Understanding Habits: The Simple Psychology – Video with Emily Rosen

Have you ever had a bad habit that you just couldn’t get rid of? Unwanted habits can eat away at us like nothing else. And that’s why there’s a huge industry built on helping people defeat their overeating habits, sugar habits, smoking habits and more. But what exactly is a habit, anyway? Where do they come from, why are they here, and is there a simple approach that can empower us to release unwanted habits for good? Check out this unique video from IPEtv, where Emily Rosen, Director of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, shares some fascinating distinctions about the habit-changing process that can make a big difference.

In the comments below, please let us know your thoughts. We love hearing from you and we read and respond to every comment!

Here is a transcript of this week’s video:

Have you ever had a bad habit that you just couldn’t get rid of? There’s a huge industry built on helping people defeat their overeating habits, sugar habits, smoking habits and more. But what exactly is a habit, anyway? Where do they come from, why are they here, and is there a simple approach that can empower us to release unwanted habits for good?

Habits, by definition, are thoughts or activities that we repeat again and again.

Some habits are the kind that we enact consciously – like taking a walk every day – while others express themselves in an automatic and unconscious fashion – like mindlessly overeating. We’re going to pay special attention here to the second kind of habit, the ones that have a strange power to linger on, despite our best efforts to fight them off.

Here’s a basic psycho-biological fact about habits: the mind is, by nature, habitual. Each of us has an inborn, habit-forming process that is designed to help us with one of the most important tasks of survival – learning.

Have you ever watched a small child playing peek-a-boo? It seems like they can keep going forever, laughing each time their parent’s face reappears. That’s because peek-a-boo is more than just a game; it’s a way for children to learn what psychologists call “object constancy.” Children want to see the face return from seeming oblivion over and over because the nervous system is programmed at the most basic level to learn important information by repeating it.

The process of habituating, of repeating something over and over, also serves another psychological purpose – to move us toward that which brings pleasure and away from that which brings pain. The learning process is naturally pleasurable, so we will instinctively repeat any behavior that provides us with more knowledge and control of our environment.

Unfortunately, this process of repetition of pleasure is easily distorted. For example, at some point we might have come home from school or work after a distressing day, had some ice cream, and felt better almost immediately. The mind then quietly recorded, “feel bad, eat ice cream, feel good.” On the next downer of a day, the mind automatically repeats this useful behavior, and an ice cream habit is born.

Habits, those we want to keep and/or those we want to lose.

We can divide habits into 2 categories: those we want to keep because they are helpful to us, and those we want to let go of because they get in the way of our greater happiness. A “bad” habit is just a behavior that we repeat automatically, that drains our energy, has harmful repercussions on the body or emotions, and goes against what we most want for ourselves.

Negative habits usually have some immediate positive or pleasurable benefits, but these benefits are short-lived and may have damaging consequences. For example, smoking a cigarette gives people the immediate benefit of calmness and emotional security. Over time, an increased amount of cigarette smoking is needed to provide the same effect, and if this habit it repeated often enough, shortness of breath, congestion, and lung disease may result.

The human challenge here, is this: the part of the mind that automatically replays, “feel bad, smoke cigarette, feel good” is not the part of us that can evaluate the true usefulness of this habit. Without self-reflection and awareness, our mechanical nature will dominate.

So, if negative habits are automatically self-repeating, the simple ingredient which must always be present to work with any unwanted habit is this: consciousness.

Consciousness and Awareness

Consciousness here means awareness, wakefulness, presence. It means we pay attention to what we are doing. This is easier said than done, and yet, there’s no magic pill that eradicates an unwanted habit. Dynamic Eating Psychology suggests life is compelling us to wake up, moment by moment, in response to our unwanted habits.

Instead of the common strategy of fighting against a habit such as overeating and blaming ourselves when we fail to eradicate it, we can start to wake ourselves up and ask the question: “Is this what I wish to choose in this moment?” Even if we ask ourselves this question and choose in the moment to continue eating, we’ve actually “exercised” our choosing muscle, and made it stronger. The next time, when faced with the same choice, our ability to choose becomes stronger, and even more compassionate.

Facing our unwanted habitual thoughts, or health draining eating habits, or any habit that limits our life force and self-expression – is an act of self-evolution. Life calls us, through our personal challenges, to grow. It’s not about fighting self, hating self, hating the habit, or attacking our own weaknesses. It’s about cultivating an awakened, loving heart, and gently guiding ourselves back home.

I hope this was helpful.

Warmly,

Emily Rosen

To learn more about the breakthrough body of work we teach here at the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, please sign up for our free video training series at ipe.tips. You’ll learn about the cutting-edge principles of Dynamic Eating Psychology and Mind Body Nutrition that have helped millions forever transform their relationship with food, body, and health. Lastly, we want to make sure you’re aware of our two premier offerings. Our Eating Psychology Coach Certification Training is an 8 month distance learning program that you can take from anywhere in the world to launch a new career or to augment an already existing health practice. And Transform Your Relationship with Food is our 8 week online program for anyone looking to take a big leap forward with food and body.

NOW AVAILABLE: SPECIAL 10TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION

The Slow Down Diet: Eating for Pleasure, Energy, and Weight Loss

Get My Book!

Get Your FREE Video Series

New Insights to Forever Transform Your Relationship with Food

source http://psychologyofeating.com/understanding-habits-video-emily-rosen/

Vitamin D And The Sun: A Deeper Look – Video with Marc David

The sun has gotten a bad rap in recent years. We’ve been told repeatedly that too much sun can lead to skin cancer. Due to this, many people are finding ways to avoid sun exposure as much as possible by slathering on sun screen, covering up with sunglasses, long sleeves, and hats, or just staying inside. But what if the sun isn’t such a bad guy, after all? Sunbathers, take heart, because scientific research is now telling us that Vitamin D actually plays a role in the prevention of various diseases and symptoms. In this intriguing new video from IPEtv, Marc David, Founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, flips the script on the old belief that the sun is bad for you, and unpacks the healing benefits that accompany a healthy dosage of sunshine!

In the comments below, please let us know your thoughts. We love hearing from you and we read and respond to every comment!

Here is a transcript of this week’s video:

Greetings, friends. I’m Marc David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. Let’s talk about some of the secrets of vitamin D and the sun. And I will share with you an important secret about vitamin D and the sun that I think can make a big difference in your health. But I want to give you some background about vitamin D first. We’re going to build up to this.

So you might know this. You might not. But let me tell you. Vitamin D is creating a ton of excitement in the research community these days. So behind the scenes, the popularity of this substance is exploding. And it’s got a lot of power. It’s starting to hit the mainstream. And the findings are pretty vast in terms of vitamin D playing a role in the treatment and prevention of so many different diseases and symptoms. It’s wild.

So check this out. Vitamin D has been proven to play a role in the prevention and treatment of heart disease, cancer, depression, mood, anemia, eye diseases, all kinds of diseases of the skin, fatigue, fibromyalgia, arthritis. Vitamin D will impact the growth of children. It impacts your digestive health.

It will play a profound role in pregnancy and immune health, certainly bone health. Believe it or not, in weight, in stress resiliency, prostate health, breast health, lung health, athletic performance. And we’re just scratching the surface. The list goes on. I don’t think you can find another substance that has such far-reaching effects as vitamin D. That’s what we’re starting to find out. What a powerful substance!

So it seems that we should all be taking vitamin D so we can get these amazing benefits. And indeed the research seems to bear this out as an estimated—check this out; it’s wild—an estimated 75% of people studied are vitamin D deficient. So just think of that long list that I just read for you. And 75% of human beings are walking around vitamin D deficient. That’s crazy.

So here’s the secret I wanted to share with you. It’s less about vitamin D, and it’s about the sun. Vitamin D, we call it the sunshine vitamin because your body produces vitamin D when you are exposed to sunlight. It’s the byproduct of these invisible ultraviolet rays coming from the sun, interacting with the chemistry of the skin. And then you produce vitamin D. And it’s going to circulate in your body. So you aren’t really deficient in vitamin D. You’re deficient in the sun. I want you to note that.

So, yes, you need more vitamin D. But what you really need is more of the big fireball in the sky. And what kind of boggles my mind is somehow we have reduced the sun to a supplement. So instead of saying, “Oh, my God. You need to get outside. You need to breathe. You need to get the sun on your skin,” it’s like, “No, you need to supplement.”

No you don’t! And, yes, I understand some people are going to get prescribed a supplement. It’s okay. But what I’m really saying is we have to change our deeper understanding because so many people now are taught to believe that, “The sun is your enemy. And the sun is going to cause skin cancer. And, oh, my God, you have to stay away from the sun.” And that’s a bunch of nonsense.

So, yes, the sun can be a contributing factor for certain people under extreme conditions. But the bottom line is you need the sun to survive and thrive. It’s as simple as that. So essentially the plants are factories for catching the sun’s energy. We eat the plants. Or we eat the animals that eat the plants. So we’re basically eating the sun. And we have to get back to basics.

If you want to have the best chance for long-term health, get sunlight. Drink it in. Obviously be responsible. Don’t fry yourself. You’ll produce more vitamin D. Your body is going to love you for it. Just think about it. We owe our life to a big fireball in the sky. And somehow we have to respect that.

And when we respect it and when you learn how to dance more with the sun, your metabolism, the science of how your body is created just explodes into its greatest potential.

And that, my friends, is the magic of the world.

Warmly,
Marc David

To learn more about the breakthrough body of work we teach here at the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, please sign up for our free video training series at ipe.tips. You’ll learn about the cutting-edge principles of Dynamic Eating Psychology and Mind Body Nutrition that have helped millions forever transform their relationship with food, body, and health. Lastly, we want to make sure you’re aware of our two premier offerings. Our Eating Psychology Coach Certification Training is an 8 month distance learning program that you can take from anywhere in the world to launch a new career or to augment an already existing health practice. And Transform Your Relationship with Food is our 8 week online program for anyone looking to take a big leap forward with food and body.

NOW AVAILABLE: SPECIAL 10TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION

The Slow Down Diet: Eating for Pleasure, Energy, and Weight Loss

Get My Book!

Get Your FREE Video Series

New Insights to Forever Transform Your Relationship with Food

source http://psychologyofeating.com/vitamin-d-and-the-sun-a-deeper-look-video-with-marc-david/

30 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day Everyday

Every April 22, millions of people in nearly 200 countries celebrate Earth Day, and I’m one of them. Originating in 1970, Earth Day is an opportunity for all of us to reflect on how we can make our Earth a better place. It’s a time to be mindful of your impact on the Earth and challenge yourself to adopt new, environmentally friendly habits that conserve resources, save money, and encourage healthy living all-around. In fact, with wonderful benefits like those, doesn’t it make sense to live everyday like it’s Earth Day?

Well, you can. Over the years, my family and I have used Earth Day as a starting point to implement new and creative changes in our lives. Here are 30 ways we celebrate Earth Day that you and your family can try, too. Some of them may seem small, but small changes add up and if you sustain that change for the rest of your life, it will profoundly lighten your environmental footprint and help make the Earth a better, cleaner place to live.

In Your Home

1. Use Essential Oils

Many candles, scented plugins, and room sprays contain toxic, synthetic fragrances. Instead of those, add pure or mixed essential oils to a diffuser or humidifier to spread a pleasant aroma throughout your home. Many essential oils boast health benefits or have calming effects on mood.^[1]

2. Declutter Your Home

Spring is a great time to conduct a thorough home cleaning and discard, recycle, or donate all the unused items that are only taking up space. Make a conscious decision to keep the items that bring you joy and let go of the ones that don’t. Additionally, designate a spot in your home for every item you keep. Having a place for every item and returning it after use reduces clutter and will ensure you’re always able to find what you need, when you need it.

3. Use Lavender in Your Laundry

Many types of dryer sheets contain synthetic chemicals and fragrances. Ditch those, and instead, add about 20 drops of lavender essential oil to a damp washcloth or a few wool dryer balls and throw them in the dryer with your wet clothes. It’ll give your clothes a pleasant, natural scent that will even be noticeable throughout your home.

4. Adopt a Tree

A single tree can absorb up to 48 pounds of carbon dioxide every year.^[2] If you live in an apartment or townhouse, get a small, indoor-friendly ficus. Yucca, kaffir lime, Madagascar dragon, or bonsai are other small trees that thrive indoors. Keep in mind that if you have pets it’s best to double check that the tree you select isn’t toxic to them.

5. Plant Flowers

Native flowers look beautiful and they provide pollen and nectar for pollinators like bees and hummingbirds.^[3] Even better, locally-sourced flowers are typically low maintenance because they’re accustomed to your climate.

6. Use Natural Pest Control

Reduce your reliance on synthetic pest control methods like toxic powders and sprays. Encourage local insect-eating animals to visit the area around your home by installing a birdhouse or, if you dare, a bat house. You can also create a welcoming environment for predatory insects like praying mantises and ladybugs to help control pests. If you have slugs or snails, protect your precious plants with a sprinkle of diatomaceous earth.^[4]

Saving Energy

7. Change Your Air Filter

There are many different types of air filters available, opt for the ones that are washable or made from eco-friendly materials. Reusable filters reduce waste and they’re more economical over the long run. Even better, clean filters improve the efficiency of air conditioners and can reduce energy costs.^[5]

8. Seal the Door

A little air flow is a good thing but too much can work against your home’s heating and cooling efforts. Install a draft stopper on your door and seal up major cracks or leaks where you can. It’ll help you save on heating and cooling costs and keep pests out of your house.^[6]

9. Take Cooler, Shorter Showers

According to the US Department of Energy, the water heater accounts for about 17% of the average American’s monthly energy bill.^[7] In other words, it requires a lot of energy to heat water for a shower or bath. Taking a cooler, shorter shower can reduce energy use. As an added bonus, cold showers may help you feel more alert and reduce feelings of fatigue.^[8]

10. Install a Smart Thermostat

Depending on where you live, central air conditioning might account for as much as 50% of your energy use.^[9] To reduce waste, consider installing a smart, programmable thermostat. These devices shut off automatically when you’re away and have other built-in features that facilitate efficient heating and cooling.

11. Check Your Fridge

If you frequently find half-frozen produce or leftovers in the fridge, you’re ruining your food and wasting energy. Set your fridge to 37º F to reduce unnecessary energy use and keep your food fresh and unfrozen.^[10]

12. Lower Your Water Heater

Water heaters are often set unnecessarily high, sometimes as high as 140º F. Lowering the settings to 120º F saves energy. And, since exceptionally hot water dries out your skin, it’s better for your complexion.

13. Put on a Sweater

If the house feels a little chilly, put on a sweater, warm socks, and cozy sweatpants. Prepare some herbal tea or a homemade soup rather than turning on the heater.

14. Keep Cool, Naturally

Consuming something cold is a great way to cool down. If it’s hot out, shed some layers and drink iced water or tea. Or, blend together and freeze organic frozen fruit to make a homemade sorbet.

15. Turn on the Fan

It’s easy to reach for the air conditioner when it’s too warm but, next time, turn on a fan instead. Even the most efficient air conditioners account for a significant portion of your monthly energy expenditure. Fans use a tiny fraction of this energy.

16. Let There be Sunlight

Open up the curtains and blinds to let in more natural light whenever possible. More than just conserving energy, sunlight helps your body produce vitamin D and it strengthens your immune system.^[11]

17. Skip the Shower

Consider whether or not you need a shower before taking one. Less frequent showers are becoming the norm once again. In fact, people used to bathe about once a week and just wash up at the sink the week leading up to their next bath. The idea of regular bathing became popular when soap salesmen invented the need for a daily shower.^[12]

That said, personal hygiene is essential for your health and it’s something the people closest to you appreciate, but you might be showering too often. If you haven’t performed any strenuous activities, you might not need a shower. Additionally, keep in mind that some types of soap disrupt your skin microbiota, so try to use natural hygiene products.^[13]

18. Use Gentle Cleaners

When cleaning your home, use eco-friendly cleaning products instead of harsh, toxic agents. Plant-based cleaning solutions are widely available; you can find them at both big box stores and natural markets. Alternatively, castile soap or a simple solution of white vinegar diluted in water is an effective cleaner you can use on many types of surfaces.

19. Reuse Glass Containers

Before you recycle your glass bottles and jars, think about how you can reuse them. Large jars are great for salads and soups, small ones are the perfect size to measure portions of nuts and dressings. You can even reuse the dropper bottles from Global Healing Center products; just wash them out when you’re finished with the product and use them to hold or blend your favorite essential oils.

Transportation

20. Check Your Tire Pressure

Improve fuel efficiency and lower your carbon footprint by keeping your tires properly inflated. It’s also a good strategy for prolonging the life of your tires and, in turn, saving money.

21. Walk or Bike to Work

Not only is walking or biking to work great exercise, it reduces your carbon footprint. It can also be good for your mind—people that commute by car experience greater stress than people who walk, bike, and use public transportation, so it’s in your best interest to take a stroll to work.^[14] As a bonus, you’ll also get a little exercise and some much-needed sunshine on your way.

22. Start a Carpool

If you have a few coworkers in your neighborhood, consider carpooling with them. You’ll help reduce CO2 emissions, decrease traffic congestion, and you get the bonus of social interaction before and after work. Studies report that talking to friends and coworkers offers substantial health benefits.^[15]

Lifestyle

23. Eat Less Meat

If everyone cut back on their meat and dairy consumption it would be a great contribution to the environment. Raising livestock requires an astounding amount of resources; it contributes to deforestation, habitat loss, greenhouse gas emissions, crop contamination, and water pollution.^[16] Even worse, studies show that the consumption of animal products contributes to many chronic and debilitating diseases.

I don’t eat meat, but if you do eat meat, challenge yourself to replace it with plant-based food more often. Organic plants don’t have the same environmental impact as factory farming and a diet rich in plant-based food provides the specialized nutrition to support your health, and increase your lifespan. Starting a “Meatless Monday” habit is a great way to get started. If you like the results, take it a step further and become flexitarian, reducetarian, pescatarian, or semi-vegetarian to reduce your reliance on animal products even more.

24. Unplug and Go Outside

Today, too many people spend too much time indoors consuming media in some form or another—usually electronic. A climate-controlled environment requires energy to maintain, as do devices. Do yourself and the planet a favor by powering down, going outside, and enjoying nature with your friends and family. You don’t need to get on a plane to have an adventure. There might be some local undiscovered spot that will become your new retreat. National parks and nature preserves are resources many people don’t take advantage of and, unfortunately, parks that don’t receive a lot of visitors are at risk of being defunded, developed, or mined of their natural resources. Plan a visit to a less popular park to help protect its funding and maintenance.

25. Support Sustainable Businesses

If you can buy it, there’s an eco-friendly version of it. Support companies that use sustainable practices, ingredients, and packaging in their products. Many businesses have started incorporating recycled or upcycled materials into their products.

26. Get a Reusable Water Bottle

Disposable, plastic water bottles may be convenient but they release toxic plasticizers and hardeners that make their way into your body and the environment. Plastic does not degrade easily, and it may take up to 1,000 years to decompose.^[17] Instead, buy a reusable water bottle made of glass and fill it with purified water every time you leave the house. It’s a habit that will reduce waste, and taking a water bottle wherever you go will encourage you to drink water more often and stay hydrated.

At the Office

27. Take a Plant to Work

Air purification devices are handy but wouldn’t it be great to clean the air naturally? Well, it turns out that you can literally clear the air of pollutants with certain plants. According to a NASA study, some plants help remove toxic compounds from the air. Florist’s Chrysanthemum is cited as the most broadly effective and reported to remove pollutants like benzene, formaldehyde, and ammonia; English ivy is another excellent choice.^[18] Take a small desk plant to work and breathe a sigh of relief.

28. Take a Mug to Work

Disposable cups are convenient but using them is a tremendous source of waste. Even worse, most of the disposable cups you use every day are not recyclable and contain objectionable chemicals like styrene (found in Styrofoam), which is linked to neurological effects.^{[19, 20]} Skip the disposable cups and bring your own mug to work. There are many nice options that are made with non-toxic materials.

29. Pack Your Lunch

In the United States, over 30% of food is thrown away at the consumer level.^[21] That is a massive amount of waste and the majority of it ends up in landfills where it contributes to the production of greenhouse gasses.^[22] Do the Earth a favor: save your leftovers and take them for lunch instead of going to a restaurant. If you have some veggies that have seen better days but are still good, turn them into a soup and pour it into jars for an easy grab and go lunch.

30. Stop Printing

The average American uses seven trees worth of paper and paper products every year.^[23] That’s a lot of trees, and most of it ends up in the garbage. Whenever possible, avoid printing at work. A link or a PDF is often easier to keep up with and won’t clutter your coworkers’ desks.

Lasting Changes

Small changes add up quickly and can make a measurable difference on your carbon footprint and use of the Earth’s natural resources. Hopefully, these will provide a good start and encourage you to explore other areas such as using fewer disposable goods and recycling regularly. If everyone adopted just a few of these changes, we could significantly reduce our collective impact on the Earth.

What changes have you made to reduce your environmental impact? Tell us about them in the comments!

The post 30 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day Everyday appeared first on Dr. Group's Healthy Living Articles.

source http://www.globalhealingcenter.com/natural-health/celebrate-earth-day-everyday/

Psychology of Eating Podcast: Episode #195 – A Lifelong Journey with Weight

Rachel has hit a wall with her unexplained weight gain. She has been dedicated to fitness, she eats well, and she stays in control of her habits.  Yet, in the last year, she has seen the weight come on and can’t figure out why. Marc David, Founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, dives into this question head on with Rachel. He challenges her to rethink her relationship with control and ask her body what it is trying to teach her right now. Rachel shares more about her relationship to stress, her lifestyle, and her tendency to stay in control of her diet. Marc helps her see how all the ways she is trying to maintain control could be sabotaging where she really wants to get in her body and with her health.

Below is a transcript of this podcast episode:

Marc: Welcome, everybody. I’m Marc David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. And we’re in the Psychology of Eating podcast. And I am with Rachel today. Welcome, Rachel.

Rachel: Hello. Thank you.

Marc: I’m glad we’re here. I’m glad we’re doing this. And let me just say a couple of words to viewers and listeners who might be new to the podcast. Here is how it works. Rachel and I just met few minutes ago, officially. And we’re going to spend about 55 minutes together. We’re looking to see if we can help move things forward with whatever you want to work on today, Rachel.

So if you could wave your magic wand and get whatever you wanted from our time together what would that look like for you?

Rachel: I think just through some of the reading and stuff that we’ve learned so far, I don’t know how to slow down. I don’t possess that ability. I am always in the fast lane. I don’t think I used to be that way but I am now.

And so, for me, I would like to know how do I do that? How do I—everything, not just physically but mentally, the whole body. If you don’t know how to do that—like I’m the person in the back of the yoga class that’s struggling to relax into the pose because I don’t relax into the pose. I’m all about to strengthen the muscle. I’m not about the relaxing into the pose.

And so of the 30 times I’ve taken yoga classes, I hate it. I need to figure out how to do that because things are obviously not working for me. And I know that’s what I need and I know for a while that I have needed that. It’s escaping me on many levels, I would say.

Marc: So is this thing about not being able to slow down, how is it impacting you in terms of your body, in terms of food? Like what’s the result of that for you?

Rachel: Let’s see. Probably, for the past 20 years, I’ve been a control freak about what I have eaten. I graduated from college about 263 pounds. It took me like a year. I lost like 110 pounds and stayed there for pretty much my adult life. I got into health and fitness. I enjoyed it. I loved it. And then I think hitting 40, a lot more balls in the air. Like I started with the whole not sleeping. Being committed to my children’s school, I’m a PTO president there, I do a ton of work there, and that’s always on my mind. So, for me, it’s definitely, I would say, over the past years, gotten much worse where all of a sudden I have an extra 20-something pounds and I don’t know why. There’s no, as far as I know, medical explanation for it. I’ve had some tests done and stuff and nothing has come back. So, for me, I don’t know, where do you go from here, because that would be something?

Marc: Right, right. So let me see if I understand this. So even though you were eating the same food and maybe relatively doing the same exercise, this extra weight came on and it doesn’t make sense given what you’re doing and eating. Is that true?

Rachel: Yes.

Marc: Yes. Okay.

Rachel: I’ve always been, for the past 20 years, I would say just—and I hate to like throw the calories out there but 1500, 1600 calories because that for me was a happy medium. A few pounds would come on, I’d just see it as I got to watch that, tweak that, take the few pounds off. And as a side thing for the past 20 years, I’ve been a fitness instructor. I sub so I sometimes will teach three or four classes a week.

Sometimes I won’t teach for a couple of weeks but I’m still at that gym five days a week. I am that person that, to me, I want to be the hardest working person in the room. That’s important to me. That’s my thing. And it’s not that I’m looking at other people but I’m always putting in 110%. So that question really is, after going through some of the training, so what really has changed for me?

Marc: Understood. So in general, are you a fast eater, a moderate eater, a slow eater?

Rachel: I would say I’m a moderate eater but I don’t eat sitting down unless…sometimes if I was home for lunch, I might sit and eat if I was looking at the computer. If I’m at work, it would literally be eating bites between waiting on customers. Breakfast is usually eaten in my car as I’m driving to the gym or from the gym depending on when I can fit it in.

Marc: Are you still eating the same amount of calories that you have in the past?

Rachel: I would say. Yeah, like I tried this summer to lose about ten pounds I’ve kept on by like, say, from my 10-year anniversary, which was last October to April. I was like, “Geez. I really need to back it off.” I tried this summer to go a little bit more low carb, which I normally am sort of anyway. But I really tried to take it down. That’s a step back by 100%. My body was [inaudible].

Marc: Yes.

Rachel: I must have gained probably 12 pounds or more doing that. And again, watching what I eat and not—I would say that the calories were about the same.

Marc: Got it. Okay. Have you been tested for thyroid health, adrenal health, insulin resistance?

Rachel: I knew this was coming up but I just finally got myself in to go see the doctor. I was tested on Friday. I don’t think they did—I know she was testing for thyroid. I know she was testing for estrogen overload. I know she was testing for a few things. It’s sort of hard when you go in.

So I saw my nurse practitioner, who I adore. But sometimes you can’t have the conversation you want to have with them because you don’t know what their views are on if I say, “Gee, like do I have adrenal fatigue?” If she’s going to roll her eyes and go like, “Geez, everyone who comes in here thinks they have adrenal fatigue.” Who knows what her knowledge or stance on it.

So I did actually get tested on Friday. She hasn’t called me, which is surprising. So I have not heard back on any testing from that.

Marc: Got it. Okay. How old are you these days?

Rachel: Forty-three.

Marc: Forty-three. Okay. And this new weight started coming on, you said, about a year ago?

Rachel: I would say. My husband and I went on our 10-year anniversary last October. We went to Puerto Rico. It’s a three-day weekend. The first time we’ve been away from the kids. It was great. We had a fantastic time. Everything was great. And you got back and you’re back in reality. And for my children’s school last year, I ran an auction.

And really, I mean, I know that was stressful. I got home from that and pretty much got back into running this auction for my children’s school, which we had the first of April. And it was a lot of work. Like I was putting my kids to bed at eight o’clock and then working from eight to 12 or one o’clock on the auction five or six nights a week. I know that was a lot of stress and I guess I thought that once the auction came and went then I would just go back to where I was.

Marc: Sure.

Rachel: Being able to go to bed at 9:30, 10 o’clock at night. That never happened. I would go to bed and then I would lay there until midnight, until I could go back [inaudible].

Marc: And previously you haven’t had trouble falling asleep?

Rachel: Never. No.

Marc: Okay. Interesting. Caffeine? Do you do coffee, tea, what kind of caffeine?

Rachel: I do. I drink coffee in the morning. I really only have like a cup of coffee. Sometimes I’ll have two. It’s not an eight-ounce cup. It’s a mug of coffee. But that’s really all I have time for in the morning.

Marc: Okay. Got it. Are there any other health symptoms or health pieces that have changed for you in the last year or two that you’ve noticed other than this weight thing, sleep thing? Anything else change: digestion, mood?

Rachel: Digestion is fine. Mood is fine. My hair started falling out about six weeks ago. And that was really the catalyst for me going to see the doctor. I would say that, that was the biggest thing. Because you got the weight out and you think, you can just cut back your calories and then it will come off. But when my hair started falling out, that was definitely what sent me to the doctor and I finally got in Friday.

Marc: Got it. Okay. Do you pay attention to how much protein you eat each day?

Rachel: Yes.

Marc: How much protein do you think you eat a day, if you had to say it in grams or calories?

Rachel: I’d probably say about 75 grams.

Marc: Okay. Yes, because hair loss is oftentimes related to thyroid issues. And it could be related to protein malnourishment, which you don’t have, given the amount of protein that you’re eating. And it could be tied into stress. Those are generally your three big bets for that. But we’re going to cycle back to that.

So right now, just so you know, I’m asking these questions because I’m just sleuthing a bit. I’m interested in finding out more details because you’ve had what feels like to you, and wisely so, a hard to explain weight gain. So it makes perfect sense to me given that, that you go, “Huh, hard to explain that. Let’s try to break this down and figure it out because it ain’t making sense.” So that’s what I’m trying to do.

So I’m asking my kind of questions to gather information, to see if I can be of help here. Has your eating pattern changed in terms of, “Well, I’m eating just way more food at night.” Has that changed at all in terms of amount of food at night?

Rachel: No.

Marc: No.

Rachel: No, because I’m always that person, too much of a control freak that I won’t eat after dinner, never have.

Marc: Yes.

Rachel: Even when I was single I didn’t. That wasn’t my thing. And especially now, we have dinner, 5:30, six o’clock because kids need to eat. And my youngest one is five. She needs to be in bed by 7:30, so we eat decently early. And then that I’m not really a snacker after dinner, at all.

Marc: So putting aside food for a moment and your relationship with it and weight, what would you say at this time in your life is one of the places that, if there is one, where life is asking you to grow more in?

As an example, for me, at this stage in my life, one of the places where I know this life is asking me to grow is it’s asking me to step up more as a father even though my son is 24 and is beyond more independent than he’s ever been in his life, there are still places where I need to improve as a dad, where when I am paying attention and really looking at him and looking at myself where there’s ways I could contribute to him, but I have to really pay attention. I have to really help myself grow there. So that’s just a place life is asking me to grow. So what I’m just asking, is there a particular place for you where you just noticed, “Huh, this is just up for me.”

Rachel: I don’t know if I would say there was. I mean I know a lot of times I try—and I was thinking about this the other day. Like I feel bad sometimes when I’m so controlled about things with my kids. Like I heard my five-year old say the other day, “Don’t make a mess because mommy doesn’t like when you make messes.”

And sometimes I feel like, “Geez, am I really like that?” like you have to be so controlled with everything? So I do, for that, try to take a step back and say, “Well, it’s okay to make a mess every once in a while,” but inside I’m like, “Yeah, I really don’t want that mess.” So I don’t know if that—but I don’t really know, I think I’ve always been that way…

Marc: Sure.

Rachel: …and I don’t think that’s different. I don’t know if there’s any way. I would have to really think about that.

Marc: Sure. So let’s table that for now but it is something I would just like you to keep your eye on just to see if there might be any connections. And in fact, we will circle back to that in this conversation because I think it’s actually important. But we’ll get to that.

So in an ideal universe, right now, I would have a little bit more information relative to the testing you’ve just gotten because I’m interested to know especially thyroid, especially estrogen for you because that can have an impact on what’s going on, potentially. Putting aside for a moment, let’s say your test came back fine, here is what I want to say. Here is some other pieces to the puzzle that I want to share with you based on what you’ve told me so far and based on like “Wow, hey, I’ve had a system that’s worked for me for X amount of years and I’ve been fine. And now this shifted and it doesn’t make sense. What’s going on?”

So, here is where my mind goes. I’m going to tell you from experience what I have noticed is that human beings, we could do certain things for a long time and they work. They do because they do. And things change. What happens is you can be a great tennis player and play tennis at a certain level for 20 years and all of a sudden your body gets older.

And all of a sudden, that right elbow isn’t as strong because that’s the one that you use. So all of a sudden you got to take care of that more. And all of a sudden you’re slowed down a little more. So what happens with the body—and one could say, approximately every ten years, age 20, age 30, age 40, age 50, there’s just a shift. We morph and we change and we lose a little. At the same time that we lose a little, the body gets more wise.

What most people don’t realize is, yes, the body ages. The body gets older. There are certain places it just gets more inefficient because it’s breaking down. It’s like an old freaking car. But there’s another level where the longer you and I are on planet earth, the more information the body gathers. You’ll notice a lot of older people, their immune system is actually stronger. Not all of them.

But technically speaking, our immunity should get stronger as we get older and it does for a lot of old people. My grandparents used to tell me, “I would usually get sick. I don’t get sick anymore.” They were in their 70s, 80s and 90s because their immune system learns. It just learns about the environment so the body gets smarter.

So on the one hand, your body is getting smarter. That is my assumption. On another hand, it’s getting older. So things that used to work don’t always work anymore. I used to be able to not work out during the week and then on the weekends do a hard workout. I can’t do that anymore. I can’t do a hard workout one day a week. I have to do two or three lighter workouts during the week and then a hard one on the weekend, otherwise, it’s too much of a shock for my body. But I used to be able to do that. My body changed. So my body is letting me know.

What happens is there are people—and honestly, Rachel, I see this a lot—who will tell me a very similar story to yours. “I’ve been doing 1500 calories. I’ve been doing 1200 calories, 2000 calories, whatever it is for X number of years and it worked. And all of a sudden it stopped.” And you’re not doing anything wrong. What’s happened is there’s a shift and there’s a change. And we have to look and we go, “Oh, my god. Something’s changed. Something’s shifted. What does that now mean for me?”

So it usually means a couple of things. It usually means that what we used to do doesn’t work anymore, very clearly. So what you used to do doesn’t work anymore. Then it’s a question of asking, “What exactly is it that doesn’t work anymore?” There’s an interesting question because is it that 1500 calories a day doesn’t work anymore? Is it that being a highly controlled person doesn’t work anymore? Is it that “Okay, I’m the person at the back of the yoga class who’s like ‘I’m not relaxing into this posture. This sucks. I can’t relax. Like what are you guys talking about?’” is that what’s not working anymore?

So we don’t know for sure. We don’t. So then this becomes an exploration. So what I’m just sharing with you is my thought process. I’m trying to draw a wide circle around this one. I’m trying to see what is the range of possibilities here. If I was a betting man, if I had to bet all my money on what was actually happening for you, this is what I would say that your metabolism is undergoing a shift from where it used to be to where it is now. Good for you that what you used to do worked. It doesn’t work anymore.

So now you’re looking at, “Okay. Well, what do I do?” So again, at this place, there’s no blame. It’s not like you are doing something wrong. It’s just that life is changing. It’s kind of like winter is coming. You’re not doing anything wrong. You got to dress warmer. The fact that you’re colder is because things are changing.

So, my guesstimation is your metabolism is probably needing a little more nutrition is my guess. When I say nutrition, I mean nutrient-dense food, whatever that means for you. I don’t know that your body needs to be as calorically-controlled as it used to be. Because if your metabolism is changing, if your body needs more nutrition, if you’re not giving it that, it would be easy for your body to then determine not enough nutrition, not enough food, starvation mode, and hold on.

Rachel: Right.

Marc: It’s a strange reaction that the body does, but it makes sense to the body. Because the body thinks, “Wait a second. She ain’t giving me enough. There must be starvation conditions. I better slow down metabolism and hang on.” So that is a possibility. If I was in your shoes and I was going to be eating more I would focus that on healthy protein, healthy fat as best as you could, as best as possible.

Rachel: Yes. That’s my thought.

Marc: The next piece I want to say is that—and that’s why I asked you the question like, “Okay, what’s happening in your life right now? Like where is life asking you to grow or develop right now?” Oftentimes, that’s the place where we need to work to shift the body. I’m not saying that it’s always like that but I’m saying it’s often like that. I’m just trying to, again, stay within the realm of possibilities for you. So if I was going to be meeting with you 10 times, that’s what I would be exploring with you. I would be wondering, “Okay, what’s going on in Rachel’s life? What are some of the things that she needs to learn as a person, as a human being, as an adult, as a growing, evolving entity?”

And maybe you’ve hit on something here. Because the piece about the relaxing and the control and the let go, there is a level where the body perceives that as a stressor. Previously, it has not affected you from a standpoint of weight and metabolism in any way that you would complain about. It just might be that now, because the body is a little older and it’s a little wiser and it’s a little more sensitive, it’s going to talk to you. So, now, if you can’t regulate your ability to slow down, that might impact you different than it did two years ago simply because things changed, plain and simple.

There are foods that I am more sensitive to now than I was five years ago. It’s weird. I wish it wasn’t true. The body changes. So what I’m thinking for you is that the relaxation piece is a close cousin of control, which is a close cousin of a sense of let go and being in a flow. It might be interesting for you to experiment with being in more of a flow with food.

And a flow means, instead of having a very specific regimented diet, “I eat 1500 calories a day,” technically speaking, every day is different. Some days you have more energy. Some days you like yourself better. Some days you love the world, some days you don’t. Some days the kids are great, some days they’re not.

Some days you’re on, you’re just on. And other days you’re a little off. So every day is different. Same with the body. There’s days the body needs more food. There’s days the body needs less food. There’s days you’re hungrier. There’s days you’re less hungry.

When you can start to dance a little more with that, then you are being in relationship with your body in a more elegant way. That’s almost like saying to your kids, “Okay, children, every day we’re going to have these two kinds of conversations. Every day we’re going to talk about school and we’re going to talk about your friends.” Now, that could be really cool because every day there’s a consistency. And every day they’re going to talk about those two subjects and they’re going to get insights and they’re going to learn. But you know, some days you might not have to talk about that stuff. Some days your kids might want to talk about their dog or whatever it is.

So there’s this element of flexibility that I’m looking for with you where you start to tune in to your body in a different way. Instead of telling your body what to do, “Here’s how many calories you get, body. Here’s the food I’m going to give you, body. Here is the exercise I’m exercising you with, body.” Instead of that, I’m interested in the conversation, “Hey, body. What do you need to eat today? Hey, body, do you need to slow down with this meal? Hey, body, what would truly nourish you right now? What do you need? What are you really hungering for?” Because you might eat something completely different for breakfast.

So I’m going to share with you a PhD concept and forgive me if you’ve heard me say this before. A PhD concept is there’s a level where it’s very useful to plan our meals, plan our food, plan our nutrition. These are the ideal things and the ideal ways to eat. The PhD concept is there’s a place where we throw all that out the window. There is a place where sometimes I might eat very little during the day and I have a meal at night at 9 p.m. in the evening and I go to sleep and that’s the perfect thing for me. It’s weird. I can never subsist on that but there are times when that’s what’s happening given my lifestyle, given the time of year, given what’s going on. But I only know that because I’m listening. I’m tuning in.

So I think, for you, there is a place where you’re being asked to be in relationship with your body in a different way. It’s the more kind of creative, flowing, feminine, colorful, unpredictable, intuitive, dancing, in the moment. It uses your knowledge. So you know a lot about food, about what to eat, what’s good, what’s bad, what’s not. So you’re using your knowledge but you’re applying it in a very intuitive way. You see where I’m going with this?

Rachel: Yes.

Marc: So that would be my guess. So if this was reality TV and if I was going to get $1 million to help you lose the weight that you want to lose, this is how I’d work with you. I would say throw out the diet because the truth is we could diet the hell out of you and exercise the hell out of you and you’d lose a bunch of weight and it won’t be sustainable. You’d go crazy.

So I’m trying to see how you/we adapt to your body as it’s changing now. We got to respect the body on its own terms. The body talks to us. It’s so much wiser than us. It’s more in control than we are. You don’t know when the body is going to get sick or when it’s going to die. The body kind of has the say in things. We have a say, for sure, how we feed it, how we treat it but we also got to listen to it. And I think that would be a whole new way for you.

Rachel: Yeah. Probably.

Marc: Right? That would be a whole new way for you.

Rachel: Yes.

Marc: I have no doubt that you’re capable of it. But it would require a huge shift and it’s going to shift the way you think because it’s going to also impact other areas of your life, such as noticing where you like to control because you want a certain outcome. We’re human. We want to control things. I want certain outcomes. I like to control stuff. I got no issue with that. And there are times where it gets in my way. And there are times when it doesn’t allow me to grow. And when we’re not growing, oftentimes, the way life lets us know when there’s a place where we need to pay attention to, life talks to us through a symptom.

So I’m calling your extra weight right now a symptom. It’s getting your attention. Your body is raising its hand. What’s one thing that might get our attention? Weight gain. Weight gain gets our attention. So it’s got your attention. So this conversation about, okay, now, this has our attention, how can we respond to it in the best way possible? So, those are my thoughts right now. How’s that landing for you? Tell me what you’re thinking and what’s going on for you.

Rachel: Yeah. I mean working through some of the material that even just in module one, it’s things that you do think about like the more—being more relaxed with everything, I guess. And I always feel like I’m always so prepared and controlled about eating because I’m like, “Okay, well, I’m leaving my house at 8:15. And, I’m not picking my kids up from bus until 3:15. I’m in the car. I’m going here and I’m going there.” So, I’m like, “Okay, well, I know I’ll have these three things,” and there’s no “I have to bring that with me.” This is awful. I would never just pull up to some place and get a sandwich. You know what I mean?

Marc: Yes. I’m 100% with you there. So I still want you to be smart. I still want you to plan when you have to plan. So I’m not saying throw that out the window. And this is good. I’m glad you brought this up. What I’m asking you to do is when you do have that luxury, tune in more. When you have the luxury to choose, so when you’re on the road and you’re boppin’ around, you do need to have prepared in advance. I’m with you.

And I’m glad you do that. I think that’s a great strategy. And you might even ask yourself in the morning as you’re preparing things, you might even tune in a little bit more, “Huh, what’s my body wanting today? Is it wanting the same snacks, foods that I usually bring? Maybe something different. Am I having an unusual craving? Do I want to try experimenting and going with that?” So that’s the sort of thing I’m saying.

Rachel: Okay.

Marc: I want you to give yourself more leeway, when you can. I want you to plan. I want you to take care of yourself for sure. But when you can, give yourself leeway in choices. And you might choose the same thing every day. That’s fine. You might choose the same thing you’ve been choosing. That’s fine as long as you’re really checking in, as long as you’re checking in with yourself and really seeing, “What’s my body calling for today?” and making adjustments as best you can. So I’m not asking you to throw out responsibility, at all. I’m asking you to just be flexible when you can, if need be just, to ask the question.

Rachel: Okay.

Marc: Does that make sense?

Rachel: Yes, very much so.

Marc: And with exercise now, if all exercise burned the same amount of calories, if all exercise that you did anything—I don’t care what it was. I don’t care if it was walking—if it all was amazingly calorie-burning, what would you do?

Rachel: Geez. I’d probably do kickboxing. I like that a lot. People dread exercise. I don’t dread exercise. I enjoy it, I really do.

Marc: So You like kickboxing. Tell me what else you love.

Rachel: Weights. I mean I do like a body sculpt type free weight class. I like that. I hate running. I used to do that before I had kids and freedom and I could run outside. But I can’t run inside on the treadmill, it just didn’t work for me. I teach step classes, which is okay, but it gets a little boring. I love pilates. I recently got certified in that. And I started coming for a class. I don’t have a problem with the pilates aspect, which is a little bit more of like a lower key exercise. I feel like I’m trying to transition myself into something that’s lower key.

And a couple of years ago did a pilates certification and loved it and have loved doing that. I just seem to can’t make the jump. I still feel like though I started doing the pilates thing because the past two years, I’ve had chronic injury. I’ve had plantar fasciitis. I have carpal tunnel on one wrist, or tendonitis in the wrist, which is all flared up right now. Over the past six weeks, again, has been a huge flare-up of everything. Same thing with arthritis in the other foot and my toe, everything has just flared up. I have had to take a step back as far as lifting as heavy or going to kickbox on Monday. And I’m like, “Oh, I can’t use my feet because my plantar fasciitis is flared up and I don’t want to pound on my heel right now.”

Marc: Got it. So life is really asking you to pay more exquisite attention right now because your body is changing. So this makes it super clear for me. And again, Rachel, I want to say it’s not unusual. I will hear this story from people who have been very embodied and in fitness for a long time. All of a sudden, they’ll say, “God, I’m getting all these injuries. They’re little minor nagging stuff. I’ve got to change everything.” So it’s a transition time for you.

I love for you the fact that you’re moving into something like pilates and, specifically, pilates. Because what it does is it focuses you more specifically. It asks us to be very conscious about muscles, joints, movement, body parts, connectivity. It’s a little bit more holistic, a lot more holistic than just getting on a treadmill.

Rachel: Yes.

Marc: It’s probably a lot more holistic than doing a step class. So it’s different. It’s asking us to be in relationship with the body in a different way, which is what I like for you. Anything that slows you down and helps you embody more exquisitely and more particularly so it really supports you, that’s good for you. And that is what I think will slowly help you find your new place with your body. You’re finding a new place with your body right now. You haven’t quite found it yet. You’re experimenting with new forms of movement. You’re experimenting with, “Okay, how do I diet? How do I do this?” So I want you to consider this a transition stage.

There is not certainty right now. That’s okay. That happens. That happens in life. That happens with the body. We go through phases where, “What the hell is going on? Is this a transition? It’s not working like it used to.” It happens in relationship. It happens at work. It happens everywhere. So it’s happening with you and your body. So if we just respect that process and understand, “Okay, I’m going to try some different things right now.” So we’re going to try slowing down more. We’re going to try being more aware. We’re going to try being more intuitive about what to eat when possible.

I don’t want you to count calories in the same way because it’s not going to work at this stage of life. It’s more important for you to tune in to see what your body is calling for. Because if you’re counting calories and you’re denying your body what it needs, it’s going to backlash on you. So that’s why you have to listen to your body in a whole different way. This is the difference between being a 20-year-old in your body and exercising the hell out of it and doing what you want because it’s immortal, versus being a 43-year-old and you got to be more elegant and specific and exquisite at this new stage of your life. And you have to keep looking out for how is life asking me to grow right now, because that will connect to your metabolism.

So, other thoughts that you have based on what we’ve been talking about? Any other—just things that are swimming in your mind?

Rachel: It’s funny. When I’m teaching a class, I always tell people, “When you walk in that door, you need to take a second, take a breath. Whatever you were just thinking about, whatever you were doing, you need to leave it outside. Because when you’re in here, if you’re not focused on what you’re doing…” You know, when I’m teaching a step class I know when somebody is thinking about the grocery shopping they have to do because they missed that and they’re heading the wrong way.

And I’m like, “Hey, you guys. Focus. Like some of you seem to be not paying attention. Are you here? Are you present? Are you listening to what I’m saying or what we’re doing?” The same thing, obviously, when you’re working with the muscles. Like if you’re not focusing on the muscle work that you’re doing, you’re not reaping the benefits from it 100%. And I tell people that all the time.

And I feel like when I am there and I’m teaching, I am 100% focused. But I think that there’s other times when I’m not, that I am also that person, that I’m just participating and I’m letting other things get in the way, wander, thinking about what I have to do next. I never used to be that person that looks at my phone when I was exercising. And now I do it and I can’t stand it. I wrap it in my shirt and shove it in my bag so that I can’t even see it because I can take care of that later. But I feel like that probably I maybe need to be more of who I’m telling the people taking the class they’re supposed to be.

Marc: Yeah. Look at it this way. I hear what you’re saying. I want to use the term for you embodied. So when you’re doing pilates, you do pilates and you do it the way it’s done, then you’ll have the pilates experience. If you want to do a step class, there’s a certain way that we do it that you get the best benefits from it.

If you do a yoga pose and were taking two minutes to relax into a pose, there’s a certain way to do that to get the benefit of it. So you are training your body to embody in different ways, in more ways, and in ways that it might not be used to. You just might be now realizing the places where it’s hard for you to embody.

It’s probably easier for you to do certain kinds of exercises and certain kind of movements especially if it’s like more hustle, more vigorous than it is a movement, like dropping into a posture and into your breath and feeling your alignment, your muscles. That’s harder for you to do. In part because it’s a different rhythm, it’s slower. It’s a lot slower. So it’s asking something different of you. And I particularly have my eye on that for you because that’s a form of embodiment that most people have difficulty with. It’s the kind of embodiment where you’re able to actually drop in, feel, tune in, and inhabit your body in a relaxed way, where I don’t have to go and work really hard because, oftentimes, hard exercise is really a code word for stress reduction. We have so much stress in our system that I just got to blow out all that steam. That’s fine. But that’s a very narrow bandwidth of what movement and exercise can be.

So you’re 43. It’s time to train your body to be more exquisite and intelligent in certain ways. Again, one of those ways is the ability to slow down, breathe, feel, without needing to distract. What that’s going to do is it’s going to make you feel uncomfortable as you start to do that because you’re going to realize how hard it is.

Rachel: Oh, yes.

Marc: So you’re going to want to look at your phone. You’re going to want to get out of there. You’re going to want to judge. You’re going to want to like, “Whatever gets me out of this moment.” So all I’m saying is that that’s a great place for you to work and it’s going to be hard. But it’s going to train your system how to drop into relaxation response so it can be in relaxation response when you ask it to as opposed to constantly having to be vigorous and on, constantly having to be in a mild, alarmed, alert stress response. Do you follow me?

Rachel: Yes.

Marc: It’s a subtle shift. But I find that it makes a huge difference. So that’s, for me, one of the important takeaway messages here is for you, Rachel, to start to notice how you can drop into your body more. Even if you did a yoga class once a week and struggled in the back, I’m good with that. I’m good with that. You’re going to struggle. But it’s going to teach you. And I would love for you to learn what it’s teaching you. It’s going to show you where it’s hard for you to regulate yourself. And from that place you’re going to better train your nervous system. And when you better train your nervous system, you have more control over your metabolic potential, plain and simple.

Rachel: Right. Okay. I’m trying to do the yoga thing. It just hasn’t worked out yet.

Marc: Yes.

Rachel: Actually, I’m headed to Canyon Ranch tomorrow for a weekend and I always try it there. They’ve got meditation stuff like that, so I’ll try some of that there again, hopefully.

Marc: Good for you. Canyon Ranch in the Berkshires?

Rachel: Yes. In Lenox, yes.

Marc: Yep. I worked there for many years.

Rachel: Is that right? I’ve been going for about 10, so I don’t know if I was ever there when you were there.

Marc: No, probably not because I was there way back in the early days, in the ‘90s. But it’s such a beautiful place. It’s so gorgeous there.

Rachel: Yes, very much so.

Marc: Yes. So, Rachel, great job. Great job. I think you’re in a good place. And it’s an unknown place. And it’s an interesting challenge for you. And it’s just life is different. You are living in a different metabolic universe and you’re exploring it right now to determine the new turf and the new terrain of what actually works. So there’s going to be some unknowns in there. So patience is a good strategy, just patience and a little bit of trust and experimentation. And there’s not going to be certainty until there’s certainty. So that’s good Jedi training.

Rachel: Right. Okay.

Marc: Okay? I really appreciate you being so honest and open and generous and willing and jumping into the conversation. And I think it’s going to unfold for you well.

Rachel: Okay.

Marc: And you just have to have a period of time where things are rearranging.

Rachel: Right. Yeah, I’m comfortable saying I think there’s a thing that’s hard for people. Like for me, I’m like “Oh, I don’t want to be uncomfortable but I guess I have to do it.”

Marc: Yeah. That’s what helps us grow, discomfort. Otherwise, we stay in the same place. Growing pains it’s often called. A little bit of discomfort urges us to grow. It’s that little piece of sand in the oyster that inspires it to create a pearl so it can get rid of that irritation. So we need a little irritation sometimes.

Rachel: Right. Okay.

Marc: Yeah. Great job, Ms. Rachel.

Rachel: Thank you.

Marc: Thank you so much. And thank you, everybody, for tuning in. I appreciate you being on this journey with us. I appreciate all your wonderful feedback. Once again, I am Marc David, on behalf of the Psychology of Eating podcast, and there’s always more to come, my friends. Take care.

The Institute for the Psychology of Eating
© Institute For The Psychology of Eating, All Rights Reserved, 2016

Get Your FREE Video Series

New Insights to Forever Transform Your Relationship with Food

P.S. If you haven’t had a chance to check out our FREE information-packed video series, The Dynamic Eating Psychology Breakthrough, you can sign up for it HERE. It’s a great way to get a better sense of the work we do here at the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. If you’re inspired by this work and want to learn about how you can become certified as an Eating Psychology Coach, please go HERE to learn more. And if you’re interested in working on your own personal relationship with food, check out our breakthrough 8-week program designed for the public, Transform Your Relationship with Food, HERE.

source http://psychologyofeating.com/psychology-of-eating-podcast-episode-195-a-lifelong-journey-with-weight/

6 Lemongrass Benefits to Support Your Health

Lemongrass (Cymbopogon citratus) is a perennial herb with a distinct, lemony aroma and flavor. It’s a staple of both Vietnamese and Thai cuisine. Though the plant is native to India, it’s grown all over the world today. Lemongrass is a rich source of nutrients that offer many therapeutic benefits.

Quick Facts About Lemongrass

Lemongrass Quick Facts
Scientific Names	There are over fifty different species of lemongrass including Cymbopogon citratus (ornamental lemongrass), Cymbopogon nardus (Citronella), Cymbopogon flexuosus (Cochin or Malabar grass), and others.
Family	Poaceae
Origin	India and other Asian countries.
Health Benefits	Provides antioxidants, supports the immune system, deters insects and other harmful organisms.
Common Uses	Cooking, tea, perfume, cosmetics, medicine, and aromatherapy.

Benefits of Lemongrass

Lemongrass is a source of beneficial phytochemicals and specialized nutrients that support the body’s response to harmful organisms, boost the immune system, and promote overall wellness. Although the balance of nutrients may vary slightly from one variety to the next, in general, lemongrass provides antioxidants like isoorientin, orientin, caffeic acid, and chlorogenic acid; all of which help halt the damaging action of free radicals. Caffeic acid, in particular, may neutralize free radical action up to 85%.^[1]

1. Supports the Body’s Response to Harmful Organisms

Some of the phytochemicals found in lemongrass are resistant to harmful organisms. Two of which, geraniol and nerol, are effective against a broad spectrum of harmful organisms. Another, citral, targets candida, specifically.^{[2, 3]}

Lemongrass may also be effective against entire colonies of organisms known as biofilms.^[4] A biofilm is a thin, slimy, continuous collection of organisms that adheres to a surface with the help of proteins and sugar. Dental plaque on teeth is a common example of a biofilm.

2. Promotes Normal Immune System Response

Lemongrass encourages a normal, balanced immune system response—not one that’s over reactive and ends up doing more harm than good. In that way, lemongrass may protect healthy cells and help soothe irritated tissue.^[5] Lemongrass contains two antioxidants, geranial and nerol, that belong to a class of phytochemicals called monoterpenes. These phytochemicals influence the immune response. Citral also affects immune response by discouraging the body from producing cytokines—proteins that cause inflammation.^[6] Geraniol and citral also work in tandem to discourage the proliferation of malfunctioning cells, and encourage the body to detoxify itself of them.^{[7, 8]}

3. Stomach Protection

Your stomach features a protective lining called the mucosal layer that prevents acidic, gastric juices from damaging the interior of the stomach.^[2] It’s not uncommon, however, for alcohol or over-the-counter pain relievers like aspirin to upset this protective layer. According to Brazilian folk medicine, lemongrass essential oil may help protect the mucosal layer of the stomach.

4. Encourages Normal Cardiovascular Health

Lemongrass offers a multi-tier approach for supporting cardiovascular health. First, as a source of antioxidants, lemongrass may disrupt the oxidation of fat in the arteries.^[10] Second, the citral in lemongrass helps to relax overstressed blood vessels.^[9] And, lastly, although more research is necessary to quantify the effects in humans, the results of some animal studies suggest that lemongrass promotes normal cholesterol levels.^[11]

5. Deters Insects

Topical or environmental application of lemongrass essential oil has long been used as a mosquito deterrent. You’re probably familiar with the outdoor citronella candles designed to keep mosquitoes at bay. The citronella in those candles is usually sourced from the Cymbopogon winterianus or Cymbopogon nardus varieties of lemongrass. In fact, the mosquito-deterring effects of lemongrass oil are comparable to many chemical repellants such as DEET.^{[12, 13]}

6. Encourages Restful Sleep

Night owls rejoice! If you struggle falling or staying asleep, lemongrass can help. Studies have found that lemongrass may increase sleep duration,^[14] encourage dream remembrance, and promote restful sleep.^[15]

Tips for Growing Lemongrass

Lemongrass does best in regions 8-11, but you can still grow it indoors if you live in a colder region. Take a stalk of lemongrass and peel off the dry outer layers and discard. Place the skinned stalks upright in a tall glass or jar. Add about 1-2 inches of water to the jar to cover the base of the stalks. Place in a window or another sunny area to encourage root growth. Change the water frequently—about once a day—over the next month. Delicate roots should sprout from the end of the stalks. Once they reach 2 inches, they’re ready to plant.

To plant, dig a hole either in a container or the ground. Gently fill the space around the lemongrass stalk with soil, being careful not to break the roots. Make sure to keep the soil around the plant well hydrated, but not soaked. In 3-4 months, when the plant is well established, you can start harvesting. Cut fresh stalks as needed for tea or recipes. Keep your lemongrass well pruned to encourage consistent harvests. To store, peel off the tough, dry sheath around the harvested stalks, cut to size, and store in a plastic bag in the freezer until needed.

Using Lemongrass

Lemongrass is available fresh, dried, powdered, or as an essential oil. Your intentions will dictate the best form to select. Fresh lemongrass is best for cooking, extracts are commonly found in supplements, and the essential oil has many aromatherapy applications.

Lemongrass Tea Recipe

Lemongrass tea is an easy and excellent way to add lemongrass to your diet. To make a tea with fresh lemongrass stalk, roughly chop three whole stalks, pour 6 cups of almost-boiling water over the fresh lemongrass, and steep for at least 5 minutes. Add raw honey to taste if you prefer a sweet flavor. You can also use dry stalks if you smash them with a tenderizer first and steep for longer—about 10 minutes.

What experience do you have with lemongrass? Do you have a favorite use or recipe to share? If you’re looking for more healthy recipes, check out our recipe section!

The post 6 Lemongrass Benefits to Support Your Health appeared first on Dr. Group's Healthy Living Articles.

source http://www.globalhealingcenter.com/natural-health/lemongrass-benefits-to-support-health/

FREE Class Thursday March 30: Yoga to Eliminate Back Pain

You’re invited to a FREE class on how to eliminate low back pain taught by Catherine Carrigan, yoga teacher, medical intuitive healer and Amazon No. 1 bestselling author. When: Thursday, March 30, from 8 to 9:15 a.m. Where: Georgia State University sports arena building, 125 Decatur Street, Atlanta, GA 30303 What: Learn Catherine Carrigan’s top 7 exercises for […]
Source: http://unlimitedenergynow.com/free-class-thursday-march-30-yoga-to-eliminate-back-pain/

source https://unlimitedenergynow.wordpress.com/2017/03/27/free-class-thursday-march-30-yoga-to-eliminate-back-pain/

Don Tigny Mobilization

One of the most important steps you can ever take to eliminate low back pain is to unlock your sacroiliac joint with a Don Tigny mobilization exercise. What is your sacroiliac joint and why should you even care about it? Your sacroiliac joints (also known as S.I. joints) connect your sacrum and your right and left iliac bones. These […]
Source: http://unlimitedenergynow.com/don-tigny-mobilization/

source https://unlimitedenergynow.wordpress.com/2017/03/26/don-tigny-mobilization/

Scissor Twist

You can increase the flexibility of your spine and alleviate back pain with this simple twist you can do anytime, anywhere. All you really need is a wall! Every vertebrae in your spine is supposed to rotate 2 degrees. Sometimes our vertebrae simply get stuck out of place, often due to poor posture or improper […]
Source: http://unlimitedenergynow.com/scissor-twist/

source https://unlimitedenergynow.wordpress.com/2017/03/24/scissor-twist/

What Are Micronutrients? A Review of Essential Nutrients

Micronutrients are the vitamins and minerals required by your body. Unlike macronutrients, you only need minuscule amounts of micronutrients to maintain good health. Micronutrients are essential to the production of enzymes, hormones, proteins, and other products created by your body. Some micronutrients have a specialized role, while others fulfill a broad range of functions.

Micronutrients are incredibly important for health and wellness. Mineral deficiencies can have lasting, detrimental health consequences in children and adults of all ages. Unborn children and older adults are especially susceptible to micronutrient deficiencies, which is why many nutritional supplements are optimized for specific age groups and many staple foods, like flour, are fortified with vitamins and minerals.

However, you might be surprised to learn that food fortification can be misleading as it’s often accomplished with synthetic vitamin variants. These manufactured vitamin forms often lack the cofactors and nutrients required for proper absorption in the body. As always, it’s best to get naturally occurring vitamins and minerals from quality, whole-food dietary sources to ensure your body can properly utilize these essential nutrients.

What Are Vitamins?

Vitamins are organic compounds primarily derived from food that the body needs in small amounts. By definition, they cannot be produced by the organism that requires them (vitamin D is the exception). Vitamins serve a variety of purposes. Some, like vitamins A, C, and E, are antioxidants. Others, like the B vitamins, are vital for fetal brain development and healthy brain aging.^{[1, 2]} There are two categories of vitamins—fat-soluble and water-soluble.

Fat-Soluble Vitamins

Vitamins A, D, E, and K are fat-soluble vitamins. Your body stores fat-soluble vitamins in fatty tissues for reserves in case you don’t meet your daily recommended intake. These vitamins are best consumed with healthy fats to ensure absorption into the body.

Vitamin A

Vitamin A is essential for eye and brain health. It also regulates growth and keeps the immune system healthy. Plant sources of the carotene provitamins are the safest method of meeting your daily vitamin A requirements. Consumption of vitamin A from animal sources could lead to vitamin A toxicity.^[3]

Vitamin D

Vitamin D is both a hormone and a micronutrient. Though it’s famous for its role in preserving and promoting bone health, it also helps keep your respiratory system healthy, enhances your mental and emotional well-being, and keeps your immune system functioning at peak efficiency.^{[4, 5]}

Vitamin E

Vitamin E is a powerhouse antioxidant. The various forms of the vitamin all have similar antioxidant properties, but one in particular, alpha-tocopherol, is what the body prefers most. Vitamin E protects delicate lipids from oxidation and, in the case of food, rancidity. Its actions protect your DNA by stopping free radicals from damaging the fragile structure of your chromosomes.

Vitamin K

Vitamin K is named for the German spelling of coagulation—koagulation—because it’s essential to the blood clotting process. It activates the proteins in blood that are responsible for clotting.^[6]

Water-Soluble Vitamins

In humans, the water-soluble vitamins are limited to vitamin C and the B vitamins. These vitamins need to be replaced on a daily basis because they are not easily stored in the body. Rather, the body excretes excess water-soluble vitamins in urine.

B-Complex Vitamins

The B-complex vitamins include thiamin (B1), riboflavin (B2), niacin (B3), pantothenic acid (B5), pyridoxine (B6), folic acid (B9), and cobalamin (B-12). These vitamins regulate the release of energy in cells (metabolism), serve as cofactors, and affect mood and immune health. A healthy microbiome is essential to nutrition because some probiotics actually generate B-vitamins in the gut.

Vitamin B-12 and B9 are vitally important to brain health.^[7] Research into the role of vitamin B-12 suggests it’s a powerful force in preserving memory and cognitive function as you age.^[2]

Vitamin C

Vitamin C’s role as an antioxidant is well known (and highly marketed), but it has other roles, too. Vitamin C is incredibly important for growth and healing. The strength of connective tissue and bones and skin elasticity all depend on sufficient levels of vitamin C. It also enhances the absorption of iron from food in the small intestine.^[8]

What Are Minerals?

In general, minerals are inorganic, naturally occurring substances. In your diet, they are important components that give your body structure and allow your cells to carry out essential functions. Minerals are divided into macrominerals and trace minerals, also known as microminerals. Predictably, your body requires macrominerals in much larger amounts than the trace minerals.

Macrominerals

The macrominerals include magnesium, sulfur, and the electrolytes: potassium, calcium, sodium, chlorine, and phosphorous. Most people get much more sodium chloride (table salt) than they need—to the detriment of their health. While some salt is essential, you don’t need nearly as much as most Americans consume. Try to limit your salt intake whenever possible.

Magnesium

Magnesium is not one of the celebrity micronutrients, but it is essential to many vital processes. It plays an important role in metabolism, acting as a cofactor in hundreds of chemical reactions in the body. Magnesium is also vital to proper bone formation and the synthesis of genetic material.^[9]

Calcium

Of these, you’re probably most familiar with calcium, the most abundant mineral in the body. Far beyond bone strength, calcium is responsible for muscle and blood vessel relaxation and contraction, nerve firing, and communication between cells.^[9]

Potassium

Most Americans, an astounding 98 percent, fall woefully short on potassium intake.^[10] Potassium is responsible for muscle and nerve function, a steady heartbeat, and cell detoxification. It acts as the inverse of sodium, which is why it’s vital to balance your sodium and potassium intake.^[11]

Trace Minerals

The body requires significantly fewer essential trace minerals (microminerals) than macrominerals. Macrominerals are measured in grams, while trace minerals are measured in milligrams and micrograms. The top microminerals you need are chromium, iron, iodine, fluorine, selenium, manganese, zinc, molybdenum, and copper. You also need exceptionally small amounts of nickel, silicon, vanadium, and cobalt.^[12]

Though you need less of these micronutrients, they are extremely important to your health. Many of the most pernicious conditions are related to deficiencies in trace minerals like iodine and iron. According to the World Health Organization, an estimated 1.6 billion people worldwide have a reduced ability to work due to iron deficiency anemia. Annually, nearly 20 million children are born to mothers with insufficient iodine levels—a condition that leads to severe cognitive impairment.^[13]

Micronutrients and Nutrition

There are only a few ways to meet your micronutrient needs: a nutrient-rich diet, quality supplementation, and, to a lesser degree, eating non-food items like clay or cooking in cast iron. Vitamins and minerals are easily synthesized in labs and pressed into tablets, but it’s always best to obtain your nutrition naturally from plant sources like fruits and vegetables.

At Global Healing Center, we focus on isolating the best natural, organic, and wildcrafted plant sources for exceptional nutrition and incredible health. Some of our favorite micronutrient supplements include:

• Our Selenium Supplement is sourced from organic mustard seeds, which provides the selenium that is essential to your health, especially the thyroid.
• Detoxadine® is an essential nascent iodine supplement produced natural salt deposits. It’s nutritional support for immune health and the thyroid, and it promotes the detoxification of halogens such as fluoride and bromine.
• Biotin, also known as vitamin B7, sourced from the sesbania plant to support healthy hair and nails at the cellular level.
• Suntrex D3™ is a vegan, lichen-derived vitamin D3 that supports the nervous system, calcium absorption, and a healthy mood.

What insight or thoughts do you have regarding micronutrients and their importance? Have you ever dealt with a nutrient deficiency? Do you have any tips or tricks for making sure you get your needed micronutrients? Leave a comment below and share your experiences with us.

The post What Are Micronutrients? A Review of Essential Nutrients appeared first on Dr. Group's Healthy Living Articles.

source http://www.globalhealingcenter.com/natural-health/what-are-micronutrients/

Psychology of Eating Podcast: Episode #193 – Discovering the Deeper Meaning of His Mysterious Pain

Patrick has been experiencing a mysterious pain for some time without any medical explanation. He has done the tests and seen the doctors and receives a good bill of health each time. So why the pain?  Marc David, Founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, and Patrick dig for the hidden lessons of the mystery pain. Patrick reveals what triggers the discomfort and is sure it is triggered by particular stressors, especially since the pain really started during his very painful divorce. Marc and Patrick dive into a really important conversation about the divine masculine, what it means to be a “good” man in today’s world, and where he is being called to step more into his role as a leader in life.

Below is a transcript of this podcast episode:

Marc: Welcome, everybody. I’m Marc David. And here we are in the Psychology of Eating podcast. I’m with Patrick today. Welcome, Patrick.

Patrick: Thank you. Thank you, Marc.

Marc: Yeah. So Patrick and I have been just kind of schmoozing for about five minutes before we get going. For those of you out there who are new to the Psychology of Eating podcast, here’s how it works. Patrick and I have never met officially before but just for five minutes before we started chitchatting. And the idea is we’re going to have a session together. We’re going to see what Patrick wants to work on. And we’re going to try to push the fast forward button and help you get as much accomplished in one session as is humanly possible. So that’s the idea and I appreciate you doing this, Patrick.

So why don’t you just share with me, with viewers and listeners, what’s the key thing you would love to work on and get some forward movement with?

Patrick: Okay. For about four, five years, I’ve had sort of a pain in my groin area, kind of a phantom pain. I went to doctors to have them kind of check it out and they ran labs and did x–rays and things like that. Didn’t find anything. They saw a pretty healthy guy. And I feel like it has some root in my divorce and during that time period or something like that, because at the time I was going through a lot and drinking heavily and things like that. I don’t know, and so it was a pretty traumatic time of my life.

So I don’t know, I think it has to do with that sort of emotionally on some level. Yeah, I guess I’ve tried a lot of different approaches. I am a dietitian, so I’ve tried a lot of different diets and strategies to detoxes and things like that and nothing seems to do really much to it. It’s always sort of an underlying pain. It’s not really a hard pain to live with but it’s always there and I feel it. So yeah, that sort of…

Marc: How long ago did it start?

Patrick: I’ve been trying to think about that but I think it’s been about five years ago, yeah. Yeah.

Marc: And you think it’s related to past relationship, past divorce. Just help me, how did you kind of come up with that idea? What made you conclude that or think that?

Patrick: Well, I guess when I was going through that, I was drinking pretty heavily. But at the same time, I would try to compensate for drinking heavily and I would drink a lot of water at the same time. And then I think I was putting a lot of pressure on my bladder or my kidneys and that whole system during that time, I guess. I just remember there being a time when I could feel that like it was like a lot of pain in that area when I was waking up and I had to urinate for a long time and it wasn’t really helping, I don’t think. I just have a memory of it for some reason. And that’s where I got that, I guess.

Marc: Great. And on a scale from one to 10, 10 being like the worst possible pain in human history, zero being pain free, where is the range that the pain generally hangs out in?

Patrick: Yeah. It’s usually like a one or two. It kind of kicks up a little bit more when I’m stressed to maybe to three, four or something like that but it’s never really anything too, too bad. It’s mostly on the left side but then sometimes I’ll feel it on both sides, I mean like as far as that general area.

Marc: So, it kicks up when you’re stressed.

Patrick: Yeah.

Marc: Any other times that you notice that it increases?

Patrick: I’ve noticed it, well, if I’ve ever been in session with a therapist talking about those things, I feel it more in that area. I definitely do. And that’s another reason why I kind of felt like it definitely had to do with that. But I didn’t know for sure but yeah. Those other times that I’m talking about that past relationship or things that pertain to that, my current relationship, and I have a daughter out of that relationship. If there are issues with my daughter, maybe I’m starting to kind of feel that too.

Marc: I just want to say before we move forward, in general, phantom pain—I’m going to call it phantom because that’s what the medical profession will often label it. We, the collective we, we have this interesting challenge because just because science or medical science can’t measure something.

So my assumption is you’ve had all kinds of good testing and there’s nothing wrong with you. Is that correct, according to what the medical profession’s telling you?

Patrick: Right.

Marc: Yeah. So the challenge is there’s nothing wrong with you but there’s something wrong. There’s something happening. You are noticing something. So, first of all, I just want to say good for you for just trusting yourself, really.

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: But you’ve got to trust yourself. You have to honor your body. You have to honor your own body wisdom. And you’re raising your hand and going, “Okay, I’ve done everything I can so far, in terms of testing, to help myself with this. The medical profession tells me, ‘According to our test nothing is wrong.’ But that doesn’t mean that there’s nothing wrong.” This happens all the time. People are sick. They’re tired. They’re chronically fatigued. They have digestive issues. And they get all kinds of tests and there’s nothing wrong. But there’s something wrong.

Patrick: Right.

Marc: So here we are stepping a little bit outside of the usual paradigm now to try to figure out. And I think you’re wisely saying, “Hey, this could be a psychosomatic symptom.” And psychosomatic is really a very sweet term for, it’s influenced by mind and emotions and feelings. And that’s real. Our mind, our emotions, our feelings are real.

So I just wanted to kind of let you know my belief in that. And I just hope that, in this whole process, you honor yourself and not feel guilty because you think there’s something wrong with you and other people think there’s nothing wrong with you.

Patrick: Okay. All right. Thank you.

Marc: You see where I’m going with that?

Patrick: Yes, I understand what you’re saying.

Marc: Yeah. So like this is a place where you have to empower yourself to go, “Thank you everybody for your opinions. I know something’s happening in this body over here.”

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: So that, to me, is first and foremost. Do you notice times when like, wow, I got like no pain. It’s been on a zero for days or weeks. Or when are the best times for no pain or pain free, if such a thing exists for you?

Patrick: I mean I think that it’s the kind of pain where if I’m not paying attention to my body, I don’t feel it kind of thing. So yeah, if I’m having a great time and enjoying the company of others or… yeah, in general, just feeling happy about things, I mean I don’t really notice it that much and it’s not there. But I can’t think of a specific time where it’s like not there or something. I think, usually, when I check into my body, if I do like sort of a body scan, it’s always sort of kind of there, yeah.

Marc: So in terms of professional help that you’ve been getting in terms of like therapy or therapist, what does that person or that community of people think? Like have you gotten any, for you, useful insights, oh, they think it’s oomph.

Patrick: I think in a lot of ways, I don’t know if it’s specifically related to this but through therapy, I really have—and going through training as well—really felt like it’s more to do with me. A lot of it is that I was sort of checked out of my body for a good amount of time, especially when I was first getting into nutrition and kind of feeling like I was toxic and going on all kinds of different detoxes and trying to fix myself as it were.

And I think that’s been a big part of it recently that I’ve been really starting to just really embody in general. I’ve been kind of a space cadet, more of a vata kind of personality my whole life in general, I think.

Marc: How old are you now, Patrick?

Patrick: I’m going to be 39 pretty soon.

Marc: Alright.

Patrick: Around the corner.

Marc: And you said you have a daughter from your first marriage.

Patrick: Yeah. I do.

Marc: And are you in contact with your ex?

Patrick: Not really. Well, like I said, I take care of my daughter full time, basically. I mean I talk to her mother occasionally, very occasionally, if I have to, if I need something that pertains to my daughter. But usually no. No, we don’t talk at all.

Marc: And was she your first significant relationship, would you say?

Patrick: Yes.

Marc: How long were you together?

Patrick: We were together for about, I think, this one was about six years altogether.

Marc: Total, marriage plus…

Patrick: Total. Marriage plus before that, yeah.

Marc: And here’s a weird question. If you were her, you were her, and I was saying to her, you, right now, “Hey, Patrick has this pain. Why do you think it’s there?” What do you think she would say?

Patrick: I guess I would say, “You’re holding on to how I hurt you or I…I don’t know. You’re angry, you’re really angry about how our relationship came out. I mean you’re holding on to that and you want to tell me something.” There’s a lot of anger that comes out of it whenever, in general, I think about that relationship. I guess that’s what I would say that she would say. That’s a tough question.

Marc: Sure. It is a very tough question. Yeah, I definitely acknowledge that. Have you ever gotten angry at her while you were with her, afterwards? Was than an emotion you had an easy time expressing?

Patrick: No. Well, of course, I’ve been in arguments with her for sure afterwards, definitely. But usually over custody or things like around that like our splitting up things. But not in the area of our relationship or anything like that. I mean I did write a letter to her that I didn’t send. And that was really helpful. And then there was a lot of anger that came out in that letter for sure, towards her for sure, yeah.

Marc: Are your parents still alive?

Patrick: My parents are still alive.

Marc: Are you close with them?

Patrick: We’re pretty close. They live here in town and we get to see each other and they’re good grandparents and stuff. I mean I think we’re… go ahead.

Marc: Yeah. Yeah, go.

Patrick: I was just going to say that, in general, my family culture is we’re not really very…we don’t get in touch with our feelings very much. That was not something that we did. Growing up, we were very like…yeah, like my dad was not like the type of person that I could share how I was feeling in general. It was more like we always pretended to be happy and sort of humorous. We’re very humorous kind of family kind of thing.

Marc: So how did your mom get along with your ex?

Patrick: Not well. I mean my parents, in general, didn’t. But yeah my mom—well, I mean my mom is a pretty passive, very nice person in general and my ex kind of allowed—I mean she kind of took advantage of a lot of people. She was sort of a manipulative person in general. So, yeah, they didn’t get along in general, I guess would answer that question. Yeah.

Marc: So if I asked your mom why she would think you would have such a pain, what might she say?

Patrick: I guess I really do feel bad about that situation with my parents. I alienated them a lot, actually. Maybe she would say that she understands, that she knew that I was trying to make the relationship work on some level, and that I’m holding too much again. I guess that’s what I keep feeling like I’m holding a lot of emotions down. I’m repressing a lot of emotions. That’s I guess what she would say.

Marc: Yeah. Just so you know, I’m asking these questions, I’m trying to ask you questions that, to me, help me gather as much information as possible in a short amount of time. And oftentimes, the people closest to us have some interesting insights. I’m not going to say they’re always accurate. I’m not going to say they’re accurate at all. They could absolutely hit the bull’s eye or not. But I just find—I’m always curious about what the people closest to us are seeing.

How about your dad? What would your dad say if I ask him the question, “Hey why did your son, Patrick, have this phantom pain? What do you think?”

Patrick: I don’t know if he would say anything. It’s hard to think of my dad actually having an idea about that, in general. But he would probably think that it was something biological, that I needed to get more testing done on or something. I guess he’s more of a traditional guy.

Marc: Yeah, yeah. And are you married now? Are you in a relationship now?

Patrick: I’m married now, yeah.

Marc: And what does your wife think of all this? Like what’s her take on it?

Patrick: She’s definitely like agitator. She’s a therapist herself. And she’s pushed me to do a lot of personal work in general. And I would say that she probably—I mean, she, in general, was pushing me to stick up for myself a lot in that relationship when we first met. And that was when I was still kind of dealing with a lot of those issues around my daughter and that relationship. And I think she would just say that it has to do with me not sticking up for myself in general and telling her how I feel and how she manipulates people and things like that. I think that’s what she would say.

Marc: Interesting. How does that land for you when she says that?

Patrick: I think she’s right on, in general. I mean she’s the type of person that tells it like it is usually. And even though it’s hard to hear, she’s usually right, my wife, as far as those things go. I mean I think, in general, through the training as well, I found that I do need to step into my masculine in a lot of ways. I’m kind of like a more passive person that I kind of let things kind of slide a lot of ways, so I don’t know.

Marc: What gets you the most pissed off in life, in general, like in any given month? A thing that would piss you off the most is?

Patrick: That might really piss me off…I’m just drawing a blank right now. But it’s usually my kids, in general. It’s usually that they don’t—it really pisses me off when I cook something and I put a lot of effort into it. I try to make it really healthy and all that stuff and they’re sort of like they don’t want it. And they’re not really being very honest about it. They’re trying to like be nice to me and everything. And that’s pretty upsetting. That pisses me off. That’s hard to be regulated when that happens, yeah.

Marc: Yeah. What pisses you off most or one of the things that pisses you off most in your marriage these days? Like when do you get mad at your wife?

Patrick: I guess it is that, when she’s pushing me to change. And if she sees an area where I’m not stepping up and then I’m feeling like I’m fine, I’m doing fine. I don’t need to change. I don’t have anything pressing. Or I feel like I’m working on my stuff at my own pace and she likes to kind of push me a little further along. I usually get pretty defensive at first and we might argue or something. And then later on like kind of see where she was going and I start to change. At first, it’s usually a lot of anger and sort of that’s my first defense in that area.

Marc: So, Patrick, I’ve got some thoughts here. I can keep asking questions and gathering more information. But I personally think we’re in the right neighborhood here…

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: …just in terms of just some of the things you’ve been sharing and some of my thoughts. So I would just like to kind of put together what’s going on in my mind right now.

Patrick: Sure.

Marc: And see if that’s interesting for you or can move you forward in some way in general. And forgive me for saying things that you might already know. But I think, in general, it’s so helpful when we are respecting our symptoms, plain and simple. When we’re listening to them, when we’re paying attention to them, because this symptom has your attention. If I had a pain in the head, that’s going to get my attention. If I had heart palpitations, that’s going to get my attention. If I have stomach issues, that’s going to get my attention. If I have a pain in my groin or in my nuts, that’s going to get my attention.

Patrick: Yeah.

Marc: So life has a way of getting our attention. And oftentimes that happens through the body. So here it is, it’s happening in a part of you, in a part of us men that, for goodness sakes, represents our manhood. It’s like what more represents our manhood than our groin area, than our reproductive area. That’s where the action is.

Patrick: Right.

Marc: So, to me, what I’m interested in, at the end of the day, so far, you’ve done your due diligence. Hey, I’m looking at my diet. Hey, I’ve gotten all these tests. Hey, I’ve really looked at biologically, metabolically, chemically, what could be going on. And if you’ve been able to check things off, then, to me, what’s left is that there’s some inner work to do, which even if the inner work doesn’t take away the pain, at least you ended up doing some good inner work.

Patrick: Right.

Marc: And probability-wise, there is a darn good chance that the inner work that we do can help unwind a symptom like this. Because in my experience—and it’s not just me, I’m speaking on behalf of the entire field of psychosomatic disorders and psychology and challenges. We manifest symptoms in the body that have an emotional and personal component. And there’s nothing wrong with that. That’s a good thing. It’s just life is letting us know here’s a place to work.

I personally believe, based on what you shared about your parents, based on what you’ve said about yourself, based on some of the feedback you’ve gotten from your present wife, that it probably does have a lot to do with your relationship to the masculine, your relationship to being you as a man, whatever that means for you.

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: And what that means for you is an interesting exploration.

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: Because, ultimately, it’s your exploration. You could take my feedback. You could take your wife’s feedback. You could take anybody’s feedback. But ultimately, you’re the general manager of this situation. And you have to start to put things together such that, even though you’re collecting data and you’re getting help, this is your process.

So, to me, this is all about—yeah, it’s about emotions. It’s about anger. It’s about you saying how you really feel. It’s about you taking the next step and the next step and the next step to stepping into your kinghood, your manhood, again, whatever that means for you. What I want to suggest to you—you said you were 39 now?

Patrick: Yeah, about to be.

Marc: About to be 39, okay so you’re right in the zone. You’re right in the close-to-40 zone where I will say from experience that for men and women, there’s a certain voice that starts to come out at around 40. Who is it? Henry James, a famous writer said, “A writer finds his or her voice at 40.” Humans find a different part of our voice at 40.

So, to me, you’re sprouting your voice. When I say your voice, I mean you. I mean how you really see it, how you really feel regardless of anybody’s opinion. You’ve probably been a good boy. So if in your family anger’s not good, joking around is good, niceness is good, then you get rewarded from being good.

Patrick: Yeah.

Marc: You don’t get rewarded for being bad. Bad could mean angry, mean, could mean being a jerk. It could mean saying things that piss people off. Or it could mean raising your hand when somebody’s acting out of line and demonstrating bad behavior and nonsense behavior, and you go, “Hey, not acceptable,” however you do that. I think the challenge is you haven’t had a lot of experience being messy with your emotions. Meaning, it’s not always clean and simple to be angry.

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: It doesn’t always come out perfectly logical. It’s not always clean and simple to express you’re upset. It doesn’t always come out really nice and easy. So I’m kind of guessing that you are very much on the right track right now which is I am claiming my manhood and I am defining what manhood means for me. So what I’m wondering for you right now is like when I even say that, when I say that I think you’re defining what manhood means for you, like what manhood might mean for you. Like what does it mean for you?

Patrick: Well, when you mentioned voice, for sure, I feel like I’ve kind of been in the shadows a lot in my professional career for sure. I definitely want to step up and make myself heard, my opinion, my knowledge with my colleagues and within that area for sure. I think just being more present as a father. I think I have been very emotionally absent. I’ve always provided. I’ve always like been a good boy as far as like I go to work and pay the bills and clean the yard and stuff like that. But I think being just more present as a father for my kids, I think that’s kind of—that would definitely be something I would say manhood or stepping into that kingdom, that king role.

But I think, too, is something that’s kind of been calling me lately is like I don’t feel like I have a lot of guy friends in general. I don’t have like—I mean I have some old friends but when I’ve gotten in touch with them, they don’t really seem to be at the same place I am at or it sounds almost like I need someone that I can really be a guy with but at the same time have a good friend kind of that masculine role, even a mentor on some level.

Yeah, I guess, I don’t know if that was more what you’re looking for. But I’m trying to answer what you’re looking for. But that’s what I’m thinking what manhood would be for me.

Marc: Yeah, I love that. I love that. I think it really hits the target in so many ways. It’s for you starting to see, in a very linear way, okay, what does manhood mean for me and what action does that then requires that I take to step into my man-ness more and more. To step into being a good man in this world.

And when I say good man, I don’t mean nice man. I mean good man. I mean effective man. Because oftentimes what happens to men at this day and age, we’re trained to be so freaking soft and we’re trained to be politically correct and we’re trained to be nice and we’re trained to be good guys. And a good man gets pissed off at injustice. A good man gets pissed off at lies. A good man gets pissed off at stupidity when it’s hurting people. A good man raises his hand when he sees a wrong being committed. A good man isn’t afraid to piss someone off in the name of helping them step into a better place in themselves and correct their mistakes and to grow out of their unconsciousness. So being a good present father, yeah, it might mean being there for your kids and playing with them. And it might mean raising your hand and getting pissed off when they’re not appreciating something that you’re doing and you go, “Hey, listen, here’s why I’m mad right now.”

Patrick: Yeah.

Marc: “I just did this, this and this and this but you’re not appreciating it. So you could be cooking your own food or you could not even be eating. Because I’m the guy that paid for this, cooked it, and put it on the table. So here’s what I would like you to do, children. Here’s what would make me feel good about this right now.” So it’s okay for you to set boundaries. So I would really love for you to start keeping some kind of running journal.

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: So you could see the specifics about stepping into my manhood needs. It means finding more men friends or a man friend that supports me where I’m going. How do you do that? You keep your eyes open. Maybe you’ll find a coach. Maybe you’ll find a mentor. It’s fine to have a paid friend.

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: Oftentimes, that’s what the therapist is, that’s what a counselor is, that’s what a coach is. No problem with that.

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: We don’t always have time to make new friends, find new friends, find the right friends. So if you can afford it and if it’s worth it for you, I love the idea. Especially if your therapist is a woman, I would want to see you have more men in that role. Because your wife is already being a therapist. She’s already playing that role.

Patrick: Right.

Marc: I would love to decommission your wife a little bit more from her therapist role with you. Yeah, let her be a wife to you. It’s her prerogative to raise her hand and say, “Honey, you got to do this better.” So I would be very attentive to what she has to say. But at the same time, understand that she’s not your therapist.

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: You follow me?

Patrick: Yeah.

Marc: Because if you let her have that role, she will gladly take it because she’s probably good at it. But what’s going to happen is it’s going to depolarize both of you more. Because you’re going to feel like you have to listen, like that’s your therapist and it’s not your wife.

Patrick: I see. Yeah.

Marc: You follow what I’m saying? It could be a bit depolarizing sometimes. So I want to see you being able to do a lot of your work outside of your wife being a therapist for you. You follow me? And I want you to bring more of your manhood into the relationship more and more without her telling you how to do it.

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: Am I making sense?

Patrick: Yeah. Yeah.

Marc: So what would that mean to you? If you were bringing more of your manhood into your current relationship, what might that look like?

Patrick: I guess, in general, not always looking for permission to do just about anything. I think that’s something that happens. But I feel like I am stepping out of that a lot more now. Doing that more for sure. Yeah, I guess that’s what I would think. I mean I guess sexually too kind of making that more…I guess me being more director, I don’t know, not forceful or anything. But being more masculine in that way too, I guess, that would be something.

Marc: Do you think she would like that?

Patrick: I do. I do think she would like that. Yeah.

Marc: Yeah. Think of it as dancing. The man leads.

Patrick: Right.

Marc: It doesn’t mean a woman can’t lead. But traditionally, man leads. So it’s nice to be able to have that skill in relationship where you’re at least doing that equal. Otherwise, it’s going to feel a little bit depolarized. It’s fine. Somebody’s got to lead in the dance. If you’re dancing as a couple, somebody’s got to lead.

And there’s got to be times when you are feeling your leadership. There’s got to be times when she’s feeling your leadership. By her trying to help you, my guess is that’s what she’s trying to do. She’s trying to help you step into your leader role in life. I’m not just talking about physically, intimately in relationship but just in everything.

This is about you being the captain of your own ship. And I see you doing that. I see you claiming that. You’re figuring it out as you go along, which is very honorable. It’s not easy to do because, again, we are often raised in a world and in a culture that is masculinizing women and de-masculinizing men. It’s over-masculinizing a lot of women. It’s over-feminizing a lot of our men. That’s my observation.

Patrick: Right. Okay.

Marc: I’m just in support of us having both polarities in our pocket. Yeah, be able to be in your feminine, but be able to be in your masculine as well. Super important. So part of that is I think also beginning to trust yourself more. Plain and simple just trusting yourself and understanding that you’re not trying to fix you right now. There’s a piece of you I think that’s trying to fix something in you. Feels a little broken. It feels to me like you’re coming to the table with some guilt like just feels like there’s guilt in the system here.

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: I’m just saying my felt sense over here, oftentimes, guilt is packaged with anger on the other side. Sometimes they’re two sides of a coin where I feel guilty because this, this, and this. I didn’t show up this way. I should’ve done this. I shouldn’t have done that. I wish I was more this. I wish I was more that. But on the other side of guilt is often, but I’m angry at this, but I’m angry at that. And the two don’t always communicate with one another.

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: So what I’m asking you to notice sometimes is where you slip into guilt. I’m not good enough. I’m not who I should be. I got to fix this.

Instead the subtle shift is, I’m a guy and I’m on my journey and I’m learning how to do this better and better. As opposed to, I’m broken and I screwed up. It doesn’t mean you’re not looking to make things better. It doesn’t mean that you don’t want to correct mistakes that you might have made in the past and the present. But what it means is you kind of just, I don’t know, let yourself off the hook a little bit more.

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: How does that land for you when I say that, like what happens for you?

Patrick: I would say it’s pretty on target for sure. I am pretty self-attacking especially when things start to go wrong. I’m definitely a perfectionist on a lot of levels, especially since you’re training that I’ve truly tried to work on that and be more self-compassionate and catch myself as I—my first inclination is to say, “You stupid idiot,” or whatever I usually say or blurt out or get angry at myself with. It’s usually more of self-attack. Whenever I get angry, it’s usually more self-attack than anything.

Marc: Yeah. And that will, for a man, de-masculinate us. It will de-masculinate us. Think of it this way, if you and I were hanging out and we’re sitting at a restaurant and I pay the bill and I wrote the wrong amount on the check. And I thought to myself, “Oh my God, I’m an idiot,” and I started hitting myself in front of you. That would look embarrassing to you. You would think, “What’s this guy doing?” That’s a completely ineffective strategy to deal with a mistake he just made. He’s beating himself up for making a mistake. It kind of looks and sounds silly, because it is.

It is not a king’s response. It is not a man’s response. It is more of a wounded boy’s response. It’s a wounded animal’s response. When we’re coming from wound, we will tend to regulate our system by self-attacking. Makes no sense. But that’s a wound, it’s a misperception of how reality works. Reality doesn’t work by you making a mistake, me making a mistake, and then banging our head against the wall as a way to correct the mistake. It doesn’t look so good.

Patrick: It makes sense.

Marc: Yeah. So, to me, you’re learning how to regulate your own kingdom better. This is the beginning of your kingdom, it’s the body. Body is the first kingdom. So your body doesn’t have to be perfect for you to be a king. You could be a wounded king, that’s fine. You could be a wounded warrior, that’s fine. You got a wound right now, that’s fine. It doesn’t mean you’re not a man. It doesn’t mean you’re not on your king program. It just means you got a wound and you’re tending to it.

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: So there’s a shift there that wants to happen. You’re not this wounded boy trying to fix yourself, you’re a wounded man tending to your wounds.

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: So you already are a man. You’re getting it a little bit.

Patrick: Yes.

Marc: You already are a man.

Patrick: I’m already a man, okay.

Marc: You’re already a man. There are things in our heads that has us believed otherwise. So what you’re doing right now, to my mind, from my standpoint of my own journey as a man watching other men, really being observant about the different life stages. You are a king in training right now. You’re a late prince. You’re a king in training.

King in training means we ascend the throne. You ascend the throne. The throne isn’t given to you. Here Marc. Here Patrick. Here Bob. Here Joe. Here’s your throne. Here’s all your power. Here’s your kingdom. Here’s all these people following your orders. Here’s all these things working perfect.

No. We have to make that happen. Okay, so it’s not given to us. There’s no pill. There’s no button to push. We ascend the throne and the way we do that is by doing what you’re doing, which is what’s right in front of you. By handling the challenge that’s in front of you, that’s the next step to ascend the throne.

So you’re dealing with a phantom pain that’s just raising its hand and going, “Yo, dude, something’s up here.” To me, again, you’ve wisely assessed, this has to do with me being a man. So now you’re defining what that is. You’re exploring what that is. And you’re looking to gather support because that’s what a smart man does. He gathers support in heading where he wants to head. No lone cowboys here.

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: It’s all about you amassing support. This is you amassing support. Reaching out and going “Hey, yeah, I’d love a session. I’d like to do this.” That’s more support.

Patrick: Yeah.

Marc: That’s being a smart king. When good kings are in trouble, they band together.

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: When good kings are in trouble, they talk to one another. “Hey, what do you think? What should I do? What’s your opinion? Do you have anybody you could recommend?,” all that kind of thing.

Patrick: Right. Okay.

Marc: So good kings, good men talk to one another. They support one another. I want to say one other piece here that I want you to think about for now. And that is that there’s a place where, in order to step into—and I’m speaking as a man now, same applies to women. In order to step into our manhood—or for women, in order for us to step into our womanhood—we have to step out of our parents’ house. The longer I’m in my parents’ house, so to speak, the more I’m their child.

The moment I step out of my parents’ house, I am less their child because they’re not telling me what to do, when to go to sleep, when to wake up, what to eat, when to brush my teeth, you forgot to brush your teeth. So as soon as we leave the parents’ house, we are starting to individuate. What happens is, is a lot of us walking around in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, we still live in our parents’ house. Emotionally energetic. I’m still trying to please my mother, please my father, please my parents and being a good boy. So a part of us is living there.

Patrick: Right.

Marc: It’s your rules now. It’s your rules about how life is, how your kingdom goes. Yes, you’re in negotiation with your queen, with your wife, but you’re the king.

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: So I want you to start to notice the places where you fall into being a son in the world.

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: Because there’s a part of you walking around being a son, being a boy. And that’s fine because there’s always going to be a boy in you and you’re always going to be your parents’ son whether they’re alive or not.

Patrick: Right.

Marc: So you’re a son. You’re also a husband. You’re also a father. So you have a lot of archetypes in you. But I want you to notice that you want to live more in your manhood. Part of that’s noticing where you’re living in your boyhood more.

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: Which means you have to look at your wife more and more as a woman, as your wife, and not your mother. Which is why I mentioned that thing about, yes, I want you to take her advice for sure. But I don’t want her to be your therapist. I don’t want to have her in that role. It’s different having your woman give you feedback than playing the role of your therapist. It’s going to force her to be a mother, which is going to force you to be a son, which is going to make you both unhappy in the long term.

Patrick: Right.

Marc: Are you with me here?

Patrick: I see what you’re saying, yes.

Marc: Yeah. So how are you doing? What are you thinking? What’s going on for you?

Patrick: No, a lot of what you’re saying, I mean, it’s all resonating with me. I definitely, on a lot of levels, are still there. I mean I thank God that my wife was there for me in so many ways. But I think in a lot of ways she was kind of a mother to me and especially as we’re getting to know each other early on in our relationship.

And yeah, it really is more about stepping into that manhood role for me. I guess I knew that before our talk. But now, this is really reinforcing that because of the way you put it for sure. And also what you said about the lone ranger kind of thing, that hit me pretty hard too. Because I have been kind of going at a lot of things alone and not reaching out for help, gathering the good kings as it were. I’m kind of isolating myself and feeling like I had to do this all by myself kind of thing. So that definitely resonates.

Marc: Yeah. For us men, in the heterosexual universe, women can truly inspire and help men to be better men. At the end of the day, men understand men a little bit differently. And perhaps a little bit better because we’re the same creature. So there’s certain things that women cannot help you with in terms of stepping into your manhood…

Patrick: Right.

Marc: …that only men could help you with because men are men and women are women. You and I as men can help women step more into their womanhood. But there are certain distinctions that only a woman can help a woman with because they’re the same creature and they talk a similar language. So I’m just kind of affirming what we’ve been saying here. And part of it is I want you to see, I want you to think about this a little bit, to have your wife a little less involved in this process of you and this phantom pain. I would love to see you be having half as much conversation with her, if not a quarter as much.

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: So to take this off of her plate as something that she has to help you manage or help you take on, I want her to be in a minor advisory role on this.

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: I want you to be digging this ditch without her. She can maybe say, “Oh nice looking ditch,” or, “Wow there’s a little bit of dirt over here,” or whatever. But not have her have to get in there and play the role of your guy friend, of your guy mentor. Because what’s going to happen is she’s going to either try to be a guy for you or she’s going to have to be a mother for you or a therapist for you. And it’s not going to allow you to step into that place.

And she’ll do it from a place of love and you’ll do it from a place of love. But what I’m suggesting is, it’s not the right configuration for you to get where you want to go. I want you to be digging a little deeper inside yourself and experience what it’s like to not have a woman to have to rescue you in certain places.

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: So take it off of the table that any woman can help you ultimately get to where you want to go. Because for a man, you’re going to help you ultimately get where you want to go. Will you take all kinds of input from men, women, children, animals, God, whoever? Absolutely. You’re happy to take everyone’s input.

But at the end of the day, you got to be driving this car. You have to have the felt sense that there’s not someone else driving the vehicle here. You see where I’m going? That this is yours. You’re owning it. You’re not leaning on her and relying on her to help you fix this. She loves you. She supports you. That’s different from her having to carry you on this. Can you see the distinction I’m playing with here?

Patrick: Yeah, definitely. And she has carried me in a lot of ways. So I know it’s time to carry myself in a way.

Marc: Yeah, absolutely. It’s time for you to be a man with her, which doesn’t mean you’re not still having issues to grapple with. It doesn’t mean you’re not communicating with her. It means you’re being a little bit more circumspect before you share and noticing what you bring to the relationship. I want you to be hesitant because, previously, you’re not hesitant enough. So I want you to be hesitant. I want you to be circumspect, thoughtful about what you share.

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: And see is this something I really need to bring into the conversation with her. Is this going to put her in a mommy role? Is this going to put her in fixing-you role? Because if it does, I don’t want her there. She, ultimately, I don’t think wants to be there. Because what she wants is for you to be in your manhood.

Patrick: Right.

Marc: But in order for you to get there, there are certain steps you need to be a little more independent. You got to let some of the old help fall away…

Patrick: Right.

Marc: …which is having the woman, our mother figure, need to fix this. Because as long as she’s functioning like a mother for you, you’re going to stay a son.

Patrick: Yeah. Okay.

Marc: You follow me?

Patrick: Yes.

Marc: Okay, I got one more question for you.

Patrick: Okay.

Marc: If you are meant to be an improvement of your father, if each generation is meant to be an improvement on the generation before, what are some ways that you can be an improvement in your father, you could advance that lineage? What are some of the ways you could be a better man?

Patrick: I would say I guess expressing my anger in a better, in a more integrative way I guess, or a way that helps me, yeah, express the feelings I need to come up and come out of me. I think that just being more emotionally present, not afraid to speak up about how things are bothering me or how things are making me feel. Let’s see, not really sure…

Marc: You mentioned feelings, you mentioned anger, you mentioned being more present.

Patrick: Yeah. I think that’s the big one, being more present. I see my father always sort of escaping. He always sort of like escapes into the TV or a book or something. I just want to be not afraid to face whatever comes up for myself or for my kids or for…and not always numb it with something.

Marc: Yeah.

Patrick: I guess that’s a big one for sure.

Marc: Good for you. That’s a lot right there. That’s a lot. It’s kind of learning to wrestle. It’s learning to grapple with what’s in front of you. Wrestling and grappling is unpredictable. It’s messy. It’s sweaty. People get hurt. And it’s okay. Because we always got to be exchanging and wrestling with life and you haven’t had that kind of role model. So now you’re trying to teach yourself that. And now you’re trying to learn that on the fly. So what I want to say is, really, good for you. And this, Patrick, is hard work.

It is hard work to masculinize ourselves when we didn’t have the kind of upbringing that allowed us to have a healthy balance of masculine and feminine. It is hard to do that. It’s hard for a super masculine man, who has been taught to ignore his feminine, to embrace his feminine. It’s hard to a super feminine man, who has been taught to ignore his masculine, to embrace his masculine. So this is difficult work. If it was easier, we would have done it.

So I think you understand this so it’s not about getting rid of this pain that you have. Sure, we’d like it to go away. Sure, we would love for it to go away. But it only goes away as you graduate. So its raising its hand and saying I’m here for a reason because it’s getting your attention so you can end up having a conversation like this.

Patrick: Right.

Marc: To help you move forward. So in my universe, you are taking every right step and it gets more challenging. But that’s the beautiful challenges for you to rise up to that. So you are ready to go into the grappling and you’re ready to embrace what life is giving you. You’re ready to jump into the fray. You’re ready to get messy. You’re ready to be in a fight. You’re ready to get angry. You’re ready to be loving. All of it. Like my guess is you’re ready to be loving. You’re ready to be sweet. You’re ready to be nice. But you’re not always ready to go, “No, that sucks.”

Patrick: Yeah. I tend to avoid confrontation in general. I don’t like it.

Marc: Yeah. So that’s what you’re slowly changing. So that’s what I see happening. That’s the key to the kingdom to meet here in terms of unwinding your symptom. So I would personally look at not worrying about your symptom, not worrying about the pain in your nuts, so much as you are responding to it by making changes in your life, as an experiment, to see what happens. Because the changes that you’re making make sense. You’re resonating with them. They feel right to you. We’re growing unfolding human beings. And one of the hardest things for a man to do in this world is to step into his manhood. It’s shocking. It’s absolutely shocking.

We live on a planet right now where men are largely disempowered. Yeah, there are men in power who are empowered. But a lot of times the men in power they didn’t earn it. They didn’t get there by good means and good ways. But they’re enjoying wealth and power but actually don’t really have true power. But either way, so many men are left trying to figure out how do I not feel like a slave? How do I not feel disempowered? How do I show up as a man given my life, given my world, given everything? So that’s something we contend with, we grapple with, we ask those questions. That’s a question I ask every day.

Patrick: Right.

Marc: And it never stops. It’s not like, oh, you wake up one morning and you’re there. It’s like, no, you wake up one morning and you’re doing better and you wake up the next morning and you do a little better. And you wake up the next morning and you take two steps back and you wake up the next morning and you take two steps—you know what I’m saying, it’s a little bit of a fluff.

Patrick: Sure.

Marc: So my friend I’m really happy for you. I think you’re doing great. I hope you give yourself a little love for how hard you’re working here. And I think there’s some good little nuggets that came out of our time together.

Patrick: Definitely. Thank you very much, Marc. I appreciate it.

Marc: Patrick, I appreciate it also and good luck. And I would listen back to this session and maybe even take some notes for yourself after we get off the line and just see what you wanted to incorporate for yourself. And I really appreciate you being willing to just kind of share you and your process. A lot of people are going to be listening and I think this is a super important topic. So I really appreciate you being generous about what you’re going through and so super honest. So, thank you.

Patrick: Well, thank you for offering this as an opportunity. It was really hard to step up and do it. But I’m so glad I did it.

Marc: Stepping into your manhood.

Patrick: Definitely.

Marc: Good for you. Patrick, thank you so much.

Patrick: Thanks, Marc.

Marc: And thanks, everybody, for tuning in. Once again, I am Marc David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. On behalf of the Psychology of Eating podcast, lots more to come my friends. You take care. Bye-bye.

Patrick: Bye.

 

The Institute for the Psychology of Eating
© Institute For The Psychology of Eating, All Rights Reserved, 2016

Get Your FREE Video Series

New Insights to Forever Transform Your Relationship with Food

P.S. If you haven’t had a chance to check out our FREE information-packed video series, The Dynamic Eating Psychology Breakthrough, you can sign up for it HERE. It’s a great way to get a better sense of the work we do here at the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. If you’re inspired by this work and want to learn about how you can become certified as an Eating Psychology Coach, please go HERE to learn more. And if you’re interested in working on your own personal relationship with food, check out our breakthrough 8-week program designed for the public, Transform Your Relationship with Food, HERE.

source http://psychologyofeating.com/psychology-of-eating-podcast-episode-193-discovering-the-deeper-meaning-of-his-mysterious-pain/