Tuesday, 30 May 2017

Psychology of Eating Podcast: Episode #213 – A Woman Confronts Her Anxiety About Food & Health

Elle, 29, can’t seem to find a positive thought to dedicate to her body. Marc David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, reassures her she is not the only one in this boat. He also gives her his honest view about how much this is gripping her, to the point of her obsession with food and body occupying so much space and energy, he would consider it her primary relationship, above her husband, her dog, her friends. It’s taking up the most of her life energy. So what’s the answer when we feel stuck? When we feel like our happiness will be directly tied to losing weight? But when the weight comes off, Elle has admitted, she still wasn’t 100% satisfied. Marc introduces the opportunity to finally let go, to begin stepping into her womanhood more, learn to receive love and support, and in doing that, finally find peace with food and body.


Below is a transcript of this podcast episode:

Marc: Welcome, everybody. I’m Marc David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. We’re back in the Psychology of Eating Podcast. And I am here today with Elle, all the way from Queensland, Australia. Welcome, Elle.

Elle: Thanks. Thanks for having me.

Marc: Glad you’re here and I’m glad we’re doing this. And Elle, let me just take a moment and talk to our viewers and listeners for a second. If you are returning to this podcast, welcome. Thanks for coming back. Thanks for being part of the tribe here. If you’re new, what we do is Elle and I have just officially met a minute or two ago. We’ve been chatting and here we are. And we’re going to be working together for about an hour. And the idea is to see if we can hone in on what needs to happen for you to feel like you have taken a nice big leap in the right direction for you. So with that, if you could wave your magic wand, if you can get whatever you wanted from our time together, what would that look like for you?

Elle: It’s a big question and I’ve been thinking about it. And it’s probably just to really come down to being comfortable and confident in my own body. I feel like I’ve been battling mentally and physically with my weight since I was—I can remember early as 10 years old thinking, “Oh my gosh, I’m almost 40 kilos or almost this amount,” I can’t remember the exact amount. But having that thought that young now when I look back at it is just—it’s a long time, being 29 now and having that thought 19 years ago really. And to have that, I feel like it consumed my life pretty much all the way through high school and early 20s and now into my late 20s. So I’m about to graduate as a naturopath and I just don’t feel confident being able to give advice to patients when I feel like I’m not—it’s not that I’m not following the advice, but I feel like my physical appearance doesn’t look like I am.

And I’ve gone through all different medical testing and I’ve seen doctors and all the naturopaths trying to figure out why I can’t lose weight and everything comes back perfectly fine. And so I’ve kind of just realized that I think it’s got a lot to do with that I’m focused on it so much and that in turn is just creating this constant level of stress within my body even though it’s almost often about stress. I probably only say I’m stressed from studying. But I think, subconsciously, there’s a level of stress there that I just can’t release. So just, yeah, basically letting go of the doubting and the guilt and the anxiety surrounding food. Yeah, basically, so that’s a big one but a little too big to me.

Marc: So tell me how it shows up in your day to day to day? Like what goes on in your head, what goes on in your eating that kind of holds you back?

Elle: So just constant or I feel that constant negative thoughts about different body parts, any body part really. I feel like it holds me back in my relationship with my husband. He constantly tells me how beautiful I am and I’m perfect the way that I am. But I’d never believe it. And I think that annoys him to a certain degree. I think there’s…yeah, just I feel like I put a lot of pressure on myself to achieve in other areas of my life so that I’m not so focused on it. So I’m like go, go, go with other things that I don’t ever feel like I get the satisfaction that I’m staking out of that, if that makes sense.

So yeah, everyday life, that’s kind of how it is. So with food I find that I go really well during the week because it’s when I’m busy and I can prepare more during the week because I’m home studying most of the time. But come weekends, or primarily Sundays, and my husband comes from work, it kind of just sort of relaxes and goes out the door and I just—I don’t binge. We’ll have take-out. But the guilt surrounding that one take-out meal a week will just put into a funk and feel like I’ve undone everything from the whole week kind of thing.

Marc: So the guilt from a take-out meal, is it because you didn’t cook it yourself? Is it because of the specific food that you ate? Help me understand where the guilt would come in for that.

Elle: The specific food that I ate. I don’t enjoy cooking. I wish that I did but I probably don’t enjoy it because I’m not very good at it. I didn’t grow up with a mother who taught me how to cook. It was like meat and three vegetables kind of thing going off. It was never bolognese or curries or anything like that. So when I do cook now, it’s not very good so I don’t enjoy it. So most of those meals are pretty basic. So it probably comes back to, I guess, feeling lazy that I haven’t made the effort to cook. And then yeah, the guilt around getting a take-out, fried food or whatever, hot chips or something like that.

Marc: I think I understand. How much weight do you want to lose?

Elle: So that’s the other thing. I feel like no matter what weight I am, I’m never satisfied with it. So I got married about two and a half years ago. And just before my wedding I went on this crazy, regretful crash diet. So I was probably 76 kilos before I did this diet and I got down to 69 kilos and actually had to try and put some more weight back on because my wedding dress got too big. So I think I ended up with about 73, which it seems to be a comfortable weight for my height because I’m quite tall. And after that, because I didn’t follow through the maintenance phase of the diet, I just piled on the weight. I got married at the end of April and by the July, I was back up to 86 kilos. So not only had I gained back the weight that I’d lost, but I’d also gained back almost 10 kilos on top of that. And then since then, I’ve put on more again. But even when I was at that 69 kilos at my wedding, I still felt like I was too overweight. Whereas now, I think, “God, I would give anything to get back to that weight.” So it’s just like I’m never satisfied even when I am at a lighter weight. Yeah, so…
Marc: So do you ever have times, maybe during the week or during the month, maybe a day here or there, where you find yourself more kind, more loving of your body, food is less of an issue, does it ever happen to you where there are just these brief times when like, “Oh, it hasn’t been so bad today or these few days.”

Elle: No. Not recently. Pretty much not since I gained back the weight after my wedding pretty much. And it wasn’t like the weight gain was from getting comfortable and being like, “Oh I’m married now, it doesn’t matter.” It was not like that at all. I haven’t really changed the way that I’ve eaten since then from before I went on that crazy diet. So yeah, I don’t know what’s going on. But no, recently, I don’t ever feel like I have a day where it’s not in my thoughts at least half a dozen times, a dozen times.

Marc: So tell me about your mom’s relationship with her body.

Elle: My mom is overweight. I do have memories of us walking around one of the large parks in Sydney with her pumping her hand weights or the weights that were strapped around your ankles in the 80s kind of thing. So she was trying to lose weight and I remember her doing shakes and that sort of thing. And then when I was about 17, she got a lap band put in. And she did lose a lot of weight from that but she also had, I think, it was about three or four months living over in Indonesia, going to university over there while I was in my last year of high school. And so she came back like 20 kilos lighter and she was looking fantastic. But since then, she had so much problems trying to digest foods that she just ate really sort of basic biscuits or crumbly kind of things that will go down easily. So yeah, she’s gained the weight again. I don’t ever remember her saying that she hated her body. And she was never really subconscious about it in front of us. But I do remember her taking us to Weight Watchers meetings and that sort of thing. So I think it is there but she never sort of verbalized it.
Marc: How do you think your life will be different? Who would you be? What would it look like? Like describe to me a day in your life or just what would be—who the new you would be if you’re at the weight you wanted and you felt good about it?

Elle: I just think I would have so much more energy and the energy to get out there and enjoy life. It has been hard the last four years because I have been studying so much. So I have been in my little study cave. But I just don’t feel like I have energy outside of work or study to really get out and socialize and do activities with my husband and get out and go hiking, which I really enjoyed when I was living in Canada. So yeah, just basically the energy, I just feel like I’ve put so much energy into trying to get my food perfect and worrying about my weight and my appearance and what other people think of me. But if that was all gone, then I would be out to, yeah, get out there and just be confident. And it sounds horrible but I feel like I would be more successful. Yeah, kind of like in my heart I know that’s not how it is. But in my head thinking, you’d be so much more successful if you looked like this kind of thing. So I hate saying that but, yeah, it sounds…

Marc: No. I’m glad you’re being honest about it. And you’re not the only person who thinks and feels that. And the world often gives us that message. Media gives us that message. Culture gives us that message. If you look a certain way, we like you better. So it’s understandable.

Elle: Yeah.

Marc: So you said to me your partner thinks you’re beautiful. And when he says something like that, you don’t really believe it. So what does he do with that, when he is complimenting you and loving you and you’re not loving your body, like then what happens between you and him?

Elle: I pretty much just kind of brush him off and just like, yeah whatever or like it stops him from—no, it doesn’t stop him. He still tries to like hug me and stuff. But even hugging me, I just don’t feel comfortable with him having his hands on my stomach or my leg even kind of thing. So he does say, “You know that you’re beautiful. I think you’re beautiful, isn’t that all that matters?” And I’m like, “Yeah, but I don’t believe it.” So in myself it does kind of affect our relationship for sure.

Marc: Do you have anyone in your life or anyone that you know who was having difficulty loving their body and then they had a shift and now they just love their body more?

Elle: To be honest, no, I don’t. Yeah, I can’t really think of—like my sister, she’s a little same as me. Since she’s had kids, she struggled with her weight as well and she’s pretty down on herself about it as well. And she’s probably the closest female to me. As I said, I don’t, having moved to this town not knowing anyone, I don’t know too many other people in the town at the moment. It’s kind of moved away. So yeah, closeness-wise, I don’t have that many close friends surrounding me right now.

Marc: What do you for fun? What do you for fun, entertainment/pleasure? Any one of those or all those.

Elle: Probably, yeah, it’s a hard question because I know I don’t have very good work-life balance. It’s like practitioners are the worst patients by far. Even though I can give the advice, I don’t necessarily follow it. So I do enjoy spending time with my dog though. And that sounds, yeah, really mushy but he’s probably the thing that lights me up the most besides my husband. So just when it’s the three of us kind of having an adventure is probably my most enjoyable time of the week, which is usually Sundays, when my husband gets time off. So yeah, just heading to the beach or going for a picnic or something like that.

Marc: So what do you tell yourself given that, okay, you look back, let’s say to your wedding, and you go “God, I would love to get back to that weight. How was I so crazy thinking that I needed to lose more weight?” Like what do you tell yourself about that, given that you now know from this perspective that back then you thought you had a bunch more weight to lose. And now you can kind of look back on it and go, “Huh, that was pretty good.”

Elle: Yeah, I feel like if I was…I look back and I just think I was crazy for thinking that I needed to lose more weight because I looked hot. But at the time, I was still really self-conscious. So yeah, I look back now and yeah I think that was crazy of me to think that. And yeah, so I know that I have troubles accepting it even when I am there and that’s what I need to get past and yeah.

Marc: Yeah. So, really, it sounds to me that in a lot of ways, you know what your path is or ought to be in terms of you know that, okay, I have to get to the place where I’m accepting myself and loving myself but you don’t quite know how to get there.

Elle: Exactly. It’s like I can see it out in the distance and I just cannot get there. Or if I start getting there, I self-sabotage. And yeah, just let everything go and put my hands up kind of thing.

Marc: Okay. Just let me ask a question about that. So if you start getting there then you self-sabotage, how do you know when you start to get there? What indicates to you that, “Oh, I’m on my way. I’m heading in the right direction.” Like what are the signs of that?

Elle: Feeling better in my clothes. Yeah, just basically losing the weight. I guess I can hear myself keep saying that it all comes back to the weight and I hate that I’m saying that. But it’s been such a big part of my life for so long and that’s just how it is for me. So basically, it usually gets to about 4 or 5 kilos that I lose and then something will come up like special occasion or event or a weekend away or something like that and just getting back on that wagon after relaxing for that time. It’s just a struggle and I end up just going backwards again. And then it gets too much down the track and I’m back to where I started. And do it all over again.

Marc: When you look at yourself and try to understand yourself and why this happens for you, do you have a thought, do you have an idea like, “Yeah I think I have this challenge because…” And this doesn’t have to be right it’s just a total opinion question.

Elle: Yeah. I think the way my personality is I always have to have a goal and I think it’s good to have goals. But this is kind of one goal that I feel like I’ve never achieved in 19 years. So it’s like a really big one for me. And I don’t want to say that I’m like an A type personality or like obsessive or anything like that because I’m not. But it’s like I am when it comes to this. So yeah, as I said earlier, I just find that I try and have these other little things that I try and achieve. And I get there but then I don’t feel like I have that full satisfaction of that, of achieving that mini goal, I guess you could say of…yeah.

Marc: Okay, so let me share some thoughts with you about what I think of where you’re at and what might help move you forward. What I want to say, I’m going to start general with just some big picture thoughts and observations and then we’ll see if we can circle in a little more.

You are really gripped by this. Like this really has you. It kind of runs your life, this challenge. It’s not like a side issue. It’s sort of like the main activity. That’s my sense of you. Even though you’re married and even though you’re going to professional school and finishing up and been working on that for four years, in a lot of ways your full-time activity has been dealing with this, managing it, trying to manage it, trying to fix it, trying to make it go away, whatever it is. It feels like this is truly like your life in a lot of ways. Am I accurate? Not accurate?

Elle: Absolutely. And the only time that I feel like I ever let it go was when I was living overseas. And I actually lost 10 kilos plus without even setting foot in a gym. And I was eating really badly like I was eating fried chicken and drinking four or five times a week. But I was going out and having fun and I ended up leaving London and Canada almost 15 kilos lighter without even trying. So I think that says a lot and, yea,h consciously I know that. But I don’t know how to get back to that place, so yeah.

Marc: That makes total sense. And it makes sense to me also that when you were in a different environment, a foreign environment, and you let go of everything, your body started letting go. So there’s a level, there’s a place where you do understand that there was an interesting phenomenon that happened. I want to be scientist for a moment. A good scientist observes. A good scientist gathers data and you gather data and you gather data. And at some point, you have enough data. And you start to collate that data. You start to see what the data is telling you. And then you legitimately draw a conclusion from that data based on what it seems to be telling you.

So I think you have a very, very important piece of data here. And the important piece of data that you just shared is that when I let go, I strangely get the very thing I’ve been wanting even though I’ve been trying so hard to get it without success. This I would call not so much a weight loss lesson or a nutritional lesson, I would call it a life lesson. And I’m concerned for you because I could see how much this is gripping you and it has gripped you. And it is understandable that it is gripping you because that’s what this does. Negative body image, self-hate about the body, perfectionism about weight, wanting my body to look a certain way with the assumption that it will give me love, success, power, happiness, this, that, the other thing.

You didn’t invent that concept, that concept exists out there. You were taught it. It comes from the world. It’s not unique to you. You’re not the only girl going through this. And it’s unique to you, for you, you’re experiencing this. And again, I’m just saying I’m noticing how much this occupies your life.

So what I want to say, from the outside looking in, is not acceptable, okay? And I know you know that and you’re trying to change that. The challenge is you’re feeling a little stuck and you’re also doing the same strategies. And the same strategies don’t get you anywhere but they’re the only strategies you know. Maybe they helped you a little bit here or there in the past so I’m getting that you’re at a frustration point and I’m actually glad for you. You may have to get more and more and more to the frustration point to really see how much this grips you. Because right now, and I’m not telling you anything you don’t know, but I just want to acknowledge it, that in an odd way your relationship with your body, your challenged relationship with food and your body is your primary relationship. It’s not your husband. It’s not your dog. It’s like this is who you’re sleeping with.

Elle: I agree.

Marc: I say that because you need to start expanding your vision more and use other things to inspire you to change. Previously, you’re trying to inspire yourself to change by promising yourself I will be more successful and have more energy if I lose weight and have the body I want. Understandable. And you’re at an age in life where you’re transitioning into your 30s. And transitioning into your 30s—so you’re 29 now?

Elle: Yes.

Marc: Yeah. Transitioning into your 30s is the first true foray into adulthood. It’s a time when really adulthood starts to get some little roots in the soil. So you’re in a transition zone. You’re transitioning, honestly, from a princess, a teenager, a girl at her 20s who needs to look good so people love her, to an adult who has a profession, has a husband, has a pet that you care about, maybe you’re going to have kids down the line. So you need to grow. Plain and simple, you need to grow. You need to expand your consciousness.

Elle: Yeah.

Marc: You need to expand how you see the world, how you see yourself, and how you see this whole challenge because, otherwise, you’re going to be 75 years old and still dealing with it.
Elle: Yeah. I already feel like I’ve just wasted so much of my 20s not enjoying them. You say that coming into 30s is when you get into that adult time but I feel like I’ve been doing that for five years already since moving back to Australia. And I haven’t been able to live and enjoy as much as I did early 20s. I thought I’ve been living there already.

Marc: Yeah. So the good news is it’s never too late. You can still move forward into your adulthood while reclaiming fun and pleasure and nourishment and life and joy. And what I believe for you very strongly is that the road for you to get where you want to go in a weird way is so much easier than you think that you wouldn’t believe it. I almost don’t even want to tell you because you’re not going to believe it. But I’m going to tell you in a second anyway. And you won’t fully believe it even though you’ve had experience with it already, which is that, as you let go, things change. There’s a part of you that you have a death grip on, “I got to change my body. I got to do this. It has to look like this so I have to make it that. This has to be. I got to control this. I got to control this. I got to get this under control.” And in actuality you have to let go of control.

That will scare the heck out of you for understandable reasons because, “Oh my god if I let go of control, what are you saying? Just eat whatever I want? Then I’m going to gain even more weight.” So I’m not saying be so out of control that I buy guns and shoot people and tell people off and eat all the food I want and put poison in my body. No, I’m not saying that. But I’m saying that there’s a place where it’s time to let go. And it’s time to drop into that part of you that has fun, that enjoys yourself, and that doesn’t worry about what I’m eating. You’ve done it once before at least that you’ve shared with me. And it actually gave you the result that you want. You don’t have to necessarily eat junk food or trash your body in order to let go. Letting go is a feeling. It’s a feeling. And you have to remember that feeling. It feels very far away to you right now.

Elle: Yeah, I just sort of feel like I’m all or nothing in that I’m either really strict with my diet or I’m just way off, like I can’t find the happy medium or I can’t find the balance in between. I’ve tried to let go but it just kind of looks way to good. So I understand what you’re saying. It’s just…yeah.

Marc: All or nothing is a belief system. It’s a religion. And once your realize it doesn’t work for you then you slowly, at the least slowly, change your religion. You change your belief system. When you realize your religion doesn’t work for you. So all or nothing is actually like a religion, meaning its beliefs that you hold to be true. “Okay, I just got it all. I’m like I got to do everything perfect right, exquisitely focused on the diet, oh my god that’s not working, I don’t want to do this. It’s too hard. God, I’m going to eat whatever I want, do whatever I want to do, I’m just going to let go.” That’s a childlike approach. That doesn’t come from an adult mind. It comes from a childlike mind. It comes from a teenage mind. Teenagers do that kind of stuff. It’s like they behave when they have to behave. And then all of a sudden when they get the keys to the car they drive like crazy and they do crazy things when the adults aren’t around.

So it’s less that you’re learning. Let’s phrase this differently. It’s less that you’re learning how to not be all or nothing and it’s more that you’re learning how to step into your womanhood more and more.

Elle: Okay.

Marc: That’s a different activity. Stepping into your womanhood doesn’t just mean about all or nothing. Stepping into your womanhood is about every part of your life. Now, only you know what that means for you. But stepping into your womanhood is about every part of your life. It’s stepping into your womanhood in relationship to your husband, stepping into your womanhood in relationship to your profession, stepping into your womanhood in relationship with your body.

Womanhood does not mean I am dry and I have no fun, quite the opposite. A good adult, a smart adult, a smart woman, a smart man knows how to have fun. And then they go take care of their responsibilities. And then they know how to play and they know how to party. And they know how to do it without hurting themselves too much. And then they go back to their responsibilities when they have to. So when you’re operating in an all or nothing universe, you’re always—it’s kind of like driving a car and you’re swerving down the road. Yeah, you’re getting where you want to go but it’s a crazy ride. So what I see you doing right now is looking at self-maturing and you’re not quite sure about it. You’re not quite sure if you want to grow up, really.

Elle: Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, it’s true.

Marc: So if you’re not quite sure that you want to grow up then you will hesitate about all these things. And you will stay in this relationship with food because the relationship with food and body that you’re in right now keeps you very young. It keeps you young.

Elle: That makes sense.

Marc: It keeps you ineffective in your life in many ways. It keeps you immature and it keeps you a child. It keeps you a teenager where you really can’t take on responsibility because you’re not taking on yourself. So what I want to say is, you have enough smarts and you have enough information right now. Your challenge I believe is choosing to mature yourself. And when I say mature yourself, it means learning how to be an adult and learning how to bring joy, fun, and pleasure into your life because that’s an adult activity as much as anything else. It is necessary because you need to feed yourself in that way. When you feed yourself in that way, something good happens.

We don’t have enough time to figure this out nor will it necessarily be super helpful. But somewhere along the line in your life you’ve figured out, erroneously, that if I just be a good girl and I get really serious and I just get focused and I don’t have any fun and I just be really strict, that’s going to be good for me. Either I will get respect, people will like me, somehow that’s going to fix stuff. And so there’s a place where the seriousness has taken over but the seriousness is actually the seriousness of a 16- or 17-year-old girl who has challenges and wants to be loved and wants to have a good body and wants to feel good about herself and thinks, “Oh man, I just got to buckle up here and get real tough and strong to help myself.” Which makes sense, by the way, that’s a sensible strategy.

If you want a result—you said you’ve been goal-oriented. One way that we reach our goal is we focus. This is a good thing. That’s a good skill that you have. You’re able to bear down and focus. Now, to get where you want to go in this realm called body and weight and loving your body, it’s less about bearing down on a diet. It’s the opposite of that. It’s less about bearing down on some psychological system and it’s the opposite of that in a lot of ways. It’s just learning how to enjoy this body as it is right now in this moment.

Elle: Yeah.

Marc: Learning how to find joy in your own skin. As you do that, you start to let go more. As you start to let go more, your body lets go of the physiologic stress response. As your body lets go of the physiologic stress response, you are then positioned to be in your optimum day-in, day-out metabolism. Your body is under constant stress state. It thinks that it’s being chased by a lion every freaking day because you’re freaked out about your weight and your body. So it thinks you’re freaked out about a lion chasing it. It thinks your life is in danger. And it does what everybody is supposed to do, which is it tends to slow down metabolism a little bit when the body thinks it’s threatened; when it thinks it’s threatened with long-term survival.

So this is not about diet per se for you. This is about personal growth. And what I believe for you, Elle, is that you’re going to have to make a choice. You’re going to really have to just get good with yourself and make the choice that I’m going to grow up here, I’m going to—there’s a part of me that’s kind of resistant, part of me that wants to stay a little kid and not do the work I have to do. Because the work you have to do is not hard work of ‘eat this, don’t eat that.’ It’s not hard work of following a diet. It’s a different kind of hard work. It’s the hard work where you look at yourself. It’s the hard work where you choose to love yourself more. It’s the hard work where you choose to have fun. It’s the hard work when your husband says, “God, you’re beautiful.” Where you take a moment, you don’t say anything, you take a deep breath, you look him in the eye, and you have a big smile on your face and you go, “Thank you, honey.” How freaking cool it is that you have a husband who loves you and loves how you look? How cool is that?

Elle: Very.

Marc: Right?

Elle: Yeah.

Marc: So you have to start letting that in there, young lady. You got to let that in. It’s almost like if you said to me, Marc, I need money. And I go, “Hey, you know, I just found $500 I don’t even need this $500, here take it.” And your hands are closed and you go, “No.” And I’m like, “Well, wait a second you just said you needed money and now your hands are closed. I’m giving you money, you’re not taking the money.” And that’s kind of what’s happening or you say you want to be happy or you say want to love your body, you say you want to feel good about yourself, but then when that goodness comes your way, you’re refusing it. And you’re not doing that purposely, that’s just a habit that you’ve been taught. So all I’m doing is I’m raising my hand and saying that’s the work. The work is to stay awake there to catch yourself resisting the money, resisting the love, resisting the compliment and start to, as best you can, take in even 5 percent, not 100 percent, just a little bit. And this is a practice.

So just so you know, if you really want to do the work here, it’s a daily practice and it’s the little things. Right now, there is nothing big in my opinion that you can do that will help you. There’s nothing big you can do that’s going to help you lose weight. There’s nothing big you gotta do that’s going to help you be happy all of a sudden. But there are so many opportunities to do little things that are going to build on themselves so well and so much quicker than you think. But it’s the little things. It’s the little things. It’s the little things.

You’re not focused on the little things right now. You’re focused elsewhere. So I want you to focus on the little things. I would love for you—and it’s going to scare you—to at some point have a conversation with your husband and say, “Hey, I really want to learn how to enjoy my body more. I want to learn how to just have more fun.” Let’s talk about ideas and have a conversation and see what you come up with. And you don’t do anything you’re not semi-comfortable with. But you also have a little bit of willingness to feel a little bit uncomfortable because you will be uncomfortable. Learning to love ourselves when we don’t love ourselves is a very uncomfortable feeling. I have places where I’m learning to love myself very uncomfortable. So it’s learning how to be comfortable with discomfort. You follow me?

Elle: Yeah. And I think that’s what I struggle with as well. Like yeah, just getting past that discomfort, hence the control.

Marc: Yes. So what it’s about is just be an uncomfortable mess. You got to get a little messy, got to get a little messy. When I say messy, just messy, just messy. It’s like, “Okay, I overate, fine. Okay, I goofed up. Okay, I don’t know what I’m doing here. Okay, I get a little clumsy sometimes.” It’s about you being a little bit more messy and not under such control and join the human family here. We’re messy. We’re not perfect.

Elle: Yeah. Yeah, I look forward to it.

Marc: Yeah. I look forward to you getting there. And it’s a choice for you at this point. Again, you don’t know exactly how to get there but you can choose. When you decide to go to naturopathic school, you don’t know how to be a naturopath when you decided to go to naturopathic school. But you know that by going to school, you will learn. And then you go to school and you learn and then you realize, “Okay, cool. And now I have to learn on the job a little bit and see patients and that’s how I learn even more.” But you made a choice. I want to go down this road called naturopathic school.

So now I’m asking you to make the choice to go down this road called self-love and self-acceptance and fun and pleasure and enjoyment of my body. Choose to go down that road even though you don’t know how exactly you’re going to do it. And then start to gather evidence from the environment about how to do that. So I suggested having a conversation with your husband, have a conversation with a close girlfriend.

Elle: Yeah.

Marc: Make a phone call and say like, “Hey here’s what I’m up to.” Do you have a friend who is more of a leader in this realm, like a girlfriend who is just comfortable with her body, knows how to have fun, somebody who like has figured this out a little bit?

Elle: Yeah, yeah. She’s just a phone call away.

Marc: Yeah. So that’s the person you want to talk to. That’s the person you want to confide in. That’s the person you want to ask advice from. That’s the person you want cheerleading you. So you’re taking steps in a direction. Because right now your strategy has not worked for you. Your strategy is, “Let me force myself to lose weight. Let me see if I can do all these different things. Let me try these strategies. Let me try all these techniques.” I get that you’re disappointed because you’ve learned this whole body of work in school and it doesn’t help you get where you want to go.

Elle: Yeah.

Marc: So here’s what I want to say about that. Forget about school not teaching you how to get where you want to go. Pretend that school was really life. Life is the proper school. Life has already taught you that you can apparently get some interesting benefits when it comes to feeling good in your body or when it comes to your body starting to get a little more natural in its weight when you let go. Life has taught you that. Life gave you that lesson. I want you to start to play with that lesson. I want you to modify it a little bit because you know enough about nutrition to not trash yourself. But what I also want to say is, there isn’t a single food you can eat right now in this moment, tonight, today, tomorrow, that’s going to mess you up forever, that’s going to make the weight stay on forever. There’s nothing you could eat today or tomorrow that you can’t recover from in minutes. It doesn’t matter. What you eat next meal doesn’t matter. It’s who you’re being inside that matters for you.

Elle: Yeah. I can see what you mean by saying that that’s an immature way of thinking that one meal can undo a whole week. Yeah, I can definitely see that that’s immature.

Marc: Yes. So I need you to get that. I need you to get that. I need you to catch your thinking when you go into like 12-year-old, 13-year-old girl thinking. You got to catch yourself.

Elle: Yeah.

Marc: You’re smarter than that and you are smarter than that. And you demonstrated it in other ways. This is one place where you go younger. We all have our places that are challenging for us. This is the place where you get challenged. So all I’m asking you to do is just remember that this is where you get challenged. And I want you to catch yourself when you think thoughts that are logically and scientifically and experientially impossible, i.e., one meal is not going to mess everything up for life; i.e., you worrying and beating yourself up has never advanced your cause, ever, when it comes to having the body you want.

So to get where you want to go is very different than what you think. It’s not about contracting and bearing down. It’s about opening up and letting go for you, I believe.

Elle: Yeah. I agree.

Marc: You can disagree, I’d be fine with that. You could yell at me if you want. How’re you doing? Tell me how you’re doing.

Elle: A few emotional parts in there. But yeah, it’s good to hear it from someone else. I think I needed it. It makes it… yeah. It makes me realize that, yeah, I’m not the only one that go through this and there is a way out.

Marc: Yes. And this is about you not isolating. Because what’s happened is you’re good at isolating, it’s actually a superpower. You’re a good loner. Loners often just aren’t completely alone. Like a good loner has one or two people around them or a good pet and that’s their tribe. And then they can actually be very functional and get a lot accomplished and be very focused and do stuff. So that’s a superpower, that’s a great thing. And it also gets in your way because you isolate around the weight thing and your body. And you kind of go undercover a little bit. And you go very inward around it. And you end up spinning in your own world and you’re not getting feedback about how you’re actually talking to yourself. And how that conversation in your head doesn’t move you forward.

So what I’m telling you is, the conversation in your head about food and body that you have doesn’t move you forward is not good enough yet. And there’s no blame, there’s nothing wrong with you. Because guess what, this happens to untold millions of girls around the world, untold millions of women around the world. Men, to a lesser degree, but still yes. So I am so wanting you to kind of expand your bandwidth, jump into the human family, start getting support from people, start getting support from your friends, get support from your husband, and start to marshal the resources that you already have and come out of your shell a little bit more. And you’re going to feel vulnerable. You’re going to feel very uncomfortable. And as life challenges go, that’s not so bad. Having to learn to love your body isn’t so bad. Gathering support from your friends and husband who loves you isn’t so bad.

Elle: Yeah. I’m looking forward to it. Yeah.

Marc: So tell me one thing for you that feels like for you an important take-away from our conversation today?

Elle: I sort of feel like the weight has been lifted off my shoulders, really. I feel like I can breathe again. And knowing that there’s a way out of this.

Marc: There is. And you’re not going to figure out that way. The way is going to show up for you. It’s showing up for you now. And it’ll continue to show up for you in different ways just as you open yourself up to receiving help. Another way of saying all this is this is about you learning to receive. This is you learning to receive.

Elle: Yeah.

Marc: Applying and sending in your application to be in this podcast, good for you. It’s reaching out for support and learning how to receive and sharing yourself publicly in this way. It’s giving to others but it’s also receiving because, in a weird way, it holds us accountable when we like put ourselves out in public. Your patients, I promise you, won’t give a damn about how much you weigh or what you look like. You’re fine as you are to see patients. There would be patients, if somebody feels like you need to lose 5 or 10 kilos in order for them to see you as a professional, you don’t want them as a client. It’s a waste of your money. It’s a waste of your time. Literally, it’s a waste of your time.

There will be people who only want to work for you because they’re actually comfortable with who you are and that’s not even to do with your looks, it’s just “I’m comfortable with her, I trust her, I feel safe with her.” So success-wise, inner success precedes outer success. One of the greatest ways to be successful in the outer world is be successful in the inner world first. How one is successful in the inner world is, at least in this case for you, is learning how to slowly give yourself the love, the nourishment, the acknowledgement, open up to receiving, asking for help, that’s an inner victory to just open ourselves up.

Elle: Yeah, I do find that I close myself down a lot, which I can’t—yeah, which won’t get me far.

Marc: So what I want to say to you is I know you’ve worked really hard. And I think that’s so honorable and I think that’s so amazing. And I hundred percent believe that you’re going to get where you want to go, and where you want to go is to feel free. Your weight, I promise you, will find its rightful natural place as you find your rightful natural place. It’s not like, “Okay I shape-shifted my body. I make it weigh a certain amount. And then I’m going to discover who I am and what makes me happy and…” No, no, no, no. The way it’s going to work for you, we all have a different journey. You know people, I know people who do not have to worry about their way to their body or their food and they have their perfect body and their perfect health and whatever and they’re on to the next thing.

We all have a different journey. So I encourage you to respect your journey. Your journey is the right one for you. It’s the right one to help you be the best person. And your journey gives you an interesting challenge. And the challenge is to learn how to love yourself, to open up, and to receive love and acknowledgement from others. What a good challenge to have.

Elle: Yeah. Yup, it is. Because I know that it will get me really far like it would get me out of this, so I’m feeling good about it.

Marc: Yeah, yeah. A little bit more patience. A little bit more patience. You’re going to get there. And I really want to say give yourself a little more time and space. And know that as you open up, your body open’s up. As you relax, your body relaxes. As you become more natural in terms of being you, your body becomes more natural in terms of being it. It finds its natural metabolism but it’s waiting for you. Body is just waiting for Elle to just have a little more fun, enjoy herself more.

Elle: Yeah.

Marc: I really appreciate you being so willing and so open and I know this wasn’t easy for you. And I know that there were a lot of tender places that got talked about. And I’m just really honored that we’re in this conversation that you hung in there.

Elle: A few touch-and-go moments.

Marc: Yeah, yeah. So I think you’re an amazing, young woman. I know you’re going to get where you want to go if you keep applying yourself. And you don’t have to work as hard as you’ve been working, really. You don’t have to work so hard.

Elle: Yay. Oh good, it’s good to hear.

Marc: Yeah, yeah. So you and I get to meet in another handful of months for a follow-up session. And in the meantime, I really want you to start to reach out for support from your friend, who’s a phone call away; from your husband; and invent other interesting ways to start to enjoy your life, your body more, and see what happens as a great experiment.

Elle: I know. Yeah. It is. I look forward to it.

Marc: Elle, thank you so much.

Elle: Thank you so much.

Marc: And thank you, everybody, for tuning in. I appreciate you being on the journey with us. Once again, I’m Marc David, on behalf of the Psychology of Eating Podcast, more to come, my friends. Take care.

The Institute for the Psychology of Eating
© Institute For The Psychology of Eating, All Rights Reserved, 2016

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source http://psychologyofeating.com/psychology-of-eating-podcast-episode-213-a-woman-confronts-her-anxiety-about-food-health/

The Secrets to Healthy Hair, Skin, and Nails

A woman with healthy hair. Diet and lifestyle play a big role in how hair, skin, and nails look and feel.

Frustrated with lackluster hair, dry skin, and brittle nails? You are not alone. There is a multi-billion dollar cosmetics industry built on your hopes and dreams of shiny hair, strong nails, and supple, hydrated skin. But do the potions and tonics you apply to your tresses leave them dull and lifeless? Are your nails prone to splitting and cracking? Are your knees ashy an hour after applying lotion? There’s a reason why.

The products you use every day might be doing more harm than good. Cosmetic products are often loaded with harmful chemicals and toxins that detract from your health and appearance. Fortunately, the secret to beautiful hair, skin, and nails is simpler than you might think. Like so many other aspects of your health, your diet and lifestyle are major determinants of your appearance. Keep reading to find out how to improve and maintain strength and shine for a lifetime.

Watch What You Eat

Don’t underestimate the role a healthy diet plays in how you look. Vitamin C is crucial to maintaining your skin’s collagen and elasticity.[1] Nutrition is vital to maintaining healthy-looking hair, skin, and nails. In fact, some of the first symptoms of nutritional deficiencies like B-12 are thinning, dry hair and thin, brittle nails.[2, 3] Too little zinc, biotin, or iodine might affect the appearance and integrity of your hair and nails. Make sure you eat a diverse range of healthy, colorful foods every day to get these essential nutrients.

If you consume alcohol often, keep in mind that alcohol also prematurely ages the skin and leads to wrinkles, hives, spider veins, cherry angiomas, psoriasis, and skin discoloration.[4]

Sweat It Out

Diet is far from the only influence on your appearance. Exercise is another way to help you maintain a radiant complexion. In addition to helping keep your telomeres long,[5] researchers have found that regular exercise encourages younger looking skin.[6] You can also benefit from detoxing your skin by hitting the dry sauna or taking in a hot yoga class. Just make sure to rinse off afterward.

Reassess Your Beauty Routine

Your styling habits are a major influence on your appearance, and that includes the cosmetics you use. You might already know this if you’ve mistakenly over-processed your nails, leaving them brittle and prone to cracking and breaking. Your styling habits are a major influence on your appearance, and that includes the cosmetics you use. Harsh chemicals and procedures dry, damage, and otherwise compromise the appearance and integrity of hair, skin, and nails. To keep your outermost layers hydrated, supple, and vibrant, you need to treat your body right. If you’re looking to improve a certain area, natural products can help you address gaps in your routine. Make sure you choose natural, organic, non-toxic products.

Harmful compounds and additives in beauty products can compromise your long-term health. The preservatives and plasticizers in your nail polish may affect your DNA and hormones. Avoid anything labeled “fragrance,” this term is unregulated and could mean almost any chemical. Look out for carcinogenic preservatives like formaldehyde, BHA, BHT, and coal tar in your beauty products as well as synthetic endocrine disruptors like parabens, perfluorinated chemicals, and triclosan.

Consider how your cosmetics contribute to your appearance, not just immediately but over time. Are your cleansers nourishing or are they stripping the natural oils from your skin and hair? The heat and chemical processing you put your hair and nails through takes a toll on their strength. Over time they become brittle, dry and prone to breakage. Even worse, some hair dyes are known carcinogens.[7]

Don’t Skimp on the Beauty Sleep

Prioritize sleep. Your overloaded schedule probably eats into the only “spare” time you have: your beauty sleep. And those dark under-eye circles are the least of your worries. You can see the proof looking back at you in the mirror after a rough night’s sleep. Missing out on a few hours of sleep sets off a cascade of hormonal changes that negatively affect how your cells function and how you feel throughout the day.[8]

Give yourself a realistic bedtime. Put your tablet down, charge your phone, close your laptop, and turn off the television a couple of hours before your bedtime to get your mind ready for sleep.

Protect Your Skin From Environmental Damage

Overexposure to the sun, smoke, airborne toxins, and the chlorine in water can lead to a loss of luster and elasticity that ages your appearance. Freezing cold weather tends to be dry, leading to cracked, even bleeding, hands, lips, and cuticles.

Smoking is one of the surest ways to age your skin. Exposure to tobacco smoke decreases your production of collagen and damages your skin’s elasticity.[9]

Natural Self Care

If you want to take better care of yourself, start exploring natural ways to keep your routine. I know beauty products are expensive. You don’t have to throw out your entire makeup bag today—start small. Swap in new, natural products whenever you run low on your normal cosmetics. Work your way through your hair, skin, and nail care products and rituals.

Consider dry brushing before your next shower. Dry brushing will help loosen dead skin and push your lymph fluid back into circulation. When you bathe, limit your exposure to excessively hot water in the shower. The next time you bathe, ask yourself if you’re washing your hair and skin out of habit, or if you genuinely need to wash, rinse, and repeat. You might just need a thorough rinse rather than a good scrubbing. For healthy nails, try to limit your showers to 15 minutes to keep your nails strong. Excessively long showers temporarily oversaturate nails and make them more prone to bending and tearing. Immediately after bathing, make sure you moisturize with organic products to seal in moisture. Don’t forget your hands, feet, and elbows.

Organic Beauty

Proper nutrition should be your first thought when you want to grow healthy hair, skin, and nails. B-complex vitamins are not only essential for overall health, they’re vital for nail and hair strength. VeganSafe™ B-12 helps support healthy hair and nail growth and strength.

For truly remarkable hair, skin, and nails you should take an inside-out approach to beauty. Eat foods rich in beauty-boosting vitamins and take supplements to fill in the gaps. My favorite plant-based approach is taking our biotin supplement. Once you’ve nourished yourself from the inside, you can shift focus to the outside with Parfait Visage®. It’s a luxury face cream formulated with essential oils and handcrafted in small batches so you can put your best face forward.

What’s your strategy for promoting healthy hair, skin, and nails? Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

The post The Secrets to Healthy Hair, Skin, and Nails appeared first on Dr. Group's Healthy Living Articles.



source https://www.globalhealingcenter.com/natural-health/secrets-to-healthy-hair-skin-nails/

Friday, 26 May 2017

5 Unexpected Tips for High Energy Nutrition – Video with Emily Rosen

For so many people, having more energy is at the top of the wish list. As full as our schedules may be, we often feel like we could be doing more, if only we had more energy. For this reason, the marketplace is filled with supplements, beverages, and bars that promise a quick energy fix, but these won’t sustain you for the long term. So if you’ve been looking for ways to boost your energy so that you can get more out of life, then please join Emily Rosen, Director of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, as she shares 5 out-of-the-box nutritional techniques to raise your energy level in a way that’s healthy and sustainable. These tips may surprise you, but give them a try and you’ll soon find yourself with energy to spare.

In the comments below, please let us know your thoughts. We love hearing from you and we read and respond to every comment!

Here is a transcript of this week’s video:

One of the most common questions I hear amongst people who are interested in better nutrition is “how can I have more energy?” Rather than recommending an energy drink or an exotic supplement, I’d like to offer these five seldom talked about tips that can help you tap into healthy energy sources that truly last:

1. Eat to the point of energy

Most people eat until they feel full. This makes sense. But with this technique, rather than eating until you’re filled with food, you eat until you feel filled with energy. The yogis of old postulated that there’s a point in any meal where you can stop eating and walk away from the table with more energy. It takes a little practice to finish your meal still feeling a little hungry, but it’s the kind of hungry that can easily be translated into a hunger to do the next thing.

2. Assimilate the beautiful

One of the key goals of digestion is to assimilate “stuff” that the body needs. The whole of our biology is actually designed to absorb from the environment that which supports life. But here’s the challenge: we are more than just a mere biological machine that uses food for fuel. We need love. We need meaning. And interestingly enough, we need beauty. You won’t read about the nutritional value of beauty in any textbook, but don’t let that fool you. Our 5 senses are hungry to drink in the beauty of the world. When we fail to assimilate the beauty that the world is giving us, we get hungry for all the wrong things. The science of Mind Body Nutrition teaches us that the more we can recognize and acknowledge the beauty in our lives, the more fulfilled we become – and the less disordered our eating will be.

3. Make your life more sugary

Evolution has designed us to like sweet things. You have more sweet taste buds than any other kind of taste bud. And this is good. Imagine if we lived on a planet where everything tasted bitter or bland. Wouldn’t you choose the planet with the sugar and agree to simply deal with the challenges of getting hooked on sweets? Dynamic Eating Psychology teaches us that the mind and body exist on a continuum where they influence one another. So yes, our biology recognizes sweetness – but so do our heart and soul. Sometimes we use sugar as a substitute for a life that’s not quite as sweet as it could be. If you want more energy, and you want to let go of the metabolic fatigue caused by too much sugar in the diet, start noticing the sweetness that’s already present in your life. Then add a little more sweetness to everything that you give to the world. Be the sweetness that you want to taste.

4. Be hungry

I’ve noticed that when we’re well fed, we can do more. Then again, if we’re too full, it’s couch potato time and little gets done. So here’s a nutritional recommendation for having more energy that may seem a little paradoxical: be hungry. What I mean is this – be hungry for life. Be hungry to track down your purpose and your destiny. Be hungry to give your gift to others. Be hungry for a better world. As you become more aware of your hunger for life, your hunger for food finds its proper and natural place. You stop fearing your hunger because you’ve actually learned how to welcome it and honor it. Hunger gives us energy. The desire to be fed with a full and complete life ignites a fire in us that can light up the world.

5. Don’t just eat food, be food

The study of nutrition is all about the chemical makeup of your food and the science of how you digest it. We are the eaters, and food is what we eat. But if you take a look around you, you might just notice that everything is food for everything else. Plants eat the soil, animals eat the plants, animals eat animals, humans eat all sorts of things, and eventually each one of us will likely find ourselves becoming a meal for all sorts of microscopic critters. But what if you considered your entire life as the meal? Let the world consume you, digest you, and be nourished by all the contributions that you came here to make. In this way, you’ll be a perfectly digested and life-giving nutritional contribution to the world body. You won’t just have energy – you’ll BE energy.

Warmly,

Emily Rosen

To learn more about the breakthrough body of work we teach here at the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, please sign up for our free video training series at ipe.tips. You’ll learn about the cutting-edge principles of Dynamic Eating Psychology and Mind Body Nutrition that have helped millions forever transform their relationship with food, body, and health. Lastly, we want to make sure you’re aware of our two premier offerings. Our Eating Psychology Coach Certification Training is an 8 month distance learning program that you can take from anywhere in the world to launch a new career or to augment an already existing health practice. And Transform Your Relationship with Food is our 8 week online program for anyone looking to take a big leap forward with food and body.

NOW AVAILABLE: SPECIAL 10TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION

The Slow Down Diet: Eating for Pleasure, Energy, and Weight Loss

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source http://psychologyofeating.com/5-unexpected-tips-for-high-energy-nutrition-video-with-emily-rosen/

Gluten Sensitivity Made Simple – Video with Marc David

Gluten is one of the hottest topics in the nutrition world today, and one of the most controversial. It sometimes seems like each of the experts is saying something different, and to top it all off, they’re using terms that sound similar but aren’t quite the same. Some people talk about gluten allergies or sensitivities that affect some people but not others, while others claim that gluten is toxic and no one should consume it at all. Why has a simple protein such as wheat gluten become the center of attention in recent years, and what does all this mean for you? In this fascinating new video from IPEtv, Marc David lays it all out in clear, straightforward terms. If you’ve ever wondered what exactly gluten is, why it’s supposed to be bad, and how to determine if you should be reducing your intake of this common ingredient, you won’t want to miss this video. You’ll come away with a solid understanding of the different forms of gluten sensitivity and some practical strategies for deciding how large a role gluten should play in your diet.

In the comments below, please let us know your thoughts. We love hearing from you and we read and respond to every comment!

Here is a transcript of this week’s video:

Greetings, friends. I’m Marc David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. Let’s talk about what’s up with gluten.

Now, I’m going to share with you what I think you need to know in a handful of minutes or less what you need to know about this gluten business because people are hearing gluten allergy, gluten sensitivity, gluten is bad for you. And there’s a lot of controversy in science and medicine and on the airwaves right now about what to do about gluten.

So let me lay it out for you. And I’m going to try to really hit the target here.

So gluten is the protein component of wheat and several other grains.

So if you’re eating bread, pasta, cookies, cakes, muffins, all that sort of thing, you’re getting gluten. It’s the protein component of the wheat.

Now, this is a fascinating kind of study because when you look at human history, things like wheat are roughly about 16,000 years old. So when we go back into the historic record, like when did we first have wheat in the diet, it was 16,000 years ago. That seems like a long time. But it’s a blink of an eye in the development of human history, in the development of the human body.

Okay, so eating wheat is kind of like a genetic experiment that’s about 16,000 years old. Now, when someone is allergic to a food, when you hear, “You have a food allergy,” what science is saying is that you are reacting to the protein component of that food. And food allergies are a well-proven, undisputed phenomenon. We know they exist.

Now, for decades, scientists, clinicians have considered gluten one of the most common allergenic substances, especially for children. So literally when allergy experts… And this is since the 1940s, started talking about food allergies, they identified gluten a long time ago.

Here’s what you need to know. Food allergies are not an on-or-off, you either have it or you don’t. They can exist on a spectrum. So it’s not an all or nothing experience, meaning you can have an extreme reaction to something like gluten. And the most extreme is called celiac disease where the body cannot even handle it and it goes into absolute breakdown.

Or you can have moderate or mild reactions to a substance. This is what life is like. Some of us react to the sun. Some of us can soak tons of it in. So we all have sensitivities to things that exist on a spectrum.

Now, gluten sensitivity…

So if you are allergic or sensitive to gluten, it can mimic just about any symptom you can imagine.

This is what is blowing the minds of scientists and clinicians. So gluten sensitivity and gluten allergies can mimic joint pain. It can give you joint pain, digestive upset, brain fog, depression. It will cause these things for some people. Depression, asthma, low energy, low sex drive, attention deficit, thyroid issues, autoimmune disease, believe it or not, dental issues, weight gain, headaches, skin problems, a ton of hormonal imbalances. And that’s just scratching the surface of the list.

Now, some of the leading edge researchers in the field will tell you that they believe that approximately 40% of the population is on some part of the gluten sensitivity continuum. Now, this is bizarre because what they’re saying is 40% of humans are reacting to pizza, to bagels, to bread, to pasta, to cookies. And this is kind of what we eat. This is what we’ve been feeding our kids for just about forever. So, oh my goodness, what do you do? It’s like, “I’m not gluten sensitive. I’m not going do anything about that.”

So here’s what I want to tell you. The best way to know – and you can get tested for this, but you have to get the right kind of test – but the best way to know, the gold standard to determine if you’re gluten sensitive in any way, shape, or for them is to eliminate it from your diet for several weeks. Take two weeks. Eliminate as much gluten as you can. And then see how you feel.

Did you have any symptoms that went away? Do you have more energy? Do you have less pain? Is your brain less foggy? How do you feel in the morning? Is your sleep better? Did you notice yourself losing weight? Did your digestion improve? These are some of the common things that people notice sometimes within days. Then after those two weeks, you introduce gluten back into your diet. And then you see if those symptoms come back.

So what I’m trying to tell you is instead of getting caught up in all the controversies – “Well, I don’t believe in that” – prove it to yourself, because this body, this is the proving ground. Your body is the proving ground. Your body is a laboratory. Be an inspired scientist. Get curious.

Experiment on your own body and see what happens.

That’s where the rubber meets the road. That’s the gold standard to determine does this work, does this not work in my body?

I want to tell you after three decades in this field, I can say that this is one of the more powerful nutritional experiments you could do with one of the biggest nutritional upsides, one of the biggest health upsides possible. I’ve just noticed this. And, trust me, I was raised on bread, pasta, cookies, pizza, bagels. I didn’t want to know that I was gluten sensitive. And I eliminated it from my diet and changed my life.

Does that mean you can never eat it again? No. You find the place where it works for you, where it doesn’t work for you. You figure it out. It’s a journey. It’s a process. But think about it. Isn’t it amazing that you can change your diet and experiment in that way and your body changes in symptoms go away?

Because, my friends, this is not about you or me trying to limit you or me or anyone else. I’m not trying to tell you, “Oh, don’t eat that. It’s bad for you.” Get that out of your mind. What I want you to hear is how can we as human beings be the most amazing metabolic creatures possible? How can I reach my evolutionary potential such that when I wake up in the morning, I have energy? Such that I’m not overloading myself with symptoms that I don’t need? How can I take my own DNA and work with it so it can be the best possible force of nature that it can? That’s what we’re talking about here. It’s maximizing the potential of you, of your body.

And that, my friends, is the magic of life.

Warmly,
Marc David

To learn more about the breakthrough body of work we teach here at the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, please sign up for our free video training series at ipe.tips. You’ll learn about the cutting-edge principles of Dynamic Eating Psychology and Mind Body Nutrition that have helped millions forever transform their relationship with food, body, and health. Lastly, we want to make sure you’re aware of our two premier offerings. Our Eating Psychology Coach Certification Training is an 8 month distance learning program that you can take from anywhere in the world to launch a new career or to augment an already existing health practice. And Transform Your Relationship with Food is our 8 week online program for anyone looking to take a big leap forward with food and body.

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source http://psychologyofeating.com/gluten-sensitivity-made-simple-video-with-marc-david/

Thursday, 25 May 2017

What Are Coenzymes and How Are They Vital to Your Health?

Coenzymes are small molecules that are attached to an inactive enzyme called apoenzyme.

Coenzymes are required in many enzymatic and metabolic processes in your body, in plants, and in animals. Without coenzymes, inactive enzymes would be unable to convert into their active forms to catalyze reactions, such as breaking down food molecules for energy. Coenzymes are essential for normal and specialized cellular functions and your overall health. One of the reasons vitamins are so integral to your health is because many coenzymes are synthesized using vitamins. Some of the more well-known coenzymes you may have heard of include coenzyme Q-10 (CoQ) and coenzyme A (CoA).

What Are Coenzymes?

Coenzymes, sometimes called cosubstrates, are organic nonprotein cofactors that help enzymes drive chemical reactions in the body. Coenzymes are not enzymes—they are simply small molecules that loosely attach themselves to an inactive enzyme, called an apoenzyme. Not all enzymes require cofactors to perform their chemical reactions.

The relationship between coenzymes and enzymes is a bit like that between lock and key. The apoenzyme is the lock, and the coenzyme is the key. Only certain keys (coenzymes) will fit certain locks, the active site on apoenzymes in this metaphor. The unique fit of the active sites on apoenzymes ensures only the correct coenzymes will fit and work.

How Coenzymes Function

The temporary binding between coenzymes and their apoenzymes means coenzymes can easily detach themselves from the enzyme after a biochemical reaction occurs. These small organic cofactors can then take part in further enzymatic reactions.

The other type of cofactors, called prosthetic groups, work in much the same way as coenzymes. The main difference between coenzymes and prosthetic groups is that prosthetic groups are typically metal ions. These cofactors bind much more tightly, using covalent bonds, to their apoenzymes and, unlike coenzymes, cannot detach themselves easily from the enzyme. Once the cofactor, either the coenzyme or prosthetic group, and apoenzyme have formed a cofactor-enzyme complex, it becomes a holoenzyme. This is the active form of an enzyme.

But coenzymes do more than just help enzymes function. They can help transfer compounds between enzymes. This is often a successive process, with every enzyme reaction slightly modifying the original molecule along the enzyme pathway. Coenzymes also help attract the correct compounds and repel incorrect compounds to the active site of their enzyme. This is an important function of coenzymes because of a phenomenon called competitive inhibition.

In competitive inhibition, the wrong compound binds to an enzyme’s active site, preventing the enzyme from carrying out its duty.[1] This mechanism helps control the actions of the enzyme when it’s not needed.

Why Are Coenzymes Essential?

If you’ve ever wondered why certain conditions develop as a result of vitamin deficiencies, one answer is that some vitamins are converted into coenzymes. In the absence of those vitamins, some enzymes won’t be able to perform their duties correctly or at all. This is why certain forms of vitamins are better than others and why some vitamins are considered metabolically inactive.

Coenzymes are largely responsible for the transfer of functional groups (active sections or arms of chemical compounds), electrons, hydrogens, and energy. Some even enhance the stability or reactivity of an enzyme’s product.[2, 3]

Coenzyme Enzyme Vitamin Precursor Function
Methylcobalamin (B-12)[4] Methionine synthase and others B-12 Transfers the methyl group[7]
NAD (Nicotinamide adenine dinucleotide)[5] Malate Dehydrogenase, pyruvate dehydrogenase and others B6[6] Transfers electrons and hydrogen atoms[7]
FAD (Flavin adenine dinucleotide)[5] D-lactate dehydrogenase and others B2[6] Transfers electrons and hydrogen atoms[7]
Coenzyme Q (ubiquinone)[5] Cytochrome c — oxidoreductase ad others B5[6] Transfers electrons and hydrogen atoms[7]
Biotin[5] Propionyl-CoA carboxylase and others Biotin[6] Carries carboxyl groups[8]

How to Support Proper Enzymatic Function

When you’re not properly nourished, your cells can’t make the products they need or run the processes they need to maintain your health. Many diseases and conditions can arise from nutritional deficiencies. Coenzymes function at the molecular level, but their importance resonates throughout the body. This is why coenzymes and their vitamin precursors are so important to your health. Moreover, it’s essential to get the proper, active forms of these vitamins, which are found naturally in whole, plant foods. Peanuts, tree nuts, and beans are healthy vegan sources of these vital nutrients.

A notable exception is the most active form of vitamin B-12. There are many inactive forms of B-12, which are functionally useless to your enzymes. To ensure you get the correct cofactor form of vitamin B-12, check the label for methylcobalamin. Your body uses this coenzyme to detoxify your tissues of excess homocysteine by converting it into methionine, an essential amino acid.[9] Adenosylcobalamin is another form of B-12 that’s vital to the metabolism of proteins and fats.[10] Because these two cobalamins are so important to vascular, brain, and metabolic health, we formulated VeganSafe™ B-12 with 80% methylcobalamin and 20% adenosylcobalamin. These are highly bioavailable forms and they don’t require processing once in your cells, making them readily usable for enzymatic reactions.

The post What Are Coenzymes and How Are They Vital to Your Health? appeared first on Dr. Group's Healthy Living Articles.



source http://www.globalhealingcenter.com/natural-health/what-are-coenzymes/

Tuesday, 23 May 2017

Psychology of Eating Podcast: Episode #211 – Binge Eating & Emotional Eating: What To Do?

Leslie, 58, finds herself on a continuous hunt for happiness as she opens up to Marc David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, about her use of overeating to disconnect. By digging deeper into relationship with Mom and Dad, the loss of her own child, and where all the past has brought her in the present, Marc and Leslie take a journey of discovery around what happiness might look like to her, some good practices moving forward, and letting go of past disappointments by starting with a true, deep self love.


Below is a transcript of this podcast episode:

Marc: Welcome, everybody. I’m Marc David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. We are back in the Psychology of Eating podcast. I am with Leslie today. Welcome, Ms. Leslie.

Leslie: Thank you. Thank you.

Marc: I’m glad we’re here and I’m glad we’re doing this. And let me just say a couple words to viewers and listeners. If you’re new to this podcast, it’s real easy and real straightforward. Leslie and I have never officially met until a minute or two ago, and we’re going to do a session and see if we can push the fast-forward button on a little bit of change and transformation and try to do some good work.
So, Leslie, if you could wave your magic wand and if you can get whatever you wanted out of that time together, please tell me what would that look like for you?

Leslie: That I would be able to let go of a lot of things that I’ve held onto for a long time, just let go of some things that I haven’t—I’ve worked hard, tried to let go of them, and haven’t been able to do it.

Marc: Mmhmm. Is there anything that’s related to you in terms of food, body that you would like to see shift? Give me some information about that.

Leslie: Yes. I can eat a horrendous amount of food. I can eat and disconnect from myself. I didn’t know that’s what I was doing until now, but I disconnect from myself when I eat. I’d really like to be able to get through that. And I’m starting to understand it now but to really see where that comes from and understand where that comes from.

I’ve struggled with my weight. People will say, “Oh, you don’t look like you’re overweight.” To me, it isn’t about my weight. It’s about how I feel about my weight. I would just like to be able to put some of this behind me.

Marc: Mmhmm. So when you first answered my question and I said, “If you could wave your magic wand, what would you get?” you first said, “Yeah, there’s some things I would love to just kind of let go of. I’ve tried to let go of. I couldn’t.” I asked you about the food piece. You told me, “Ok, yeah. I could just eat a horrendous amount of food. I could maybe check out a little bit.”

Is there a connection that you’ve drawn between things you want to let go of and your eating?

Leslie: When I think of my past and started to relate how my past is affecting what I’m feeling when I eat, I don’t know how to let go of that, let go of those things. I start questioning now, is that why I’m doing this? Is that why I’m eating and overeating? I just question it constantly and haven’t figured out how to put it together. I haven’t been able to put that together, but I know it’s there. I know that that’s there, that those are some of the reasons I’m overeating. But I don’t know how to fight it. It seems like I need to fight it or figure out how to do it.

Marc: Got it. Sure. That makes sense to me. So, assuming you’ve fought it however you need to fight it, assuming you win, you’ve defeated, you’re the world champion here, what is the new Leslie like? What’s different? So let’s say you got where you wanted to go. Who is this person?

Leslie: This person would be someone who loves not just herself but every day. Loves—I can’t say I love to eat or I love food. I would like to be able to love it and not need it. Love it and be able to eat and not feel like I need to overeat. Okay, again, I would like to be able to love food, love life, love every day, and things would flow and I would be happy. I’ve seen it.

I’m thinking of someone particular that does this. She loves food. She never overeats. She’s happy all the time. Not that I want to be her, but I see that she’s got it. She has this peace about her that I would love. I would love to be able to have that peace. Does it take meditation? What is it going to take for me to be able to become that and have that kind of relaxation in my life?

Marc: Great question. I really like that question. We’re going to circle back to that at some point. Is this a person that you know personally?

Leslie: Mmhmm. Very much so. Yes.

Marc: Uh-huh. So in your opinion—I’m not looking for a right answer—if you had to guess, how do you think she got to this lovely place?

Leslie: She’s been that way forever. She’s been that way. She’s always been that way. I don’t think that there was one thing that all of a sudden she woke up one day and she’s just become this person. But she’s always been that way.

Marc: Got it.

Leslie: So I know that’s going to be a struggle, but I do think it’s possible to have that.
Marc: Got it. Got it. Got it. So let’s come back to a minute. You said, “Huh, maybe these things that I can’t let go of might be impacting my overeating.” Are you willing to share what you think those pieces might be that you think might be related? Yeah, tell me.

Leslie: My father. Let’s talk about father, mother really quickly. My father was an artist, very abstract artist in Denver. I never could live up to that. I could never live up to that. I never was artsy like he would’ve liked me to be. So I’ve always had that in the back of my mind, and then as far as my mother is concerned, I don’t remember my mother as a child. I almost don’t even remember her as a child. She was always disconnected, always distant. I always felt like I was the third child, and I was the third one out.

The oldest child got this. The next one because he was a boy got that. And here I was and then there was the baby. So I always felt that way. I’ve always felt that way. So I don’t think I always overate, but as I got older, I learned to cope with it with food. All those emotions, all those feelings, pretty soon I’m eating constantly. I probably was at one point 30 pounds heavier than I am now, but I’ve learned how to—I lost it and then I’ve learned how to gain and lose 10 pounds, 10 pounds, 10 pounds, which to me is not about the weight. It’s how I’m feeling. So again, so I had those pieces growing up.

Then, as I got older, I got married and had children. Well, my daughter died. So it’s been 10 years, my daughter died in a car accident. And I’ve dealt with it, but again, every time I eat there’s those emotions of everything. Raising my son by myself. It’s just been a struggle, and I can overeat. I can eat a horrendous amount of food. But then the next day, I don’t eat. I can’t find a happy medium with eating three meals, feeling good about it. It doesn’t exist. I can’t do it. I haven’t been able to do it. I don’t want to say can’t. I just haven’t been able to do it.

Marc: Are there times when just kind of accidentally you have a good couple of days or a good week or it just seems like it’s been a little bit better for this day two or three? Does that ever happen?

Leslie: More so now because of what I’m doing with you. I do find myself being able to relax more where I haven’t been able to. I haven’t been able to relax. Relaxing helps a lot. And I work out all the time. I work out all the time. I’m always working out. I’m always looking for those endorphins to make myself feel better. And I can achieve that, but again, it’s not happiness. I’m constantly fighting it. I’m constantly fighting it.

Marc: Got it. So are your parents still alive?

Leslie: No, they aren’t.

Marc: How long ago did they pass?

Leslie: My dad passed away about 12-13 years ago, and my mom passed away about three years ago. My dad grew up a very orthodox Jew, a very, very orthodox Jew. And then as he got older and became an artist and went to school in Boulder and became an artist, he gave up all of his religion. And I struggled with that for a long time because my mother was very Catholic. So we had a real intense life between…
But as we got older, we did both. My dad’s parents accepted us, but it took a while. It took a long time. But I always fought that. I always struggled with that because I always felt like something was missing, that spiritual piece. And again, this girl, this friend of mine is very spiritual. Sometimes I feel like that spirituality doesn’t exist in my head. I try. I try to be this spiritual person, and I struggle with that because sometimes I just can’t find it. I can’t find that spirituality. I grew up Catholic and Jewish, so how do I deal with that?

Marc: Yeah. That’s a conundrum for sure. Are you in a relationship nowadays?
Leslie: No, I’m divorced as of last May. I’m divorced for the second time, so it’s my second divorce. And I’m living with someone right now. My son went to college. I sent my only son, my only child, off to college, and it was really, really difficult. Really difficult. That was last May.

Then, I wanted to do this with you, so I chose to house-sit for six months and not have a home so can afford to do this. So I’m house-sitting right now in someone else’s home. So there’s a lot of things going on right now, a lot of emotions, a lot of struggles. And that’s why when I have my own home and I can feel comfortable, I feel in control. Right now, I don’t feel any of that. I know I will eventually. I will. Once this is done, I’ll be able to move forward, and I know I will be able to move forward.

But there’s so many variables right now. It’s so emotional. Everything is so emotional, and I eat out of emotions. It’s not about hunger. It isn’t about hunger at all right now.

Marc: So what helps you in general? In general, what helps you feel good?

Leslie: I feel good when I’m—I don’t know. Do I say when I exercise? When I can be in nature? When I can walk? I can walk seven miles at a time, and I’ll keep walking. I’ll walk and walk and walk and walk. And sometimes I just feel like, “Oh, no. I’ve got to turn around sometime.” And all of a sudden, it’s seven miles later. I just am walking and walking. And it’s in a very rural area. I’m in a very rural area.

So there’s a lot of nature, and it’s beautiful. I do feel good when I’m in nature. I do. I work with kids every day. I love working with kids. So I’m doing that right now. And I love that. I love what I do. Moneywise, it’s not the best. That’s one of the struggles too. And nature is good.

Marc: So two years from now, where would you like to see yourself?

Leslie: I would like to see myself owning my own home which that’s a possibility. Being in control of my life, being in control of my eating, and just emotionally stronger than I am right now. I don’t feel stronger. I don’t know why I feel the need to be strong, but I do. There’s that, “I’m going to be strong. I can handle this. I can do this.” And when I don’t feel that way, I feel defeated. I feel defeated when I’m not feeling strong. I feel like a failure.

There’s a lot of that failure thing, huge. I failed my daughter. I failed this. I failed my relationships. There is a lot of, “I want to eat. I want to be fat so no one’s attracted to me. I don’t want anybody attracted to me.” That’s why I smoked for years to. I haven’t smoked in a long time, 27 years. But I remember putting that smoke—I didn’t want anybody around me. I wanted to be heavy. I wanted everybody to stay away from me, so I didn’t have to deal with relationships. I still feel that a lot. I still feel it.

Marc: Would you consider yourself—if I had to say choose one, are you an extrovert or an introvert? You’ve got to choose one.

Leslie: I think I’m an introvert. I think I’m an introvert. People I’m around say, “Oh, no. You’re not.” I have high anxiety being around people, high anxiety. I used to just leave parties. I’d walk. I’ve done that for my whole life. I’m not comfortable walking into somewhere by myself. I don’t want to go anywhere by myself. I’m so uncomfortable being around people in a group. I owned a kids’ camp, a kids’ horse camp. I can stand up—150 people and parents—and, oh, it’s great. I can do that. Put me in one-on-one going into a place, small, I’m very uncomfortable, very uncomfortable. So, no, I think I’m an introvert. I do. Not everybody feels that way. People say, “Oh, no. You’re not.” Yes, I feel that way. I feel an introvert.
Marc: Yeah, it’s kind of an unfair question because it sounds like your experience is you’re an introvert. People experience you as an extrovert. That’s kind of what I would’ve guessed.

Leslie: Oh, okay.

Marc: Yeah. When you think of your parents these days—here’s another unfair question. Sum up in a sentence or less, when I think about my dad—a sentence or less—what I think of is…

Leslie: I think of a man that wanted my happiness, but at the same time, he wished I was somebody else or wished I would be something else. Everything I did he would say, “Are you sure you’re doing that for the right reason?” I went to Europe. “Are you sure you’re going for the right reasons? Are you sure you’re getting married for the right reasons? Are you sure you’re moving to Minnesota to run a kids’ camp—are you doing it for the right reasons?” He was never happy with what I was doing. I didn’t go to college right away out of school.

He never encouraged me to go to college. Never encouraged me to go to college. My parents didn’t. I didn’t go. My brother did. He became the artist.

Marc: So aside from, gosh, he never encouraged you to do this. He always asked you these questions, “Are you sure you’re doing this right? Are you sure you should do that?” Did you experience that he loved you?
Leslie: I experienced more that he loved my children or my daughter than he loved me. Once I had my daughter, oh, he loved me a lot because he loved her a lot.

Marc: Got it.

Leslie: A lot.

Marc: So when you think about your mom, same question. When you think about your mom, one sentence. What comes to mind is…?

Leslie: She was just cold. She was cold growing up. She was cold. But once I had children, it was a whole different grandma. I was a whole different person once I had children. But, yeah, she was just cold. And as I got older, I learned why. There were a lot of reasons why. She had seven brothers and sisters, and it was an Italian family in north Denver. And they didn’t have much.

By the time they had gotten to my mom, she wasn’t even wanted in the family. So my mom was always one of those you were to be seen and not heard. That’s the way I grew up. And again, she didn’t encourage me to go to school. When I think of what I’ve done for my son to encourage him to go to school is huge comparatively. And I never got that. Never got that. It’s driven me to be completely different. I push myself to be different than them with my children, and I have.

Marc: Okay. So, Ms. Leslie, I’ve got some thoughts I would love to share with you. I appreciate you answering all of my questions so honestly. And just a couple of general comments first and then we’ll sort of dive down a little bit more into what I’m going to call just sort of some of the architecture of what I see happening for you. In general, you’ve taken a couple of hard hits in life that are difficult to come back from, quite honestly.

One of the more difficult challenges I’ve observed as a human being when I have watched other human beings is sort of moving on and integrating from the death of a child. Our children are supposed to die after us, not before us. And there’s no explanation, and on a lot of levels, there’s never a true getting over it. There’s never peace in the traditional ways that I think we like to experience peace. It’s hard to come by that.

So from that perspective, adding that onto your start in the world feels like, from what you’ve said to me, it feels like, “I didn’t really feel wanted. I wasn’t made to feel wanted. Even when I was around, I wasn’t really made to feel that interesting or important.” If you’re important, you would’ve been encouraged to do this, that, and the other thing. You would’ve been encouraged to go to college. At least that’s the message that came through to you. That’s what you absorbed. Some of that is probably correct. Your parents had their minds and their attention elsewhere. Probably more important, their understanding wasn’t enough. Their understanding wasn’t enough to kind of give you the launch that you needed.
So you’ve had a difficult road, plus having an eating challenge that you’ve been dealing with for how long would you say?

Leslie: I’ll bet I’ve been dealing with this for 40 years.

Marc: Okay.

Leslie: Okay. Because I’m almost 60, so probably 40 years.

Marc: You’re almost 60. How old are you?

Leslie: 58.

Marc: 58. Okay. That’s 58. You’ve got a couple years. So given your difficult road, it takes a lot. It takes a lot at this stage to kind of make the journey be different than it’s been, and I know that that’s what you want. So the journey’s had a certain quality to it. The road’s had a certain quality to it, not fun, not easy, not good. You want to change that. And you’re working hard to change that. So far, little pieces of success, not the big success that you’re looking for.

Leslie: No.

Marc: In part, from my understanding of what you’ve said, you have certain measures, as we all do, of what success looks like. More importantly, way more importantly, you have a very strong idea of what success feels like. To you, success feels like “I’m happy! I’m happy. I’m not like this other lady who I can be which is depressed or morose or feel like, damn, grumble grumble. I’m just happy. In fact, it looks like this person I know.”

Leslie: Exactly.

Marc: It looks just like that because she’s—of course I don’t want to be her. I want to be me, but I want to be like that.

Leslie: Exactly.

Marc: I just want to be happy. And then if I’m happy, then it’s good. Now, there’s another piece for you that this feels like that’s important as well which is you believe that if I feel strong in this struggle, that’s good, because strong people survive. Weak people get eaten by things. So when you are not strong, that is kind of like a little bit of an alarm button goes off in your head. Danger, danger, danger. Bad, bad, bad.

Leslie: Yes.

Marc: When you’re not happy, there’s another alarm that goes off in your head: not happy, not happy, not happy. Do something.

Leslie: Yes, eat.

Marc: Yeah.

Leslie: Yeah.

Marc: So we’re going to do a whole different strategy than you’ve been doing before.

Leslie: Okay.

Marc: The reason why we’re going to do a whole different strategy, the reason why I would like you to do a whole different strategy is because you’re a smart lady. You know yourself better than anyone. You’ve been through life. You’ve been through a lot. You’re 58 years old. You’re a qualified human being to know a lot about life. You and I can agree that if we do something for 40 years and it ain’t working, it’s time to do something different.

Leslie: Exactly.

Marc: Okay.

Leslie: Exactly.

Marc: It’s just logical. So here’s the core of what we’re going to do different and just bear with me here because we’re going to roll out the details of this in a little bit. But I want you to start to consider that your measurements of success are holding you back. In fact, your measurements of success, because they’re not attainable in the way you think they should be attainable you keep on failing. And because you keep on failing, according to your own measures, then it gets worse and worse and worse. And you feel more and more like a failure which is going to make you more and more want to overeat because now you feel even worse kind of than when you started.

When you started, you feel bad enough, but then you put in this effort, you earnestly put in effort. And when you earnestly put in effort and it doesn’t deliver for you, that hurts. All of us. All of us.

Leslie: Yes.

Marc: If we work hard to do something and it doesn’t work out, it sucks.

Leslie: Yes.

Marc: Because I worked hard. Come on, God, like, give me some goodies here.

Leslie: Yes.

Marc: Yeah. So I’m with you. So one of the big challenges is that you have a concept of success that’s not quite accurate around the human existence and how we are. So what I want you to do is to consider letting go of being happy. Just hang in there with me for a second.

Leslie: Okay.

Marc: Hang in there. I want you to consider letting go of being happy. I want you to consider letting go of having to be strong. And I want you to give yourself—because you’ve already been working for 40 years, not quite getting where you want to go—so I would like you to give four months to put to the side, not to leave behind, just to put to the side for a little while. You can always pick this up again. Four months where you go, “I’m not going to try to be strong as a goal, and I’m not going to try to be happy as a goal.”

Because what happens is you keep missing that, and as soon as you get evidence that you’re not happy, you go down a bad tunnel. You go into a bad neighborhood.

Leslie: That’s exactly what happens. Exactly.

Marc: Okay. So I am trying to get you to stop going into the dangerous neighborhood because once you get into the dangerous neighborhood, it’s going to be bad for a little while until you get out. So what are you going to do? You’re going to eat. You’re going to stuff yourself. You’re going to come out of it. You’re going to feel bad. Okay. Tomorrow, I’m going to exercise, and I’m not going to eat. And then you’re out of it so to speak.

Leslie: Yes.

Marc: But you’re not. You’re in reaction to what happened. And what happened about the overeating and losing control happened because there’s a trigger in your mind that goes, “Oh, I’m not happy,” or, “Oh, I’m not strong,” or, “Oh, I’m not measuring up to this thing. Failure!” Ding, ding, ding, ding. Self-punish.

Leslie: Yes. And it’s usually about 4 o’clock every day, 4 o’clock.

Marc: So it’s time. So your system is ready for it. And human beings are creatures of habit. So we like repetition. We like predictability, so that makes good sense to me that it would happen in a similar time every day.

Now, what I’m asking you to do is going to be difficult. And it is going to be way more easy than how your life has been showing up for you in the long run. So what I’m saying is it’s difficult—what I’m asking you to do. But the benefits are going to be so good, and it’s going to take a little bit of time to unwind this. Why? Because you will start to feel more your struggle. You will start to feel more of your unhappiness. You will start to feel more of the moments where you feel weak.

Let’s talk about the moments you feel weak, i.e. Not strong. Great. We’re vulnerable humans. We have plenty of moments where I don’t know what to do. This sucks. I’m not strong. I can’t do this alone. I don’t know what the next step is. I surrender. Not I give up. I surrender, meaning I don’t know what to do. And to start to move in that direction as opposed to, “(Gasp), I’m not strong. There’s something wrong with me. I’m not superwoman.” The child in you thinks it has to be super-duper woman.
You invented that somewhere along—actually, you didn’t invent that. The world invented that. You absorbed it. Not your issue. It’s your challenge. You didn’t invent that. Lots of people have that. I’ve got to be superman, superwoman, fill-in-your-blank of what your definition of that is.So your particular definition of you as a superwoman is I’m strong and I’m happy.

Leslie: Yes.

Marc: And I know when I’m strong and I’m happy then I’m going to eat nicely, and I’m not going to overeat. And it’s all going to be good. So what happens is—and you use this languaging. You use languaging like, “I’ve got to fight this thing somehow. I don’t know how to fight it.” That’s what we’re unwinding because you keep trying to fight something that doesn’t go away by fighting it. That’s like if it’s snowing outside you go, “How do I fight this to make it stop?” There’s no fight that makes the snow stop. The snow comes. You shovel it. You drive in it. You dress accordingly.

So what I am saying to you is you have to start befriending you a hell of a lot more. You have to push the reset button. Here’s the hard part, and I mean this. You have to push the reset button on your life, on your life. We have to change your core belief, and the core belief is I have to be happy and I have to be strong in order to be okay in this world. And, no. You’ll be happy when you’re happy. Take it off the table. And just be who you are. You know something? You might have to go through weeks of feeling like garbage sometimes.

Leslie: Mmhmm.

Marc: And it’s okay. Can you love yourself in that? Can you stand by yourself in that? You get very cold with yourself. Who does that remind us of?

Leslie: My mother.

Marc: Right. You get a little cold.

Leslie: Yes. With myself.

Marc: With yourself. Okay. So what’s happening is that you’re—and we do this. We do this until we figure it out. We will continue to live in our parents’ house long after we’re adults and long after they are dead. So there’s the part of you that’s that little girl that came last and it’s like, “Hello?” And you’re functioning and experiencing yourself as if you’re that little girl that doesn’t matter, that’s not measuring up to people’s standards.

So the feeling was I’m not measuring up to my dad’s standards. I’m not measuring up to my dad’s standards. And then after that he doesn’t even have standards for me that would feel good for me.
So you’re continuing that offense. And he didn’t do that purposefully. That’s what he knew to do.

Leslie: Yeah.

Marc: That’s what he knew to do. He truly didn’t know any better.

Leslie: He apologized. He apologized just right before he died.

Marc: And I want to say something to you. In this entire conversation, the time when you to me were most kind of relaxed in your nervous system was the time when you were talking about your dad. The time when you were most relaxed was the time when I asked you in a sentence or less, when you think about your dad, what comes up for you. Your whole energy changed. When you go back and watch this, I just want you to notice that there’s a place in you where there’s a strong connection to him because I think he really loved you in a way that got in, and you don’t always register it. He did the best he could.
Leslie: Yeah.

Marc: He did the best he could. And you do the best you could. You do the best that you can. So we have to start giving credit when we do the best we can. You hold yourself up to such interesting standards that you never measure up. You’re never at a place where, “Oh, okay, I’m acceptable. I’m okay, because I’m not happy, because I’m not strong, because I’m eating like this, I’m eating like that.” And what I want to tell again—let me say this in different words—you keep using signs of unhappiness or weakness as you are failing.

The next time you overeat and you can stop yourself I want you to look at that as a sign that you’ve had a rough road, and you’re doing the best you can. And instead of reacting to this person, Leslie, who overeats and trying to fix that and fight it, it’s just like when your son is a baby and they’re learning how to walk and do what they do, you love them through all their falls and all their cuts and all their bruises and all their stuff. You just keep loving them. You have to give that to you. You have to.
You’ve been withholding it forever, and you keep thinking that if you can conquer this eating thing then you’re going to feel love.

Leslie: Exactly. Yes.

Marc: If I conquer the eating thing, I will feel love. The reason why the eating thing is there in the first place is because you are withholding love from you. You are giving yourself conditional love, and then this causes—so then the eating challenge is just a symptom.

Leslie: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Marc: It’s a symptom, so then you think, “Well, if I change this symptom, then the whole thing changes.” No, no, no, no, no. The symptom is not the problem at all. The overeating is not the problem. I know you want to stop it. I want you to stop it. The way you stop it is you start to—you. This is not for everybody, but this is for you. The way you stop it is you start to make room for it. You stop fighting it. You stop hating the person who’s doing it. You stop trying to fix the person who’s doing it, and you just start to love her. Oh, you overate. Okay. Let’s come sit down on the couch. Let’s come play some music. Let’s go take a walk. Let’s talk to ourselves. Let’s forgive ourselves.

So why do you do it? You do it because you’ve been withholding love for a long time because that’s kind of how you got started out. That’s what it felt like for you. It felt like love was being withheld. And as kids, we don’t know what to do with that. So we try to think, “Well, what do I have to do to be loved?”

Leslie: Yes. Yes. Yes. And I struggle with it. I got in a lot of trouble. I did a lot of things when I was younger. And I grew out of it obviously. I grew out of it. But I did a lot of things to hurt myself over the years one way or another.

Marc: So one of your biggest challenges is going to get and consider this statement. One of your biggest challenges is going to be for you to get more into present time. Okay. There’s a piece of the work to get into present time. So, yeah, there’s a lot from your past that’s kind of got you a little bit. There’s different routes that you can take. You can do more intensive psychotherapy which is a very useful tool to dive into the past to unwind things. So that’s a fine road.

But for you, I’m going to say it’s not necessary. It could work for sure. So it works in my experience, absolutely, with the right kind of help, and it also works without it. It can work without it. So I’m saying to you if you want to not go that route, then you have to constantly breathe yourself into the present.

Leslie: Yes.

Marc: Because the majority of you, and majority might just mean 51% of you, is not in present time. It’s in the past.

Leslie: Yes.

Marc: We need to get 51% of you in present time so your head is above water, because you keep getting pulled back. And it’s one of the reasons why you have a hard time moving forward.
Now, what I want to say to you is in terms of different studies on life cycles. The 58-60 age is a fascinating transition. It’s a fascinating transition. It is a time when we surprisingly are often faced with looking in the mirror and looking back at our life and kind of looking at our suitcase and looking at everything that’s in the suitcase. And we sort of open up the suitcase and you start to look at, okay, what am I carrying here that’s just making this suitcase too heavy? I haven’t worn this in 40 years. I don’t need this. I don’t need it. I don’t need it. What’s not useful to me?

Leslie: Right.

Marc: So this next two years, I want to say to you I want you to consider that it can be a time of transition, and transitions are a time often of chaos. We’re not grounded. If you can accept the nature of a transition, you can have more compassion for yourself. So you don’t own a house right now.

Leslie: No.

Marc: You’re not super settled.

Leslie: No.

Marc: You’re getting your act together financially.

Leslie: Right. Yeah.

Marc: You are still dealing with this food stuff. That’s okay. Good for you. Good for you for taking actions where you go, “Hey, okay. I’m housesitting so I could afford to do certain things that I want to do for myself.” Good for you. Good for you. So all I’m doing over here is I’m raising my hand and saying, “Great step.” That’s a risk. You are taking risks. Why are you taking risks? Because you want some reward.

Leslie: Yes.

Marc: And that’s a good thing. I’m saying good for you. And what I’m saying is that process—I need you to get this. This is the adult in me talking to the adult in you. You’ve got to understand that this shit ain’t easy. So stop this happy nonsense. Stop this happy nonsense. If somebody else is happier than you, good for them. Okay. I’ve got friends like that too. I’m a more watery, inward. I can get really melancholy. I have to have friends around me… I have friends around me specifically who are the ones that find the fun, and they find the parties. And they create good events because I’m not that guy.
Leslie: Exactly. Exactly.

Marc: I’m not that guy. You are not that girl. You are not your friend. You’re not her. You will never be like her. You will be like you. And I think it’s time to start celebrating that you as a person who you just have a different bandwidth. You’ve experienced grief and pain and loss and challenge, and that affects a person. And that’s okay. You don’t have to be happy all the time. You’re tyrannizing yourself by making yourself try to be freaking happy when you’re not happy.

Leslie: I know. You’re right. That’s exactly right. I should be happy.

Marc: That’s like feeling like you’re an introvert, and you go to yourself, “Gee, I’m at this party. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be around all these people. Leave me alone.” You take a walk. What you do is you’re respecting yourself. You’re honoring who you are in that moment. Now, if you said, “(Gasp), I should be an introvert just like my friend,” you’re going to make yourself crazy. “I should be an investment banker just like this one. I should be a 7-foot-tall basketball player.” Come on. You’ve got to stop that. You’ve got to stop that, and you have to start being you.
And you are a very specific package. What happens is because you fundamentally don’t want to be you, you fundamentally want to be this strong, happy person who had a different upbringing. What happens is your brain translates that into “I don’t feel comfortable in this body.”

Leslie: Yeah.

Marc: And you think it’s about your body. It has nothing to do with your body. Of course, you don’t feel comfortable being in your body. You don’t feel comfortable being you.

Leslie: Exactly.

Marc: It has nothing to freaking do with your body. Does it show up as a feeling in your body? Absolutely. Does it show up as not knowing how to regulate food? Absolutely. We can focus on the food, focus on regulating that. There’s probably some few little tricks you can do just to help, but that’s not where the ultimate, ultimate, ultimate action is. The ultimate action which you need to focus on I believe in these next two years while you’re in this powerful transition time where you can give birth to a whole new you.

The thing you’ve got to focus on is starting to embrace who you are and what your journey has been. And even though it hasn’t been easy and even though there’s certain parts of your journey that you object to, you can still love the person who’s been on the journey: you. You have to love the person who’s been on the journey. I love myself even though, even though, even though all this stuff happened.

You need to start making acquaintance with you and befriending you as you are on your own terms. Stop trying to be happy. Nobody cares. The people that love you will love you for who you are. The people that want you to be somebody different. “I don’t like you. I like you when you’re fake happy.” They’re not your friend. They don’t care about you. Cross them off your list. So if you’re worried about what other people think, great. If they think poorly of who you’re being because you’re not feeling super happy and super strong, cross them off your list. Not your friend.

Leslie: Because there are those. There are those.

Marc: Yes. Yes. But this is a gift you have to give to you, to you, to you, to you. And I say this is hard because it is hard because it’s the complete opposite of what you’ve been doing.
Leslie: Yeah.

Marc: I’m asking you to drive your car in a whole different direction. Do you get a sense of what I’m asking you to do?

Leslie: Yes. Yes. And to have someone actually validate what I know… I haven’t been able to love myself. I’ve read a lot of books. I’ve gone through a lot of therapy. I haven’t been able to do it. I haven’t had anybody break it down this way. I haven’t had anybody break it down this way. I’ve always know that love factor is there somewhere, but I’ve never been able to feel it either.

Marc: Yeah. So here’s the other important piece about that. Loving oneself when one has difficulty loving oneself is a practice. It’s not something that you wake up one day and, “Aha! I speak Mandarin Chinese,” or, “Aha! I am now wealthy today. Yesterday, I was not.” It doesn’t work like that. You keep trying to win the freaking lottery, the happiness lotto. I won. I’m happy now!

Leslie: Wake up and go, “Why do I not feel love for myself?”

Marc: Right. So that question right there throws you down a bad rabbit hole, bad neighborhood because it’s the wrong question to yourself. It’s the wrong statement. It would be no different than me waking up every morning and saying, “How come I’m not 21 years old?” That’s what it sounds like. That’s how crazy that is. And then if I ask that question and I get frustrated, I’m getting frustrated for this silly reason. So instead of waking up, saying, “How come I’m not happy?” I want you to wake up and go, “This is me today. How are you doing? How are you feeling?” Oh, yeah, there’s that lady who’s kind of a little bummed. Might be a little depressed. Might have to push herself a little bit today. You know something? Big hug. That’s okay. That’s okay. We go through stuff. Humans go through stuff.

A lot of people have it a lot worse than you and I have it, a lot worse than you have it.

Leslie: Yes.

Marc: You know what I’m talking about.

Leslie: Yes, I do.

Marc: So you’ve got to give that lady that wakes up next to you—you—you’ve got to give her some love in the morning, because she was never getting the love that she wanted growing up. So let’s correct that. Now you can’t correct that by bringing back your parents. There’s nothing to do there.

Leslie: No.

Marc: Nothing to do there. You correct it by giving it to yourself, and that is difficult. It’s difficult because if it was easy you would’ve done it.

Leslie: Right. Right. Right. I didn’t think it would be possible. That’s where I’ve been lately. I’m almost 60 and haven’t been able to grasp it, haven’t been able to find it.

Marc: It’s not possible because what you’re shooting for is this unattainable bulls-eye called, “I’m happy! And there’s no more badness. Huh.” We actually think we’re going to live there. People don’t live there, and the ones that do, God bless them. They’re rare. They’re rare. And plus, you don’t always know what’s going on behind the scenes anyway, and we’re all different. We’re all different. We’re all different. You have to own your own journey.

Leslie: Yes, yes, yes.

Marc: You have to own your own journey, and you have to be okay ultimately. I know this is not easy. But you have to love yourself even though you get depressed, even though you don’t want to continue sometimes, even though this is too hard for you. Even though, “I don’t know how I’m going to get where I want to go.” You have to love that person as if your son called you up and said, “Mom, I’m confused. I don’t know what I want to be. I don’t know what I want to do when I grow up.” You love him. Yeah, you might give him advice. You might give him a hug, whatever. But you would love him through that experience as best as you can. That’s what I’m asking you to do.

You wouldn’t say to him, “Oh, my God, you don’t know what you want to do with your future. Well, once you know what you want to do, you’re going to be so happy. You’re going to wake up, you’re going to be the happiest guy ever. There’s not going to be any problems because you’re going to know this is my future, and that’s what we’re shooting for.” And then every day you get on the phone with him and you go, “Hey, do you know what you want to do now? Did you get there?” That would drive him nuts.
Leslie: Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Marc: So you are on the path called practicing self-love, and it happens in these tiny amounts. Sometimes medium. But you have to celebrate the little, little bitty victories that you get when you treat yourself well, when you love yourself. Loving yourself could look like, “I just overate.” And loving yourself might mean sitting on the couch and taking a few deep breaths and go, “I’m going to forgive myself for this. And you know something? I’m not going to work out like a maniac tomorrow. I’m just going to take a walk.”

You don’t have to work out like a maniac. In fact, if you stop working out like a maniac and start loving your body and how it moves, you will start to get where you want to go so much quicker. Your body is starving for love from you. Your body is starving for you to stop pushing it. Your body is starving for you to stop making it not okay. It just wants to absorb a little love and go, “Thank you.”
Leslie: You’re so right.

Marc: How’re you doing, Ms. Leslie?

Leslie: I’m good. I’m good. I’m good. You hit the nail on the head. Right on the nail. That’s right. It’s been a tough road. It’s been a tough road.

Marc: Yeah, and you’re at the age now where you must be an adult. You must be a queen. You have been functioning in a certain realm in your life as a princess. A princess just wants it all to be nice. I just want to live happily ever after.

Leslie: Exactly. Those were my exact words.

Marc: I know. Nobody’s living happily ever after. Nobody that I know. No one I know, and I know a lot of people.

Leslie: Yeah.

Marc: I know people who have all kind of goodies and everything. Nobody’s living happily ever after.

Leslie: Right.

Marc: It’s okay. It’s not what planet earth is about. We have moments of happiness. We have days of happiness. We have places in us where we can access happiness. That’s just one piece of the human experience.

Leslie: Yes.

Marc: So I want you to remember let go of the tyranny of happiness. I want you to let go of the tyranny of having to be strong and just notice when you’re happy, notice when you’re strong, notice the conditions around that, and let yourself be who you are every day and love that person. And I would love for you to notice what are the small, the smallest acts of kindness that you can do for yourself each day that demonstrate that you’re being loving towards yourself. How would you demonstrate it?

I don’t know what that means for you. It might mean cooking a meal. It might mean taking a walk outside. It might mean speaking to your good friend. What makes you feel, “Oh, I just did something for myself, no matter how small”? I want you to do that every day.

Leslie: Okay. I’ve spent a lot of time taking care of everybody else, and I haven’t done that for myself. It’s always been for Ethan, and it’s always been for somebody else, always.

Marc: Yeah.

Leslie: I’m here, and it’s time to do something for myself.

Marc: It’s your time, and it’s hard because we’ve built up such a habit. Your habit has been “I serve, I give, I do. I’ve been a mother.” That’s a huge role to play in life. And now, here you are at 58, and it’s harder to teach ourselves new tricks.

Leslie: Yes.

Marc: Because we get set in our ways as we get older and that’s the work. And that’s what makes life interesting. And that’s what makes life exciting, and that’s what makes life worth living if you now have a new goal, a new target, a new dream to shoot for. What I’ve been trying to do—I’m just going to remind you again in this conversation. Sometimes we need to hear things a few times. I want to remind you that we’re letting go of impossible standards that you’ve set for yourself that come from a child’s mind that when I’m happy all the time or when I’m strong in all these moments that I’m weak, that’s the measure of success.

And what I’m saying to you is it’s not a measure of success. That’s like you saying, “When I have a billion dollars, that’s the measure of success.” Meanwhile, you might have 100 million, and you feel like garbage. You might have 400 million, and you feel like garbage. And I would be sitting here, thinking,
“Oh my God, this is not good.”

So you don’t have to be happy. You don’t have to be strong. Be those when you are and don’t be those when you’re not.

Leslie: That’s huge.

Marc: Right?

Leslie: That is huge.

Marc: When you’re tired and you want to go to sleep at night, go to sleep. Don’t talk to me at one in the morning and say, “I shouldn’t be tired. This friend has all this energy. She stays up till four in the morning.” Great. Not you.

Leslie: I’d rather sleep. I can go to sleep. I’d rather sleep. I’d rather sleep and I do. I force myself to sleep just so I can quit thinking about things. I’d rather sleep. But you’re right. I think about, “Oh, I should be over there. I should have a lot of energy. I should be happy. I should be over there, but really I’d rather sleep so I can forget about it.”

Marc: So we’re trying to take the wind out of the part of you that is setting these impossible standards and then punishing yourself when you’re not feeling this way. That is in part what keeps the mind chatter going. Your mind is obsessing and attacking you because it’s noticing that you’re constantly falling short. So you’re constantly trying to scan yourself and scan the environment to figure out how to do it better which makes sense. But in the scheme of things, it keeps you going around in a circle.

Leslie: Yeah.

Marc: You will start to notice that the thoughts don’t tyrannize you as you begin to notice the way some of these key beliefs set up failure. Having to be happy all the time as a measure of success, of a life well lived, is a form of tyranny, I’m telling you. It is inaccurate. It is not in alignment with the human experience. Do humans get happier when we become more aware, more conscious? We definitely have that potential, 1000%, because we let go of nonsense. You’re going to actually get happier when you let go of the need to get happier.

Leslie: I’m counting on it.

Marc: Yeah.

Leslie: I’m counting on it.

Marc: It’s a practice, Ms. Leslie. So I really want to encourage you to feel what normally feels like failure to you. I want you to feel that is your humanity. I want you to join the human race. We feel grief. We feel pain. We feel hardship. We’re not happy all the time. We’re happy when we are; we’re not when we’re not. It’s okay. It’s okay.

Leslie: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Marc: You’re welcome. You’re such a good sport. Sport’s not the right word for you. I know you’ve worked really hard. I get that about you. And now, believe it or not, what you’re going to do is you’re going to take your foot off the gas pedal a little bit because the engine’s a little overheated. And it’s tired from pushing so hard in directions that don’t yield results.

As you stop placing these impossible standards on yourself, you’re actually going to slowly find your energy more. You’re going to slowly find momentum, but what I want to say is it’s going to be a little bit of time. Your system has to reorganize. I really want to consider this next year-and-a-half, two years, it’s a transition time. It’s kind of like a caterpillar creating a cocoon for itself. It comes out a butterfly at the other end, but you’ve got to spin the cocoon first. You’ve got to go a little bit inward.

Leslie: Okay. Okay. I will. I will. Thank you very much.

Marc: I’m so glad we had this conversation.

Leslie: Me too.

Marc: I really am.

Leslie: Me too. Glad to meet you.

Marc: I have a lot of hope for you. We get to have a follow-up session in a bunch of months.

Leslie: Okay. Perfect.

Marc: So somebody from my team will reach out to you.

Leslie: Okay.

Marc: And I really, really, really appreciate you being so willing because I laid down some heavy stuff here.

Leslie: Yes.

Marc: But it’s heavy with the intention of helping you lighten up.

Leslie: It was a tough decision whether to do this or not. I knew I was going to have to put myself out there. I haven’t done it in a long time. I haven’t done therapy in a long, long, long time. But I knew that the possibilities that I was going to take advantage of it. I just needed to take advantage of it. Coming up to this day was really rough. I went through a lot in the last couple of days, knowing I was going to do this. But I did it. It’s done. It’s a big step. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you.

Marc: You’re welcome. One last suggestion. And consider this. This might be useful to you; it might not be. Instead of happiness, instead of happiness maybe focus on this thing called gratitude and maybe keep a little gratitude journal by your bed at night. And just before you go to sleep—three, four, or five minutes—everything I’m grateful for that happened today, even the littlest things.
Leslie: Okay. I will.

Marc: I bought new pink Post-It notes. They’re so pretty. I don’t care what it is: small, medium, large. What you’re grateful for. It’s a different quality from happiness, but it builds some soul muscles. It builds some heart muscles, and it builds happiness muscles but in a whole different way.

Leslie: Perfect.

Marc: It’s an adult way. It’s a woman’s way. It’s a queen’s way. Do you know what I’m saying?

Leslie: Yes, I do. I do. Thank you. I do very much.

Marc: Leslie, thank you.

Leslie: Thank you. All right.

Marc: And thanks, everybody, for tuning in. Yeah, once again, I’m Marc David on behalf of the Psychology of Eating podcast. So appreciate you all tuning in. Lots more to come, my friends.



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