’s not going to happen because then you’re free to be who you are without waiting for anyone else to give you permission.
This is you becoming your own woman. And you’re afraid to do that, understandably so, because you want people to love you and you want people to recognize you. And the people that are closest to you aren’t always loving you and recognizing this aspect of you.
Dorothee: I think that people should listen to me, and I would like that my family would really see my accomplishments because we have so many really severe health problems in my own family. The most important part of my journey started because my mother got breast cancer, and this was my main motivation to start it. With everything like depression, different health problems, and lots of cancer in the family, I think I would just like to help everyone.
Marc: Yes. So what I’m asking you to do, believe it or not, is to let that go.
Dorothee: You have talked about this in one of the last tele-classes and it’s to not try to help the people who are closest to us. And I think I really should work on letting that go. It’s hard, but I think there’s no other way.
Marc: Yes, love them in a different way. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them. See, you want to love them in this way because you know how important it is, and you know how profound it could be. And you know how amazing it could be. So you’re very smart in that way, and you’re very caring in that way. But they literally don’t understand.
It’s like all of a sudden if you started talking a foreign language to them. They don’t understand. You must learn. You must learn—and I mean this—to not take it so personally. You must learn that. And I know it feels personal because it’s your loved ones and it’s your family. And you’re offering them this tremendous gift, and they’re saying, “No.” And not only that, they’re not recognizing it and they’re saying, “No. This is not even a gift. This is silly. It’s nonsense. I don’t want to hear it.”
So you have to understand that it’s not them speaking. It’s this bigger voice that exists in the world, that resists change, that resists information that’s different than what we’ve been taught.
Dorothee: Yeah.
Marc: It takes humanity a long time to embrace new discoveries, new truths about life, about health, about medicine, about the world. It takes time. So, I don’t want you to waste another minute holding yourself back. Love them in other ways. It’s not like you’re not loving them. Love them in other ways. You’ll figure that out. You might just have to just love them and watch them go through physical hardships and watch them go through disease.
My two parents died before the age of 60 of cancer. I’ve had aunts and uncles die in their early 60s of cancer. I’ve had aunts and uncles die of heart attacks in their 40s. They weren’t eating good food, and I couldn’t save them. But I still loved them. And everybody has a different journey. So you have to let them have their journey. And you have to know and remember that the work you’re doing is good. And you have to learn how to feel that for yourself. You have to learn how to feel that value inside you.
I want to tell you that when I first started understanding that there was a different way to see nutrition, this was in the 1970s when there weren’t many nutrition books you could buy in a bookstore even. It was mostly textbooks. And the information about nutrition was very old and antiquated. And I started learning things and studying with healers and nutritionists and gathering so much information. And I got no support from teachers, professors. Everybody thought I was crazy talking about what I was talking about. And now, the things I was talking about in the 1970s, it’s commonplace.
But I had to know inside myself—my point is I had to just say to me, “I believe in the truth of what I’m doing. I know the truth of what I’m doing because it worked for me personally.” And now I’m helping other people, and it’s working for them. So that’s all I need to help move me forward. And it’s all about empowering ourselves. It’s you believing what you know to be true, despite anybody else’s opinion. So that’s a lesson in life. That’s a personal lesson. You can call that a soul lesson. You can call that just a deeper lesson that you’re here to learn is to believe in yourself.
Dorothee: Yes, that’s true.
Marc: Very simple. It’s very simple to believe in yourself. And the way you believe in yourself is to gather evidence and data. And your story is perfect evidence and perfect data that what you do works and that what you do helps. It certainly helps you. The strategies that you do and that you’ve mentioned can help others. They are useful tools. They are powerful tools. And you learn how to mix and match. “Wait. Let me try this with this person, that with that person. Okay. That worked. Now what else? Oh, this worked for them, but that didn’t work for them.” That’s a true scientist. That’s an artist because scientists are both scientists, but they’re artists at the same time. They’re creative.
So that’s what you’ve done. You’ve used your creative mind, and so over here I’m telling you I’m considered somebody who’s big in my field. I’m saying congratulations. You’ve discovered some amazing things on your own, and you’ve helped yourself. That’s huge. It’s tremendous. It’s an awesome accomplishment, absolutely awesome accomplishment.
Dorothee: Thank you.
Marc: And I know how hard it is because I’ve been down that road personally. And it was driven for you by your own need. So because of your own personal need, you discovered a way to fix yourself even when the doctors couldn’t. Think of how amazing that is. Think of how amazing that is. You discovered ways to help yourself heal even when the doctors could not. That’s phenomenal. That’s a huge statement. And you can imagine why that would be intimidating for some people.
Dorothee: Yeah, that’s right.
Marc: Because they go to all these years of professional school, and they can’t do anything. No, you just have to live with this. And you go, “Guess what. I found alternatives. Look, I’m better. This cleared up. That cleared up. I’ve found a way to do things.” And people don’t want to hear. So you have to understand that that’s the way of the world. And it’s important for you to feel success in you, for you to be able to celebrate that for you.
And that’s why I was just trying to acknowledge you and let you know you’ve done a tremendous job, you really have. You’ve done a tremendous job.
Dorothee: Thank you.
Marc: And you’ll keep getting better and better and better as you explore more and learn more. Part of the self-sabotaging, part of it comes… Here’s what I want to say. What you’re doing, when you’re eating something that you really don’t want to eat, I wouldn’t necessarily call it self-sabotage for you. I would probably use a different term, and I don’t quite know what the term is.
But let me try to explain what I’m saying. You’re under a lot of stress and a lot of strain. And you’re in school, and you just finished your thesis. And you have health challenges, and your family is not always supportive. And they don’t see your accomplishment, and that’s stressful. And there are certain times that we will use food to de-stress us.
Dorothee: Yeah.
Marc: Just to help de-stress because sometimes it’s hard for us to feel good and to feel better. But if you eat a little bit of the foods that you know you shouldn’t, there’s a temporary relief. It just happens like that sometimes. There’s a temporary relief. So there’s times when it gets so challenging for you that you need some temporary relief. And a lot of times when you’re reaching for foods that you know are not good for you, I really wouldn’t call it self-sabotage. Self-sabotage implies you’re attacking yourself and that’s really not what’s happening for you.
Now, some people do self-sabotage. Many people do. It’s really less that for you. And it’s really more that you’re not naturally nervous, but you came into this world that way. I’m going to cycle back to that in a moment. Part of your nervousness is what you’ve learned. Part of your nervousness is how your nervous system was trained when you were in your mama’s womb and how it was trained when you came out.
So, oftentimes, what happens is there are certain experiences, traumas, or even chemicals that get into the system of the body that literally create a trauma. And that trauma impacts the nervous system, and the nervous system becomes weak. The immune system becomes weak. So part of what you’ve been doing in your life is learning how to strengthen your nervous system and your immune system and your digestive system which all got a very difficult start.
So you should’ve been coming out of the womb with a stronger baseline, but you came out with a weaker baseline. So you’ve had to do a lot of work to get to a place that a lot of other people already have when they… Do you follow me?
Dorothee: Yeah. It always felt like I had to struggle hard and, yeah, have to double effort than everybody else.
Marc: It’s true. So that’s true. So what I want to suggest that you start to do is I think there’s a place—I think—and tell me if this is true for you. There’s a place where you haven’t fully sort of accepted that this has been your journey because you have had to work harder. You’ve had health conditions that are not fun at all, and nobody likes that. You don’t like that. Give me a different life. This is not easy.
So what I’m saying to you is there’s a place where you can get to where you bless that journey. Where you say, “This hasn’t been easy. I wish it was different to begin with, but it wasn’t. And the good part of my journey is that it’s taught me how to strengthen myself. It’s taught me to explore a whole new way to help myself heal and to help others heal. It showed me new territory that most other people don’t even know about in the helping and the healing and the medical and the nutrition professions. So I was given a rough start, but that rough start has helped me strengthen myself and help me develop a knowledge that is valuable.”
Dorothee: Yeah. Definitely. During my life, I had to refrain from so many things because of my illness. For example, I really so, so wanted to be a veterinarian, but I couldn’t because I was allergic to all the animals. But now, when I’m looking back, I think I wouldn’t have made a good veterinarian. It would have been dealing with too many people. Most of all, I have gained so much knowledge I wouldn’t trade this for anything in the world. I have grown personally and spiritually so much. And there were days when I was really in much pain and I was like, “This is all shit. I want to give it up.” And then, the next day I was reading something and thought, “Wow, this is so amazing, and this is so cool.”
Yeah, I am grateful for it, but also it’s very isolating. Somehow in some way I was doing all of this to better fit in, to become a normal person, to have normal energy, and to have healthy skin and to feel beautiful and be able to engage in sports activities and to work. And I was feeling like an alien, and now I am somehow feeling like an alien even more. I’ve looked behind a secret door, and now nobody understands me anymore. I have met new people who do understand me. I think I will have to leave some people behind because they are holding me down.
Marc: That’s true. I think that’s very true. And there’s a world of people out there that understand exactly what you’ve been through and that believe in the same things you believe in. There’s tons of them. That’s who I associate with because that’s my profession as well, and I’ve learned to seek out those people. They’re my allies. They’re my colleagues. They are my friends. And that gives me the energy I need to feel good about myself and what I do. We need the support of our community. And you’re feeling isolated because your family doesn’t get it, and a lot of the professionals around you don’t get it.
So part of your journey is to find those who understand you and support you, who are true colleagues in that way. That’s very important. And as that happens, some of the nervousness that you experience will begin to subside. What I want you to consider is that part of your journey in life is learning how to better strengthen your nervous system. You’ve been given a difficult start, so, yes, you are a nervous type. And it’s not your fault. It’s not anything you’re doing wrong. It’s just the way you’ve been launched into the world.
What I want to say—I’m going to go out on a limb here—is that the symptoms you describe that you were born with technically showed up, my guess is, chances are, after you were born and are often related to vaccine injury. It is a very common experience of vaccine injury to have digestive issues, asthma, skin conditions, because gut issue and skin conditions are closely connected. There is research out there right now showing connections between antibiotics, skin issues, and gut issues.
Dorothee: And the brain I think.
Marc: Yes, and the brain as well. And there’s plenty of research out there showing the same for vaccinations. It’s just that that information is not as easily accessed because it’s very unpopular. So what I want to say is that oftentimes because of our birthing methods, because of the drugs we give people, whether it’s the drugs your mom received when you were in the womb, whether it was the drugs you were given or the vaccinations given when you were first born into the world, these things can collapse the system. They can stress out the nervous system and create a post-traumatic stress that can take decades to unwind.
Your journey is going to be about learning how to strengthen your body, plain and simple. And that’s okay. It’s okay because you can consider everything you learn about you as a tool to help others. I was obsessed with my own health forever. Forever. Particularly for my first 30 years because I had to be. I had to figure out how to heal myself, and then when I figured that out, I started teaching about it. I started sharing about it. I started writing about it. And I wouldn’t let anybody stop me. Yes, I got attacked. I got a lot of awful opinions coming my way. I didn’t let it stop me.
The work that I do with the Institute for the Psychology of Eating it reaches millions of people now. And there were people at the beginning, 20 years ago, who told me this is all nonsense. I’m like, “Really?” So we have to learn how to follow the voice within. There’s a voice within you that knows. There is a voice within you personally that knows and that guides you. And you actually follow that voice very well. But you kind of forget that you do sometimes. You forget how strong that voice is. You forget how smart that voice is. You forget how far that voice has gotten you.
Dorothee: That’s true.
Marc: Even though it’s guided you and you follow. You actually follow that voice. You actually follow it, and you listen to it. And it’s guided you, and it’s helped you get to where you are today. And then there’s these moments where you completely forget it, and you go, “Oh, I’m not valuable. This isn’t good. What’s the use?” And you collapse. So I want you to start to catch yourself when you collapse like that. This is your job. It’s kind of like learning to stay awake in a certain place where you fall asleep.
And when you collapse like that, maybe you reach out to a friend who understands you, loves you, gets you, and appreciates you and respects what you do. I want you to have those people in your life that you can call up and go, “Hey, I’m having a bad day today. I feel like the work I do is worthless. I’m not liking myself. My father this… My mother…” Whatever. Somebody that you can talk to who can help remind you.
Dorothee: Okay. I try to figure it out all on my own.
Marc: Too hard. That’s too hard. I want you to start to create a support system for yourself. You’ve been wanting your family to be that for you, and they’re not in the way that you want them to. They have supported you in other ways. Your family has supported you financially. Your family has given birth to you and helped, raised you as best they could. They’ve done their job. Their job, at this point, they can’t do much else. They’re not designed for that. And I know you want their respect, but I need you to learn how to give yourself that respect.
One of the reasons your nervous system is still trying to find balance is because you’re still trying to find home. And home means home is you. Home is you loving you. Home is you accepting you. Home is you honoring you. Home is you being able to say, “You know something. Even though my family doesn’t get what I do, even though a lot of other people don’t understand what I do, I get it. I see it. I know the results, and I believe in myself.”
Dorothee: Yeah, thank you. Thank you, Marc.
Marc: Yeah. I’m so abundantly clear that you’re a hero in your own life, and you haven’t figured that out yet. You’ve been on a hero’s journey, and you’ve really taught yourself so many amazing things that you’ve discovered because you’ve asked good questions. And you’ve researched, and you’ve experimented. And you’ve tried, and that is noble. And it’s honorable, and you’ve been successful at that. The world doesn’t recognize that so easily. If you graduated medical school right now and knew nothing about how to treat someone with your condition, everyone would love you. Your family would probably think, “Oh, she’s a doctor. She’s great.”
So unfortunately, the world doesn’t always reward us for the gifts that we have and the value that we bring. That’s why we have to learn how to feel that value inside of ourselves. That’s your task. To feel that inside yourself and to start to surround yourself more with people, colleagues, friends who understand and who get it and who support you.
Dorothee: Okay. Yeah. Thank you. I think this is an important advice. Finding my own family, finding a new family.
Marc: Yes.
Dorothee: Create my own.
Marc: And you still love your family, but now you’re going to love them in a different way. And you’re not going to require of them that they love you in this specific way that you need to feel loved, simply because they’re not capable. And you have to take the high road here, believe it or not. The more conscious person, the more aware person needs to stay more conscious and more aware.
So if you’re more aware and conscious and understanding than your father, let’s say, you know this information is good. You know that your knowledge is valuable. If he can’t see that, it’s your job not to be pulled down by that. It’s your job to say, “Okay, he just doesn’t get it.” He doesn’t have enough bandwidth. He doesn’t have enough flexibility to understand.
Dorothee: Yeah, it’s like he’s missing the right programs in his head. It’s like a different language to him.
Marc: It is. It really is. And he’s not the only guy that acts like that. That’s a majority of the world.
Dorothee: Yes.
Marc: So it’s not so personal really. And I just want to congratulate you on what has been, to my mind, an unbelievably successful journey that you’ve been on. And I think you’re tremendously accomplished. And the world needs you, and Germany needs you. And there are so many people that need someone who cares, who listens, who understands, and who’s willing to say, “No, you don’t have to live with this.”
Dorothee: Yes. Yeah, but still with the nervousness, I’m thinking about if I should make some kind of therapy. I’m even nervous to calling people on the phone, or I would like to give like courses or maybe some lectures or cooking class or whatever. And I’m thinking about making some kind of therapy. Really, it’s the worst phobia of mine to talk in front of other people. I always like to be just invisible, and I was thinking about—I met an NLP coach. He’s doing NLP and hypnosis. Yeah, I have a good feeling with this coach, and I was thinking about doing something in that direction.
Marc: I think that’s a great idea. For you, I would rather see you do something like NLP or something like coaching rather than traditional therapy for your nervousness. Because it’s not about you getting rid of your nervousness. It’s not about trying to find out why am I nervous, where did the nervousness come from, how do I get rid of it. It’s less about that, and it’s more about learning tools and strategies that help empower you, that help you take a step forward. So the nervousness, you’re still addressing it, but in a slightly different way. NLP is very good for that or it can be, so I highly recommend that for you for sure. I really like that idea for you. Yeah.
Dorothee: Okay. That’s good.
Marc: Doro, I am so happy that we had the chance to be in this conversation together. And I really appreciate you being—you’ve been very raw and you’ve been very real. You’ve been very honest, and I think you speak for a lot of people. I think you speak for a lot of women who are often told, “No, what you’re doing is not okay. Your voice is not okay. Your knowledge is not okay.” And we have to trust our inner knowing and trust what we have discovered to be a truth. And that’s just part of your path. That’s part of your growth, and that will strengthen you more and more as you start to realize I’ve got something to offer people. Because I know you do. I’ve got no doubt. No doubt whatsoever.
Dorothee: Thank you so much, Marc.
Marc: Yeah. I really appreciate you, and we get to follow up in another four or five months together. Someone from my team will reach out, and I really thank you.
Dorothee: I have to say thank you. Really, thank you so much for your words and for your encouragement and for your time and for all the work that you do. I really love the training, and it’s so cool.
Marc: Yeah.
Dorothee: Thank you for letting me be part of this.
Marc: You’re so welcome. Yeah. I really appreciate that. And thanks, everybody, for tuning in. I so appreciate you. Lots more to come, my friends. You take care.
New Insights to Forever Transform Your Relationship with Food
P.S. If you haven’t had a chance to check out our FREE information-packed video series, The Dynamic Eating Psychology Breakthrough, you can sign up for it HERE. It’s a great way to get a better sense of the work we do here at the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. If you’re inspired by this work and want to learn about how you can become certified as an Eating Psychology Coach, please go HERE to learn more. And if you’re interested in working on your own personal relationship with food, check out our breakthrough 8-week program designed for the public, Transform Your Relationship with Food, HERE.
Batul, age 23, comes to Marc David, Founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, with very clear intention she wants to lose 20 more lbs to get to her goal weight… a weight she has never weighed before. This goal is tied to her desire to step into self-expression, and own who she is. As we get deeper into the conversation, Marc explains the typical mother-daughter psychological connection, and we see how it pertains to Batul and her mother. There are so many ways she has wanted to be different than her mom, not because she doesn’t love her, but because she is following her own intuition and path of personal growth. As she grows into her own woman, Marc invites her to get comfortable being uncomfortable. Batul realizes she will never be able to fully express her own truth and her body will never settle into it’s natural weight if she keeps trying to please everybody else first.
Below is a transcript of this podcast episode:
Marc: Welcome, everybody. I’m Marc David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. And we are back in the Psychology of Eating podcast. I am with Batul today. Welcome, Batul.
Marc: Let me say a couple of words quickly to listeners and viewers, and then you and I’ll jump in together. So if you are a returning visitor to this podcast, thank you, thank you, thank you for showing up and being part of our world. And if you’re new to the podcast, here’s how it goes down. Batul and I are officially meeting for the first time now. And we’re going to spend about 45 minutes to an hour together and see if we can push the fast-forward button a little bit on good change and good transformation.
So, Ms. Batul, if you can wave your magic wand and if you could get whatever you wanted to get from this session, tell me what that would be for you.
Batul: I would like to express myself more, and that sounds really vague. But I just would love to have a stronger presence and a more powerful voice. I have hypothyroidism, and I don’t think that’s a coincidence. So that’s one of the things, but I would also like to lose about 10 kg, about 20 pounds.
Marc: Got it. Got it. Got it. And how long have you been wanting to lose about 10 kg?
Batul: So I’m 65 kilos right now which is about 143-ish pounds. But I’ve already lost 20 pounds in the past few months. And I’ve been wanting to lose weight since I was 12 really. Yeah.
Marc: So are you dieting? How are you losing weight?
Batul: No. I was in that dieting vicious cycle for years, but I stopped dieting around 18 and I’m 23 right now. So I eat as best as I can. I kind of can tune into to foods right now and see what food is nourishing for my body. That looks similar to a paleo diet, but I’m not too strict.
Marc: Got it. Got it. Got it. So the weight that’s been coming off recently, what do you attribute that success to?
Batul: More pleasurable movement for sure. And this was really surprising for me, but that comes in the form of strength training for me, just lifting weights. Some yoga on the side as well. Just being more present with my food, eating slightly slower. I’m still a really fast eater, but slightly slower. And less stress overall about life.
Marc: Okay. That sounds like a pretty good formula.
Batul: Yeah.
Marc: So have you plateaued or are you still losing? Like, what’s happening for you?
Batul: I have plateaued, yeah. Yeah. It’s been about a month now.
Marc: Okay. And you want to lose how much more weight?
Batul: About 10 more kilos, 20 pounds.
Marc: What weight would that put you at?
Batul: That would be about 55 kilos.
Marc: When was the last time you weighed 55 kilos?
Batul: I never did.
Marc: Okay.
Batul: I’ve seen 58 when I was about 13. I was overweight as a kid since I’ve known myself basically.
Marc: Mmhmm. So do you think that’s a reasonable goal for you? I’m just wondering. Do you think that’s natural for your body?
Batul: I think the weight strongly ties to that voice component that I’ve mentioned, and there’s no way of telling if I’ll ever reach that weight. And that’s okay I think. But I know you sometimes mention in your podcasts that that extra weight can be just energy that is stuck, so I think that’s what’s going on for me as well. I don’t know if that’s the case for the entire 10 kilos, but I think some of that is definitely stuck potential.
Marc: How tall are you?
Batul: I’m 163 cm, so that’s 5’3”.
Marc: 5’3”. Yeah. So I’m interested. I just want to know where you came up with your number and your target weight. Because you’re pretty convinced that that’s where you should be at, that that’s your rightful place. So I just want to know how you got there, like just how you arrived at that, like what your thinking was. Help me understand.
Batul: Yeah, I never thought about that actually. I’m sure there is a reason. So when I was 12 and I was overweight, my mom actually took me to a dietician, and from her magical BMI calculations, the magic number was 58. And I think being the perfectionist I am, I just wanted to round down a bit and just say 55.
Marc: Mmhmm. Got it. Got it. Got it. So, yeah. I’m going to put a little bookmark over there because it’s a number. It’s a number from when you’re 12 or 13 years old. And you’ve given a little bit of energy and power to that number. So I’m just not quite sure, but we’ll circle back to that. So how did you arrive at for yourself, your voice, your power, expressing yourself in the world connected to your weight? What helped you kind of get to that conclusion?
Batul: It took me many years, as this is a really recent realization. But I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s hypothyroidism, so that’s the autoimmune form, when I was 12, again, when I started dieting. So that’s the only reason—that’s one of the reasons actually that I think those two are connected. But since then, whenever my voice or my self-expression was compromised for one reason or the other, I would just tend to gain a lot of weight in a really short span of time. Go ahead. Sorry.
Marc: Yeah, no. It makes perfect sense. So when you say, “If my voice was suppressed,” give me an example of a way that you would feel suppressed that you recall from the past.
Batul: The major example would be when my father passed away when I was 18, and I just did not feel like myself anymore. It’s just a really strange place to be, and I was really connected with my father. So it just felt like a big chunk of me just left as he passed away, and that took away most of my voice as well. I’ve come to realize that’s probably not the case, that him physically leaving does not necessarily mean that I lose my voice. But that’s how it felt.
Marc: Yeah. So I still want to know more details from you what losing your voice means to you.
Batul: Sure. That looks like, for example, in a social setting, having a strong opinion that I am internally confident about but not expressing that externally. Almost having a physical lump in my throat that keeps me from expressing whatever it is.
Marc: Got it. Got it. Got it. And you remember that experience starting around the time your dad passed. Yes? That’s what you’re saying or before that or…?
Batul: I think it was before that actually. I think it was when I started dieting at 12, but my dad passing away definitely worsened the situation for me.
Marc: Yeah. So when you were put on a diet at 12, what were your thoughts about it?
Batul: Well, at the time, I actually was putting myself on a diet which was really restrictive. And I didn’t lose any weight on that crazy diet of basically no carbs in my diet. And my mom, watching this, she was concerned, so she said, “If you want to lose weight, then let’s do this with an expert.” And so she took me to a dietician, but that kind of had me almost hand over my food power, my eating power to someone else, to the dietician, but also to my mom at such a young age that I had to do a lot of work around that since then to reclaim that power.
Marc: Very interesting. When you imagine yourself where you want to be, let’s say here’s Batul and she’s got a voice, she speaks the truth, her opinions, she feels strong, good enough to say what she wants to say. Tell me what that new woman looks like. What does her life look like? Just give me some description.
Batul: Yeah, this image actually has been coming up a lot recently in my head. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that so many people ask this question to me just randomly of how do you imagine yourself to be if you’re more expressive. And that’s always me on a stage of sorts, public speaking, possibly around the topics of eating psychology because I’m passionate about that. I have a long history of binge eating as well. So just talking about those on a stage, sharing that message with others, and feeling grounded instead of nervous while I’m on that stage.
Marc: Got it. So it’s a sense that you could be out there in the public. You could be on stage. You could be a teacher. You could be talking about things that you’re passionate about, you’re knowledgeable about. Okay. What else?
Batul: What else.
Marc: Give me more.
Batul: Sure. I’ve noticed recently there are a lot of things that make me angry, and I think that’s just natural. I think that’s the natural human reaction, but I don’t express that anger. I just tend to bottle things up. That could be someone offending me in some sort of way or something I’m against. And I don’t express that in the moment, but I tend to think about that for the rest of the day. It triggers a terrible, terrible stress response in me. So instead of that, I imagine myself actually expressing that anger at that moment.
Marc: Yeah, makes total sense. Not holding back from what you’re truly feeling even if it’s an uncomfortable feeling or it might be uncomfortable for somebody else to kind of hear what you have to say. Got it. How was your dad with expressing anger?
Batul: Oh, he was terrible at it actually.
Marc: How about your mom?
Batul: She’s the one who has the stronger voice in the family. She is very expressive with her anger. Yeah. My dad was always that soft-spoken kind of guy.
Marc: Are you close with your mom?
Batul: Yes and no. Yeah.
Marc: Where are the places that you’re not close?
Batul: We’re not close when it comes to weight and eating and our bodies.
Marc: How so? Explain.
Batul: She has always been obese since I’ve known her, and that’s okay. But I feel like I have received an “it’s in your genes” kind of message since I was born from the females in my family, especially my mom. And I don’t believe that to be the case. I tend to believe that that was just a mechanism to hold me back from trying new foods, trying new exercises or pleasurable movements. So I always felt like she held me back when it came to my weight loss goals.
Marc: Interesting. So how does she feel like since you’ve been recently losing weight? Is she aware of that?
Batul: She’s aware of it. We don’t tend to talk about it. With the strength training, I’ve also put on a lot of muscle, and it feels great. But she doesn’t seem to celebrate the fact.
Marc: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. It’s an interesting challenge that you have there. So you’re originally from Turkey. You’re living in…
Batul: Glasgow, Scotland.
Marc: In Scotland, and you’ve lived in other places?
Batul: I have. I lived in Michigan for my undergraduate degree.
Marc: So that was about four years?
Batul: Yes. Yeah.
Marc: So question for you. I’m trying to think how to phrase this. What impact do you think—now that you’ve been to a few different places in the world, three very different places quite frankly, what do you think the challenges you face around expressing myself, saying what I really feel, is there a part of that that’s cultural, in terms of your upbringing or do you think it’s just whatever, given that you’ve lived in three different countries now? Any correlations? Anything you’re aware of around that?
Batul: That’s actually a really interesting question. Theoretically, I don’t think that would be the case because I went to an international school all my life in Turkey. So I was always exposed to the American or British culture in terms of individualism and self-expression. I don’t actually think that’s the case.
Marc: Got it. How was your mother’s upbringing and her education?
Batul: In what sense? She went to university. She’s a professor of health economics. She works at a university in Turkey.
Marc: Got it. So she’s had a chance to explore her life as a professional woman.
Batul: Mmhmm.
Marc: Got it. Got it. Got it. Okay. Okay. That helps me. So what do you think—when you think of being more self-expressive, and I get that you mention, “Sometimes I just feel like I have this lump in my throat, so the voice doesn’t come out.” What do you think stops you when you think, “Oh, I’m being stopped because…” Do you say to yourself, “Oh, it’s my thyroid that’s stopping me”? What do you say to yourself?
Batul: It’s definitely not that. No. It’s usually what would people think. That’s the main question there. Would they judge me? Would they still love me? Yeah.
Marc: Okay. When’s your birthday?
Batul: My birthday? 10th of April.
Marc: 10th of April. Okay. So you’ll be 24 or 25?
Batul: 24.
Marc: Okay. Got it. So let me say a few things. I think I’ve got some good information about you. To me, you’ve had a really fascinating upbringing and you have an interesting journey around your relationship with food and your body and your voice. And I think you’ve put together a lot of good connections. I think you understand a lot about yourself, and I also really feel, based on this conversation, that you’re really on a good path and a good trajectory. Like, just so you know, I’m not over here sitting, thinking, “Oh my God, you’re so far away from where you need to be,” or, “My goodness, you’re doing such crazy things and keeping yourself from getting to the goal that you want to get to.”
So what I hear is that your thinking has been very good. It’s been solid. It’s been logical, and you’re proceeding in a good way. So what I feel my job in part is to help you continue what I feel has been a very good trajectory. I feel like you’ve taken what you’ve learned, and you’ve taken your gifts. You’re educated. You’re smart. You’re aware. You’re self-aware. You care. And you’re bringing all your resources to help yourself understand, “Okay, wait a second. This is my body. These people have told me, ‘Well, sorry. It’s just genetics.’” And there’s a part of you that strongly thinks and feels and believes differently. And I believe wisely so.
Now, right there in an odd way, you’re going against your family on a certain level. You’re literally going against your tribe.
Batul: Yeah.
Marc: Especially the women in your tribe. What you’re experiencing with your mother in a lot of ways, Batul, is very classic mother-daughter psychology. And what I mean by that is there’s oftentimes two things that happen, oftentimes, in a mother-daughter relationship, which is if the mother hasn’t done all of her work to mature into her womanhood and her queenhood, it will be easier for her to be in a competitive relationship with her daughter.
So there are places where mothers do not relate to their daughters as, “My daughter, I want you to have this better life than me. I want you to go further than me. I want you to launch. I want you to be beautiful. I want you to be everything you can possibly be.” Now, she does have those sentiments in her, but there’s also a place in her where, because chances are she might not be totally happy with where she’s at and might not be skilled enough, aware enough, about mother-daughter dynamics, there’s a place where she will compete with you.
So she will become like your sister. She will become like your friend. Sisters can be competitive. Friends can be competitive. Peers can be competitive with each other. It is not the healthiest dynamic for a parent to be in competition with their child. It’s no good. But this happens, and it’s quite common. And it’s very disturbing for the daughter because the daughter naturally wants unconditional love and unconditional support from a mother, not competition. That’s very confusing to a child’s mind.
Batul: Absolutely.
Marc: Extremely confusing. So you’ve probably been picking up on that message from a very young age, and you’ve been picking up on all the messages where your mother loves and supports you. And there’s places where humans fall short. We’re not perfect. I’m a parent. My son will be 24 soon. I could look back on it and say, “Damn, I wish I would’ve done this better, that better, and the other thing better.” So we’re all learning here.
So anyway, the other piece is a daughter will often respond to that competition with the mother or the daughter will respond to her love for her mother and her care for her mother by thinking, “I should not surpass my mother. Because if I surpass my mother, then I’m messing with her. I’m putting her down. I’m insulting her. I’m belittling her.” Now, I’m not saying you consciously think that, but these are some of the unconscious dynamics that can—I’m not saying this is 100% happening, but I have a feeling there’s some of this going on, where you don’t want to surpass your mother. You don’t want to outshine her out of, believe it or not, a good place. I don’t want to embarrass her.
So if you just stay equal to your mother, if you stay the same weight, if you don’t stay empowered, if you keep your voice down to a certain amount, then you and your mother are kind of equals in a way. You haven’t surpassed her. You follow me?
Batul: I am. It’s very interesting what you said. It brings back a lot of memories actually. When I first got a diet list at 12, I remember looking over that list and saying, “Oh, maybe I’ll follow the same thing as you do.” I remember many instances throughout my childhood where she would introduce me to her friend and say, “We’re more like sisters. We don’t have a mother-daughter relationship. We’re more like friends.” So that definitely resonates.
Marc: Yes. So if your mother has been giving you that message, and, by the way, that’s a pretty strong indication that this is what has indeed been happening. If your mother has very directly identified in that way, then she’s telling us that, “Yes, this is how I’m relating to my daughter. We’re more like friends.” She wants that friend. On the one hand, it’s a sweet thing. There’s a sweetness there. “I want to be friends with my child.” On another level, it’s not the appropriate, correct, main context for the relationship.
The main context for the mother-daughter relationship is that she’s the mother and you’re the daughter. Will you have moments of being friends? Of course. Will you have moments where you’re the mother and she’s the daughter? Of course. Will you have moments where you’re more of an adult and she’s more of a child?
So the roles can shift and change in a moment, but in general, they should have a certain flavor. So because you’ve been getting that message, you haven’t been 100% safe. And you haven’t been able to let your voice be heard because you want to be a good friend to your mother, and a good friend to your mother means you don’t surpass her. You don’t excel beyond her.
Batul: Right.
Marc: You don’t want her to be jealous of you. You kind of want to be a good girl so your mother still loves you. You want to be a good friend so she’s still there for you. And all the while, she was trying to put you on a diet in part because she didn’t want you to have the same struggles she has. And in part, she also wants you to be in the same universe that she’s in and keep her company, which is, “Okay, I can’t lose this weight.”
So here’s what I want to say to you. Let me just be direct here. And I would say this to anyone who’s in the shoes of a competitive relationship between mother and daughter. I’m not saying that’s the entirety of your relationship with her, but there’s an aspect of that. And that aspect is strong, and it lives in you. And you as a good person, because you care and you’re loving, you’re trying to make sure not to hurt her feelings.
On top of that, with your father dying, I’m wondering for you did he feel like a father and not just friends?
Batul: To me?
Marc: Yes.
Batul: Even if he felt like friends, it would definitely be less so compared to my mom. Yeah. He has in his lifetime, many times, warned me that—these aren’t his exact words, but something along the lines of him observing my mom almost trying to sabotage my health and weight efforts.
Marc: Understood. Understood. So that’s probably true to a degree. I’m very clear that it’s not purposeful. It’s very unconsciously driven. And what has to happen, and again I’m going to say I would give this advice to any woman who’s in a competitive relationship or there’s that aspect with the mom, is at some point you have to make the choice in you that you are willing to surpass your mother.
Let me keep going here for a second. You’re willing to surpass your mother. You’re willing to have the body that’s your natural body. Let’s not choose an exact number right now. But let’s assume that you have a natural hair color. You have a natural personality that’s just yours. It’s who you are. You have natural certain talents, certain gifts, certain skills, certain interests. Your body has a certain natural tendency towards a certain natural weight. That’s who you are.
For you to get to your natural weight means you have to be willing to surpass your mother. For you to have your voice means you have to be willing to surpass your mother. Because in a strange way, even though you said, “Wow, I’m not so good at anger, but my mother is,” if you get as good at anger as your mother or better, if you get as good at expressing yourself or better than your mother, then you have surpassed her in a place where she has been ahead of you.
And to your mind, there will be a place where you will somehow feel like that’s a betrayal and that is a sign that you don’t love her. And what I need you to know is that ultimately you being the best version of you is a gift that you give to you, to the world, to your parents, to your lineage. It’s a gift that you give. And you need to let your mother deal with that. It is not your job to rescue her from this. It is not your job to save her from whatever pain or process or emotional challenge she will need to go through. Because it is that pain and challenge and emotional suffering that she might need to go through if you become who you’re supposed to be. That challenge for her will actually help her or it can help her if she chooses to let it help her.
But we have to make choices, and sometimes we leave people behind or it feels like that. So I know you’re not going to not love her. You have to acknowledge that, “Yes, I love my mother, and, no, I’m not going to hold myself back as a way to show love.” So you have to let people be in their discomfort, particularly your parents. Stop rescuing her. You see what I’m saying?
Batul: I do. I do. That clears up a lot of things as well, not just with my mom but also with my friendships in general. If I’ve been treating my relationship with my mom as that with a friend, which feels and sounds like I have, then it makes sense that I always hold onto my voice and power around friends, around my peers as well because I don’t want to surpass them in any way.
Marc: Right.
Batul: I would much rather have them surpass me and not the other way around. It makes so much sense.
Marc: Bingo. Bingo. So you got it. So that’s the conversation that lives inside your head, and we all have this. We all have conversation inside the mind that operates us, that runs us. Now, you didn’t choose that conversation. That conversation is a product of your upbringing. It is a logical product of how you’ve been raised, the world you’ve been raised in, and some of your own natural tendencies.
So there’s no blame here. There’s nothing you’ve done wrong. This is you just growing. This is you maturing as a human being, looking in the mirror, and going, “Huh. Based on what’s going on with my body, based on what’s going on with here, based on what’s going on with my voice, hmm. Let me see what the connections are. What’s going on? Oh, my goodness, here’s how I have learned to be in a relationship with the world, with people. Now, what do I need to change?” Because so much of our life we are living in terms of how we’ve been trained, programmed, taught, and educated. And at some point, we start to feel into who am I actually without those concepts, without those beliefs. So that’s what’s happening for you.
You’re having a lot of information just naturally coming into your system right now. In a strange way, because your mother made you more of a friend, in a weird way it helped you mature a little bit faster. When a child is being raised around adults who are considering that child a friend, there’s a little bit of fast forward on maturity because you’re around adults who are treating you like an adult in a lot of ways. They’re treating you like them.
So you will have adult sensitivities at a younger age. So I found it interesting when you said, “Hey, I’m 12 or 13, and like, wait a second. I gave away my power to the dietician to control my food, and then my mother…” That’s an interesting distinction for a 12 or a 13-year-old. Most kids are not going to think that thought. So it says to me that’s part of your training, but it’s also part of who you are.
So from a young age, you’ve had a voice. From a young age, you’ve had a voice. So that was your voice speaking. Now, yes, your voice has felt suppressed. I get that. And now you’re looking how to let it come out, and that’s a beautiful thing. I just want to say to you that, again, to my mind, you haven’t been doing anything wrong. This is your natural evolution. But you have to be willing. You have to think about this every day. Am I willing to surpass my mother? Am I willing to let my mother be in discomfort if I am at my true weight, my natural weight, if I’m in my natural power, if I’m an expressive woman in the world that says what she believes and says what she feels? Am I willing to let her be angry at me?
You mentioned to me before, “Well, also, if I got strong opinions and I voice them, are people, like what are they going to say? What are they going to think? Are they still going to love me?” Very human, natural concern. If I be the real me, will people still love me? And the answer is yes and no. All the time for everyone the answer’s yes and no. There will be people who when you start being the real you and you voice your opinion, they’re not going to like your opinion, and they’re not going to like you. And then what you do is you put a check mark and you cross them off your list because those are not the people you want in your world. You want the people who get you, who understand you, who stand by you. Even if they disagree with you, maybe they’re your friend and it’s like, “Okay. I love you. You’re my friend. That’s your strong opinion. I disagree. On to the next thing.”
So there’s going to be people who love you for how you show up and who don’t love you for how you show up. Even if you pretend to be someone else, even if you’re not being the real you, there’s going to be people that love you and people that don’t love you for who you pretend to be.
Batul: Right.
Marc: Do you follow me? So this is a very human concern. We want people to love us, and I’m just telling you what the target is here. The target is being comfortable with the fact that, yeah, some people are going to love you and some are not. So we, you, have to start developing a stronger immune system when it comes to being willing to be disliked, being willing to have a strong opinion and have somebody strongly disagree with you, being willing to show up as who you are and somebody goes, “I don’t like a woman like that.” And then you go, “Great. Bye-bye.” Find somebody more like who you like then.
So in part what’s going to help you speak your voice is letting go of the opinions of others mattering so much.
Batul: Just one comment and one question.
Marc: Please. Yeah.
Batul: I’ve been connecting the dots as you were speaking, and I had a big summer break where I was in Turkey and I spent time with my mom. But I came back to Glasgow, and our communication was a bit more limited. I actively chose to leave out some information about my life; whereas, beforehand, she basically knew everything about me and my life. And that’s when the weight loss kind of sped up.
But in the past month or so, I’ve gone back to the habit of sharing everything and anything with her, and that’s when my weight actually started to plateau. And I wonder if there’s a connection between the two.
And then my question was what does being okay with making my mom uncomfortable look like? Just so I can get a head start with that.
Marc: Got it. So first question, could those be related? “Hey, I started communicating with my mom again, telling her everything. Close friends.” Yeah, probably. There’s probably some connection. How important it is I’m not sure. But what I want to say is the difficulty here is that from your mother’s side, she will never be relating to you as a true, true mother 100%. It hasn’t been that way, so it’s not going to change necessarily. So I’m assuming she’s not going to change her position in how she relates with you.
Batul: Okay.
Marc: So it is up to you. You can still be friends with her. You can still be friendly with her, but I also need you to notice where the places are where you lose yourself in order to be her friend. Are there places where you compromise to be her friend?
Now, I have many friends. There are certain friends I tell certain things to, other friends I tell other things to. Certain friends I will never say anything about this, this, and this to. I don’t go there with them. And you know this. There are certain friends you’re more comfortable talking certain things. You do not have to share everything about everything about everything with your mother. I want you to notice what is it that you don’t want to share, and are you stepping over your own boundary? Are you disregarding your own self in that moment?
It could just be intuitive. You don’t have to have a reason for why you don’t want to share something with her. It’s not a betrayal. There are certain things you choose to tell certain people. On a certain level, you are individuating from your mother. This is going to take a little while. It’s not going to happen overnight. So when I say you’re individuating from your mother, it means that you are learning how to be your own woman. So, yes, you’re your mother’s daughter, but you’re also becoming your own woman.
In order to become your own woman, you have to be a little bit less and less and less of her daughter because if I’m still her little daughter, then I can’t be a woman. Do you follow me?
Batul: Yeah.
Marc: So there will be a natural evolution. There will be natural separation here and there. There will be natural boundaries that come up. She will not like that. You don’t have to talk about this with her necessarily at all. You just have to notice and respect yourself and tune into yourself as a person, as a woman. What is it that I want to share? What is it that I don’t want to share?
So if you’re losing weight, you might want to share that. You might not. If you’re on a certain kind of diet, if something’s going on with you with your body, you might want to share; you might not. You might share just a little bit. You might start to notice places where even though she’s not saying anything she’s starting to feel uncomfortable with what you’re sharing because she feels that you’re excelling maybe. And if you start to notice that, that’s when you have to pull inward a little bit. And you just have to notice, okay, how do I kind of cut those cords in the moment and not follow her need for me to be smaller.
Again, it’s an unconscious need. She’s unaware that she’s doing that. She wants to be your friend. She thinks that’s a beautiful thing. There’s a level where, sure, of course, it’s a beautiful thing for a mother and daughter to have a friendship. It’s wonderful. And it would be more ideal if there was also mother-daughter in there. Do you see what I’m saying?
So giving her the space to be in her discomfort simply means not rescuing her, simply means not trying to fix it, simply means noticing when she’s being uncomfortable if you are losing weight and just not responding to it. Just breathing and not jumping in to fill the spaces to fix it. And it’s going to be subtle. We’re talking subtleties here. But there are probably places where your mom gets uncomfortable, and you rescue her. There are places where your friends get uncomfortable, and you rescue them.
I want you to start to notice that and stop doing that. I want you to notice when you do that because that’s also how you think people will love you. Because the truth is, the more you’re friends with your mom the more it feels like she loves you, as a child anyway. Right now, that’s starting to shift. The more you’re friends with your mom it doesn’t always necessarily feel like, “Wow, this is really supportive for me and loving for me.” It’s going to start to feel more, “Wait a second. This doesn’t feel right.”
So it’s you noticing your discomfort when other people are in discomfort in relation to you. Do you follow that?
Batul: I do.
Marc: Oh, my God, I’m uncomfortable because you’re feeling uncomfortable. So let me make you feel more comfortable, and I’m going to feel more comfortable.
Batul: That’s my primary motive of living basically. That’s how I go about life with anyone.
Marc: So if that’s what you do, you will not express yourself. You will not express your truth. You will hold back. You will hold back anger because anger is an uncomfortable feeling for most people. A strong opinion can be uncomfortable for many people. Strong passion could be uncomfortable for many people, because not everybody is self-expressed. Not everybody is being honest and real and putting themselves out there.
So when you do that, you start to lose people. But the people that show up in your world who respect you, honor you, and love you are the good ones. And they’re the people who see you for who you are and those are the people you want in your world because they’re supporting you in who you are and in what your truest expression is.
So you’re individuating from your mother. It’s going to take a good five or six years. This is a slow process. By the time you hit 30, it’s going to be such a different conversation for you. And it’s not like you’re not going to be making progress all the way along because individuating from our parents generally takes until we get into around age 30+. Just what I’ve noticed. Just what others have noticed in this realm.
So individuating from your parents, in this case really from your mother, means as well it’s not just about her; it’s about you stepping into your womanhood. You stepping into your womanhood means to start to express who you are in truth.
Batul: And I’m assuming that will make a lot of people uncomfortable, including my mom.
Marc: Yes. And including you. You’ll get uncomfortable with yourself every now and then. But it’s learning how to be comfortable with uncomfortability. That is a very powerful skill to have because then you’re not rescuing people. You’re not rescuing yourself, and you’re letting things emerge. Because oftentimes as soon as we feel discomfort, we want to medicate it. We want to eat something rather than notice the discomfort, be with it, hang there, breathe through it a little bit, let things unfold, and that discomfort will eventually shift and change. It always does. But we usually distract ourselves before we get there.
So what I want to say to you is that there’s a darn good chance that a lot of the shape-shifting that you want to do with your body, based on what you’ve told me, based on your past, based on your recent success, a lot of your shape-shifting will come as you step into your personal power. Some people they’ve just got to tweak their diet. You’ve got to get them off foods their allergic to. You’ve got all this kind of stuff. I don’t think that’s you.
When you tell me, “Wow, weightlifting really helped me,” that makes perfect sense to me because on one level, yes, will it increase your calorie-burning metabolism? Absolutely. More muscle tissue will really trigger the body. But for you, weightlifting means strength. You’re feeling your strength. Strength. Strength. And the physical strength will also translate into emotional strength, personal strength. Do you know what I’m saying?
So at the same time, you’re feeling physically stronger, you will feel stronger as a person. It’s not just a physical activity for you.
Batul: There’s a big mindset shift aspect there as well for me that I’ve noticed because along with the genetics, brainwashing, there was also that “your body can’t do this, your body is not built for intense exercise” message coming through as well. So the more I lift weights, the more I realize, wow, my body can actually do beautiful things that I never knew I had the potential to do.
Marc: Beautiful. So I want you to keep holding to the principle that I am serving myself, I’m serving the world, I’m serving my mother as I step into my power more and more and more. Even though people might feel uncomfortable, even though I might feel uncomfortable, even though the world might feel uncomfortable, even though my mother might feel uncomfortable, that’s just discomfort. And people will get over their discomfort or they won’t, but that’s not your concern. Your concern is about you because we’re working on you and your life and your personal expression and your body and your health.
So for sure, as you come out more, then this starts to heal more and this starts to become more of what it’s supposed to be as you become who you’re supposed to be. So the fact that your weight loss has plateaued, what I want to say is don’t worry about it. Because sometimes we do a lot of work and then we relax for a while. You climb a mountain and then you take a rest. A plateau is not bad. It’s a very nice place to hang. It’s high up. You get a nice vantage point. You take a little rest. You survey the scene. You gather more data, gather more information, get some rest, whatever it is.
So the plateau isn’t bad. It’s a pause. There’s nothing wrong, and you’re getting ready for the next shift. Don’t push the timing. Let the timing be what it is in terms of your body. Don’t believe so much in your number because if you put so much energy into an exact number, you will harm yourself, plain and simple, because we don’t know the number. But what we do know is that if you have a strong intuition that your body could lose more weight, I trust you to follow that. But I don’t trust you to pick a specific number though. But I trust you to follow that intuition and see where it goes.
Batul: Sounds good.
Marc: And I think you’re on the right track, and I’m really excited for you because you’ve done a lot of great work on yourself. And that’s such a beautiful thing. Again, I think you’ve just made a lot of good decisions and a lot of right moves. And I think it’s time for the world to start hearing your voice more and start practicing it a little bit. Just a little.
Batul: Yeah. Sounds very doable after our conversation.
Marc: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. And you and I get to connect again in another handful of months for a follow-up session. My team will reach out to you, and we’ll get to revisit and just check in and see how things go. Batul, I so appreciate you being so real and so honest and so willing. And I’m super impressed. I really am. I think you’re just a brilliant young woman, and you’ve got the world ahead of you. And I know you’re going to get where you want to go.
Batul: Thank you so much, Marc. Thank you.
Marc: Yeah. I so appreciate our conversation.
Batul: Me too.
Marc: And thanks, everybody, for tuning in. I always appreciate you being with us on the journey. Take care, my friends.
I hope this was helpful. Thanks for listening to the Psychology of Eating podcast. To learn more about the breakthrough body of work we teach here at the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, please sign up for our free video series at IPE.tips. That’s I for Institute, P for Psychology, E for Eating.tips. T-i-p-s. You’ll learn about the cutting-edge principles of dynamic eating psychology and mind/body nutrition that have helped millions of people forever transform their relationship with food, body, and health.
New Insights to Forever Transform Your Relationship with Food
P.S. If you haven’t had a chance to check out our FREE information-packed video series, The Dynamic Eating Psychology Breakthrough, you can sign up for it HERE. It’s a great way to get a better sense of the work we do here at the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. If you’re inspired by this work and want to learn about how you can become certified as an Eating Psychology Coach, please go HERE to learn more. And if you’re interested in working on your own personal relationship with food, check out our breakthrough 8-week program designed for the public, Transform Your Relationship with Food, HERE.
